Trying to recall the perfect throwback song that has crossed my mind so many times in the last week.. but it eludes me... damn it !
There are now 2 me s..the one that prays for death.. and the one that just clings to everyday.. just surviving through.
I waited to see.. if i meant anything.. and all the huge neon signs.. still flash no. I hang about still.. in the foyur.. looking at both doors thinking to myself.. it does not matter which door i grab the knob and turn.. damn if i do... and damn if i dont.. smacks me in the face.. like someone swinging a bag of rocks ... at me. Either door i walk through... matters not.
I know .. the end is near.. but damned if i 'm not so fucking impatient. ... though. I think to myself.. its been 50 years... come on already... for fucks sake.
As I share a daily small story with him... he actually gives me a real response... for a change.. how does one deal with that ? Idk.. i just replied quickly and moved on... he now knows... i am forgetting our address, but I am trying so hard everyday... to remember things.. what will my stumbling blocks be today ? I have given myself ... no extra help... i have just drank the coffee and tried to keep my unstable mind in low gear.. maybe this will pass.. maybe not.. hhhmmmmm !
