Tuesday, December 10, 2019

awww.. the honeymoon is over

Neighbors don't talk to me and or blow me of these days.. well most of them.. and it only took a year.. Something changed Halloween IDK.. Maybe I was a fucking bitch at HAlloween PArty idk.. I am so confused.. either way.. I am not going to go outta my way  now for anyone.
Same as with Phils co workers and the wives.. wtf? They hate like me.. and I have realized none of them are friends etc.. I don't know what I was thinking trying to be friends.. I AM DONE WITH THE LOT OF THEM PERIOD !!!!!
I say I don't care, but I do.. I have been so hurt by all of them.. so now I will just let it go and move on and stay at a far distance. I have to remember to be done with all of it.. messages, kind things, kind words.. trying to get together with them.. EVERYTHING..  NO MORE RENE.. NO MORE
my daily memo sticky.. BRIGHT ASS RED.. by the way.. My flag.. MY RED FLAG IS UP !

Ordered Christmas all I needed, check.. only did drop of decorating.. check. Everybody has their own shit.. no worries.. check.. check. Tried with Court and as.. that still is a no go.. CHECK. Her bday today too... 29.. I have gone above and beyond.. IAM DONE.
Need to put up tree and call it a day. I will be done... small menu.. make some grub and move on. NO HUGE MENU AND MEAL THIS YEAR EITHER.
Shit still same.. Jade in Pensacola, Florida.. I guess,.. phots.. BS..
all I know is her court date is 20th am.. and she hasn't finished classes. community service, and has been breaking all her bond requirements.. I foresee her going back to jail very soon. I JUST CANT ANYMORE. Phil spend all his time fishing and or with friends.. that is his life.. not me .. not us . It is all just BS.. the harder I try .. the worse it gets.. yasssss.. it must be me.
Been crying and missing Bo a lot.. last night I cried and went into deep despair because Christmas is almost here.. I am lost without him.. dogs were my xmas.. well bo dean was. I cry for Blanco.. cuz jade.. I cry for Luke because he gets me and good care and he gets basic care from Phil and almost nothing from Jade.. I want to give him more.. but most days I just am not able to.. I am jus always stuck.. grrrr.. always the hard way.. he is high high maintenance really.. the barking which is loud and nonstop.. his stuff just makes life very hard for me.. I am just running on almost empty battery wise today.. with it all.. and I am doing a emotional vent dump right now I guess.
well jump on a dick and call  me crazy.. after I said that about the neighbors.. now.. one is being super nice.. hhmmm.. (before I posted this).. hhmmmm.. but he wanted and wants help so... there ya go. But I really don't mind because that is what good neighbors do and are suppose to do.. I guess I just get hurt when I am shrugged off etc.. ggrrrr. oh well.
Puttin' together Christmas menu.. what fun. small.. yay..