Can I go now?

So much going through the brain..it hurts this morning bad. I slept about , maybe 2 hours.. if that . I was stuck and couldn't get out of the thoughts.. I am unsure if its the Hemp oils or what , but cant get outta my head.. GGrrrr. Yesterday was frustrating though so.. All was ok and then at a drop of a hat shit went sideways again.. and the stress level in the casa went through the roof.. once again I needed 2 seconds to talk with him and he was watching fishing on TV and I was background garble to him.. I asked a question because I needed his help and input and he went nutso on me and started talking at me like a dog again.. so abrupt when he does it.. its so uncalled for. I this time lashed back with raised voice and grrr.. and I as I was walking... talking to some one else... other than him.. he was talking shit.. so I yelled he was a dick and I wasn't talking to him.. and I got a " GOOD" yelled at me.. so no talking the rest of the night. I cant stand.. he doesn't understand what a sorry is. He just thinks as time goes by.. all is ok. WELL IT IS NOT ! This shit is really fucking me up. I need communication.. and all he does it get mad at me everyday and treat me as an inconvenience to him.. I AM STARTING TO GET SO LOST !!!
I am so sick and I just cant cope with all this.. I still get the shit daily because I cant eat. he just needs to understand.. and just stop all the BS. I ate a drop for him last night and was sick so bad.. I have been in such pain and its not stopping...I cant keep food in my system and me getting upset is making all this BS move faster.. I just cant get him to understand... WTF? He also told me he would go get meds I needed and instead of standing to his word.. he pulled out cleaners and shit and started pulling all his fishing stuff out and serving his poles. So, then the cleaners immediately made me sick and he scoffed at me and I was scolded again.. WHY? FUCK. I don't understand what's going on.
My weight is dropping quick now. I guess I will just waste away in my bed..but hell these days.. if I am laying down or in bed.. he gets shitty too.. So much for the promises he made about helping me and doing stuff.. helping me keep up with house.. dogs.. etc. He has used just all the empty words again.. and then makes me feel bad and throws blame on me.. like I am responsible.. hell I don't fuck up his shit.. he still follows his own schedule and does for himself,, he is always on phone, talking with or texting his friends.. playing his games, watching videos, or whatever he wants..he goes fishing and does what he wants... when he wants and I don't say a word.. But I get shit constant. I am just fucking done.. and if that means just shut him out and just ride shit out on my own .. then so be it.
My fucking Bday is coming up quick and that thought alone just sickens me and makes me sad.. why do I wanna celebrate a day which only leads to more days of this fucked up life? Really not looking forward to year coming up being here, year since I lost my Bo, My bday.. and the days that are right around the corner. ALL OF THEM JUST MAKE ME SICK !!! I lost almost a year ago everything that was my life. I had to sell everything that meant something to me.. I had to leave my home and KY, I had to stop driving, gave my car to daughter.. and then got here.. with shit being bad and I lost my Bo Dean.. after him.. it was all gone.. this past year has been the worst year of my life !!! REALLY IT HAS ! I even saw that without a doubt.. my husband had stopped loving me long ago,,  So.. I am in NO rush for the days that are almost here. I am reminded everyday already !! Just stop this ride and let me of .. WOULD YA?