* It would be so nice to sleep til almost 2pm everyday and stay up all night til 0430 or so... fucking off, talking on phone, watching movies etc and have no worries.. Yes.. my kid does that !! (Me screaming.. AAHHHHH )
* My husband has become obsessed almost with knowing what I do everyday every moment. He watches cameras inside and outside the house.. he monitors water usage, he monitors electricity usage, EVERYDAY he monitors everything I do pretty much. At first it was for emergency.. see what bills in new home would estimate.. etc.. those were the excuses... now, it just is.
He even knows every transaction I make financially etc.. he has constant access and emails and texts to everything I do through every card.. etc.
I cant shit.. literally.. without him, knowing it ! It's become creepy and annoying.. well now it makes me mad..because he waits til later and then throws out shit comments or throws shit in my face. Like a few days back I struggled with taking a shampooer apart and cleaning it by myself.. he literally watched me struggle and stop on camera for 30 minutes he said.. then I stopped. but, he never said a word about watching me etc.. until days later and then threw it out as a shaming comment towards me in conversation. He thought it was funny. I found it not so funny. He never said he saw me, he never tried to help, he never nothing until he decided to voice it as a fucking joke. I was in shock. I couldn't say a word when I found out.. I just had to laugh it off and move on.. but I couldn't sleep.. it haunted and upset me all fucking night long !! Because even when I said wtf.. he never said anything.
What I know for fact !! If you have MS, TIA's, Lupas rare disorder, and many other Auto-immune diseases.. it is a necessity to have a loving "team" and or a "circle of love".. IT IS A MUST.
Not having this makes life not worth living and a living hell everyday you are alive !! NO WAY TO LIVE AT ALL... PERIOD.. NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE !!! NO ONE should ever have to go through life like this... and even worse.. when being alone and not having those is one thing, but living with family and supposed loves one.. and still not having these support, safety, and love nets.. IS 50 TIMES WORSE. I can not even put into words the pain, struggle, anguish, etc etc etc.
