4 YOU

Beauty vs. Bravery

 So many thoughts. So many words scribbled on envelopes, napkins, sticky pages, memos on cell.. shit is just in complete disarray EVERYWHERE. Only I can understand some ,. then again sometimes I cant even remember and or even read my own handwriting or conceive what I might have been thinking .. when that came out of me. I try to keep myself occupied.. cant read anymore.. but I can look at beautiful things ...

Wednesday beauty

 I hope your day is a blessed and safe one. watch out for the creatures out there!!!

 

All I know is....

 Yes, scattered memos everywhere.. I  am sure some of you are confused.. but than again so too am I. The only thing that makes sense to me is...

Social media has always been my go to.. and now FB, IG, and all the others mean nothing to me. They don't help anymore.. I have no connections or relationships.. anywhere and or with anyone.. Hence... these scattered thoughts.. hence this blog of tooooo and fros etc.  It is a beautiful Fall morning and I am very unwell. Half the day has gone by and I have heard nothing from anyone.. I am being ignored again.. but it is ok.. because today ... ends that. the last day here ...

It is ok.. I do not mind. I am so very ready ~

When it never ends..

When ya wanna scream your head off because even your family members seem to be  working against you... that fuckin sux.. let me tell ya.
When things that should have come first or been done months ago.. still arent done and the priorities are completely ass backwards. When no one does as they say they will. When u are just disreguarded and put off.. and left in the dark .. while everyone else is on vacation. While u do & do and all they do is spit in your face. Enough shit is enough. Come on end of the world.. why wait til December.. now in July is perfect timing.. really it is.  I dont think i have anything left to give.. anything left to share..or anything period !
One scoffs at what one does to me and how i am used, but doesnt seem to see.. they do the same fucking thing.. sometimes even worse
 So fucking tired. So fucking done.  Why am i trapped in this hell on earth.. anti-christ.. come on and take me ... or whatever.
Tired of pain, illness, trapped in hell situation.. etc !!
Can I plz exit stage left ???

Memo from July 2020

inDeeD

Hate when i get sucked in the abyss of selfish people. I always say... not again.. then I let it happen again.. and they know it ! Gotta be other ppls schedules... never mine. Go outta my way.. get used to the hill... etc and so on. Tired & sick of people. Tired and sick of it all. Fuck emotions. Fuck people... just fuck !!!!!

July 14th memo note... 

I wonder....

Trying to recall the perfect throwback song that has crossed my mind so many times in the last week.. but it eludes me... damn it !

There are now 2 me s..the one that prays for death.. and the one that just clings to everyday.. just surviving through. 

I waited to see.. if i meant anything.. and all the huge neon signs.. still flash no. I hang about still.. in the foyur.. looking at both doors thinking to myself.. it does not matter which door i grab the knob and turn.. damn if i do... and damn if i dont.. smacks me in the face.. like someone swinging a bag of rocks ... at me. Either door i walk through... matters not. 

I know .. the end is near.. but damned if i 'm not so fucking impatient. ... though. I think to myself.. its been 50 years... come on already... for fucks sake.

As I share a daily small story with him... he actually gives me a real response... for a change.. how does one deal with that ? Idk.. i just replied quickly and moved on... he now knows... i am forgetting our address, but I am trying so hard everyday... to remember things.. what will my stumbling blocks be today ? I have given myself ... no extra help... i have just drank the coffee and tried to keep my unstable mind in low gear.. maybe this will pass.. maybe not.. hhhmmmmm !

A new day dawning

I am such a sucker for something cute and or pretty.. It is almost sad... lol 

Mornin & Movie...

We shall see... If not this.. I will need to find something else that will keep me busy..😆

jUs sayin

We don’t have to see 👀 to 👀…. to stand 👤 to 👤…

No take backsiess..

Monday morning already.. The crowd is loud.. the stage is bright.. the screaming.. stinky game show host says…. well what are we gonna choose this a.m. ???? There are no prizes. There are no give backs. There are no trades or barters. What you pick … stays with you… So, what is it gonna be poppet?? Door 1 or door 2.. ya gotta pick one already. !! Hurry up.. I got other places to be. Walking towards the doors I already am crying.. I close my eyes.. reach for the knob… and so it is !

Just another Saturday a.m.

Yep,, I need more coffee to get through this morning... Hugggssssss

Game Day .....

 GO BIG BLUE.. GO WILDCATS.... Beat those damn TN Vols today.. 🏈💗💙

I  WILL ALWAYS BLEED BLUE... 

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