My daughter still is MIA.. my hubby is doing his daily thing.. which does me no favors. The dogs are driving me nuts. Fire stick isn't working .. so cant watch the end of my movie I started.. ( the new Aquaman movie).. ggrrr. Losing everything I seem to pick up. Put plants in side last night cuz freezing weather and didn't think about heater vent.. so plants all screwed up.. hope they don't die. Spilled everything. Had to rewash laundry.. I have just been "spinning in circles" all day damn it !
Christmas tree and decorations aren't helping my mood one bit.. and even the presents under the tree.. I just want to throw them all in the trash.. because that's not what Christmas is about and I am so upset and frustrated with our relationships right now.. ITS NOT CHRSITAMSY AT ALL !!
Hubby and daughter aren't talking .. cuz her stupidity.. Hubby not dealing with stuff and wont talk to me about things that need to be hashed out or whatever.. My Bo is sick.. Luke and Blanco are assholes and don't help anything,, so furbaby situation is just nutty. I have nothing, no one, and am alone in everything.. and my oldest daughter is pregnant and I cant be part of any of it.. FRUSTRATING AND EXTREMELY HEART BREAKING.. and no one has my back n I have NO SUPPORT. I just find myself again today.. just wishing I would die already and wondering why am I here? Why am I still alive? FUCKING WHY WHY WHY?? I don't get it.. I don't understand at all. I have no meaning. No purpose.. nothing.
I have been in such horrible pain and last night I could barely take it ….the spasms were so bad etc,, I let out a huge scream of pain.. my hubby was laying right beside me and never even acknowledged it or me. I just found myself crying myself to sleep again .. but I got up positive even though sick and not feeling well.. still started the day out on a positive note.. just to be thrust back in the " why" world again. Even social media doesn't help... one of those days where no one replies. no one reaches back.. no one even cares enough to send you a friggin smiley face... WHY waste my time..?
Scenario.. so I post something awesome.. get no reply .. no comments .. nothing.. a friend shares my post like 2 minutes later and everyone replies and etc or their post.. what the hell? and we have loads of in common friends.. that I know saw it when I posted but choose to post on my other friends post instead. I just don't get it. I am reaching out so badly for even the smallest connection and cant even get one on FB of all places. I think I just need to stop FB. It only makes me feel worse.. truth be told.
Screw FB.. screw them.. Screw everything today and everyday actually.
