Last few days just unreal. where does one even begin with all the angst and emotion, hurt, sickness.. So many tears. alone pain and just insides and outsides hurt. Seriously thought 2 times this weekend I was going to die. Wishful thinking I suppose.
My mind is bouncing.. so try to stay with me .. if ya can..
So.. last night made the graphic for a new daily game.. it was 5 things from your past you liked and or disliked using the first letter of your last name.. I thought it would be funny and challenging and little did I know I would be haunted all night by things in my life .. starting with H.. omg,.. it was HELL. Lol.. see there it still is.. letter "H".. hahahah
Started out with simple stuff.. them they just wouldn't stop coming.
Hush Puppy shoes
Hula Hoop
Hang overs
Homework
Hairstyles
High School
Hill Billy Golf
Horses
Huey Lewis Music
High Heels
Hospital stays
Halloween Activities.. Especially Haunted Houses
Hammock from Honduras
HONESTY
……….it still is all just coming at me like 200 mph. Make it stop baby Jesus. PLZ...✌
And trucking on ..I now go to the next..
Yes ! The Pretenders are playing now.. Good Tunes this a.m... what great mix to keep my mind occupied .. for a bit anyways.
Gonna buy stuff.. make lists.. discuss what we need.. and are going to buy the shit.. and then for last few days he has come with and or ordered everything but what we decided we wanted an needed. Even sent him text reminders.. while he was out shopping.. still no dice.. came home with dog toys etc.. instead. Hurts my head .. it does.. why? Still need to get hair catchers for drain so we can give dogs bath in tub and not kill our septic tank. Need cooking Pan.. new cuttingboards.. stuff that we could use every day.. and still no dice. It could be me.. IDK
he also has turned into Jade officially with the bringing me stuff home and or stuff for me.. yet he takes it.. drinks it or eats it.. and never says a word. No I didn't want any of that Mt. Dew .. for the 2nd time.. or want or need any supplies I asked for 20 times.. hahha
It has to be me !!
Another day in September now.. getting closer to Anniversariess I am having a very hard time dealing with. Memory reminders on every social media site too are not helping me.
I still feel same way. I am just along for the ride. My life has already stopped etc and so on !
I need to stop apologizing for being right, having feelings, and being me !
Tired of being everyone's damn it doll and patsy . Being blamed for shit.. so ppl don't have to admit shit,, it is getting sickening !!
Love All. Trust a small few. Do wrong to none. Ok, that sounds great in thery .. but it gets old when you get no charge.. and you have given til u just cant. Just saying.
Try to focus on WHAT YOU CAN control today.. not all the BS you cant. That is what my task for the day is going to be. So I can make it through this day really.
As I am working off 2 hours of sleep in like 4 days. I find myself running mostly on caffeine and sarcasm.
