Scattered Memos to Nobody..( lost pages) WWG1WGA
MAGA baby..Digital Soldier & Warrior.. it is my coffee n' I against the World ! I've learned that you can't make people love & care about you, you just have to be someone worth loving...This is me.. Digital thoughts & Soul diving ~
Monday, September 30, 2019
A year
Today marks officially the worst year of my life. One year ago this a.m. I was packing up a U-haul and saying good bye to my home etc.. I officially stopped driving my car and gave up everything. I would like to say the year has gone by so quickly and amazing things have happened.. but it HAS BEEN THE WORST YEAR OF MY ENTIRE LIFE !!! Lost my Bo Dean and I know if we hadn't of moved ,., he would still be alive !! My house has been in constant shambles.. My daughters life got worse.. til this day.. It is constant struggle and challenge with my health and EVRYTHING.. all so my husband could have things his way !! I cry everyday. for what I have lost, what has been happening , and what is still to come. I am pretty sure I died a year ago this day !
Sunday, September 29, 2019
Yeah Whatever
Halloween party planning.. ggrr.. which leads to hurt feelings.. Social media stuff... which leads to my hurt feelings.. I dont understand why no one will even give me credit for shit.. or they act as if they dont want people to know they are my friend,, etc.. THAT SHIT GETTING REALLY OLD ..REALLY FAST.
An bitches be having their man stand up for them and try to talk down to me on FB.. what the fuck. Why are people intimidated by me...? I just want friends.. I just wanna be nice and be me.. and I get the shit at every angle.. I am sorry you didn't come up with the idea first.. I am sorry I was faster on the draw .. but I am just being me.. not trying to fucking be better than anyone else.. so why do I get the shit back.. wrong way thrown in my face constant. SCREW THAT. SCREW THESE PEOPLE.. I GUESS THERE IS A REASON WHY IT HAS FOLDED OUT LIKE IT HAS.. MAYBE THESE FUCKERS ARENT SUPPOSE TO BE MY FRIENDS.. I AM DONE INDEED ~
At this point really dont care about costume party or Halloween shit or anything.. my hubby wont even talk about stuff.. so they win !! I got stuff even for a party that... I probably wont even be around for.. and making all these plans dreaming I suppose.. trying to connect and trying to have fun.. and shit just getting twisted. FUCK IT ALL !!!!
SO much for the costume ideas.. Threw my list away.. so much for shopping list and getting stuff together.. They want a party they can do without me.. I am not going to bend over backwards for any of it.. they can invite people.. they can do it all.. I DONT CARE AS OF RIGHT NOW !Q!!!
I am tired of being upset and sad.. now I am pissed and full of angst.. about it all !! Ggrggrrr
An bitches be having their man stand up for them and try to talk down to me on FB.. what the fuck. Why are people intimidated by me...? I just want friends.. I just wanna be nice and be me.. and I get the shit at every angle.. I am sorry you didn't come up with the idea first.. I am sorry I was faster on the draw .. but I am just being me.. not trying to fucking be better than anyone else.. so why do I get the shit back.. wrong way thrown in my face constant. SCREW THAT. SCREW THESE PEOPLE.. I GUESS THERE IS A REASON WHY IT HAS FOLDED OUT LIKE IT HAS.. MAYBE THESE FUCKERS ARENT SUPPOSE TO BE MY FRIENDS.. I AM DONE INDEED ~
At this point really dont care about costume party or Halloween shit or anything.. my hubby wont even talk about stuff.. so they win !! I got stuff even for a party that... I probably wont even be around for.. and making all these plans dreaming I suppose.. trying to connect and trying to have fun.. and shit just getting twisted. FUCK IT ALL !!!!
SO much for the costume ideas.. Threw my list away.. so much for shopping list and getting stuff together.. They want a party they can do without me.. I am not going to bend over backwards for any of it.. they can invite people.. they can do it all.. I DONT CARE AS OF RIGHT NOW !Q!!!
I am tired of being upset and sad.. now I am pissed and full of angst.. about it all !! Ggrggrrr
Needing to let all go.. or I will have another TIA.. just now getting over the one I had a few days ago.. Yes I had a mini stroke the other day and I am having a very hard time,,, could be why I am over emotional and shit too.. fuckers.. LOL
I have seen my Immortal connected soul mate many times in the last few days.. Maybe he is here to help guide me away. I sure hope so.. PLEASE take me with you.. PLEASE..
