So much in the last couple days has gone down hill fast. I am starting to see it is getting closer to my number being called. I am loosing my damn mind and getting trapped in there.. so bad indeed.. it has caused my insomnia to keep getting worse. I didn't think that was possible , but I have been proven wrong again. I admit my wrongs y'all.
My nails are dying off and having issues again. Spots are spreading now on my face and looking like nasty sores almost appearing after a few days. Weight losing fast. Pain everywhere.. so I cant do anything bearably anyways.. still. GGRRR. Oils and meds.. CBD's aren't even working and I am at the throw in the towel point really. That's ok. My life has ben full and very complete .. so all is good in the hood with that.
My insides all want to come out. Infections still increasing,, nothing helping now. Just biding my time now really. Fatigue, confusion, memory loss, skills, tastes, smell etc all but gone.
My head has gotten so bad. Going to the bathroom on myself and or almost .. yet I can tell no one because they don't listen or care,,, They all are ready for me to be gone.. like as of yesterday. No worries y'all.. that day is approaching faster than you know..
Stress, Anxiety, Depression.. Sad that no one even bothers to help me.. its ok.. no worries y'all.. Just like I have said.. that karma and regret will soon bite you in the ass I imagine.. it has a way of doing that. After all, that's its job !
Swelling is finally subsiding a bit.. but pain and weakness and other stuff ramping up now even more because swelling going down. I live covered in salves, ointments, etc etc etc. Not great, but it is what it is. Touching me hurts. Sounds, smells everything hurts and is getting worse. Me even crying effects me. Eating and drinking almost at null now.. just basic shit to get through the day.
Anger, frustration, you name it.. I am dealing with it alone. which makes it all WORSE. Yeah.. its my curse I guess... catch 22's always and forever my world.
Toes and probs now in my whole feet .. not just numbness in one small spot ,.. or tiny issue like it was. When nothing will satisfy me.. cant read.. but in spurts, cant do music.. only in spurts.. tv etc.. outside.. all things in smaller and smaller spurts now. Need to rest but don't even want to be in bed.. FUCK. I am a damn mess.
Weigh today 168.. sick.. all the infections of every kind are getting out of control.. Trying hard to control stuff today.. so I need to get back in bed now. This has taken me so long to type.. can barely see.. cant spell..grammar horrible.. the list is long y'all. Want to take a shower this a.m. but havent yet. basic shit kicking my ass.. ya know.. like breathing etc.. I am looking and acting like a very drugged out person right now,, and I know.. its fixin to get worse. I CAN FEEL IT !
Weigh today 168.. sick.. all the infections of every kind are getting out of control.. Trying hard to control stuff today.. so I need to get back in bed now. This has taken me so long to type.. can barely see.. cant spell..grammar horrible.. the list is long y'all. Want to take a shower this a.m. but havent yet. basic shit kicking my ass.. ya know.. like breathing etc.. I am looking and acting like a very drugged out person right now,, and I know.. its fixin to get worse. I CAN FEEL IT !
Nothing like a Monday Y'all 💚