Wednesday, September 25, 2019
hhhmmmmm...
Just things I am thinking about. Wondering how many couples that have been married many years .. that have and use separate bank cards and separate accts? Crazy.. I just saw last week that friends of ours do that.. so crazy right? My hubby and I never did that after we got married.. Well I lied.. for years in Ky. I had a local bank acct and saving acct with our daughter.. It was just used to cash local checks, get member services.. such as free notary and other services.. and just incase for a rainy day small fund.He never used it but was on it.. lol.
Wondering why now after all these years others are wanting to finally do gardens and these house and yard things,, when now I cant handle doing those things.. and I wanted them years ago,,,..Don't want or need them now.. just more trouble, stress, and things for me to maintain etc.. on my own. NO THANK YOU .. just saying ,, thanx but no thanx !
The big one for the last few days is this.. CHAPPED MY ASS A BIT.
Daughter starts taking NA classes... because she had... to do certain things.. so she wont go to jail AND GET HARD TIME LOCKED UP FOR HER FELONIES.... and etc etc etc !! Now I am all about self help and doing what she has to do .. which is a lot.. but seriously don't give me the speech about how you are so NA and all about the NA program.. to me that is like.. if she had a pimple.. and all the sudden decided she was going to have Acne treatment done.. and told people and played a part... like all the sudden... she has a severe acne problem ! Give me a break and get real kiddo. Using a few times and doing stupid shit,., getting caught. and now having to take programs.. is not the same as A PERSON WITH A SEVERE DRUG PROBLEM.. WHICH HITS ROCK BOTTOM AND PUTS THEIRSELF IN A NA TREATMENT PROGRAM !! That's what I did.. so don't wanna hear your garbage.. which by the way ..we all know .. especially you.. that once you meet your requirements and get cleared... you will be back smoking pot and doing drugs again.. You are still drinking.. so I am still wishing you luck.. because before your programs started you were taking Xanax , smoking shit, and getting by with whatever you could so.. I know you still doing that. SO glad you haven't gotten busted yet by Bail Bonds and others for that crap.. by the way... but don't lay that other BS on me.. ok? ok... moving on ! Crazy shit.. phones ringing off the wall.. cell phone blowing up.. Peace OUT
Wondering why now after all these years others are wanting to finally do gardens and these house and yard things,, when now I cant handle doing those things.. and I wanted them years ago,,,..Don't want or need them now.. just more trouble, stress, and things for me to maintain etc.. on my own. NO THANK YOU .. just saying ,, thanx but no thanx !
The big one for the last few days is this.. CHAPPED MY ASS A BIT.
Daughter starts taking NA classes... because she had... to do certain things.. so she wont go to jail AND GET HARD TIME LOCKED UP FOR HER FELONIES.... and etc etc etc !! Now I am all about self help and doing what she has to do .. which is a lot.. but seriously don't give me the speech about how you are so NA and all about the NA program.. to me that is like.. if she had a pimple.. and all the sudden decided she was going to have Acne treatment done.. and told people and played a part... like all the sudden... she has a severe acne problem ! Give me a break and get real kiddo. Using a few times and doing stupid shit,., getting caught. and now having to take programs.. is not the same as A PERSON WITH A SEVERE DRUG PROBLEM.. WHICH HITS ROCK BOTTOM AND PUTS THEIRSELF IN A NA TREATMENT PROGRAM !! That's what I did.. so don't wanna hear your garbage.. which by the way ..we all know .. especially you.. that once you meet your requirements and get cleared... you will be back smoking pot and doing drugs again.. You are still drinking.. so I am still wishing you luck.. because before your programs started you were taking Xanax , smoking shit, and getting by with whatever you could so.. I know you still doing that. SO glad you haven't gotten busted yet by Bail Bonds and others for that crap.. by the way... but don't lay that other BS on me.. ok? ok... moving on ! Crazy shit.. phones ringing off the wall.. cell phone blowing up.. Peace OUT
Hiya My peOPles
Pic catch~up & Randoms
I am confusing stuff y'all.. just ignore me.. lol Its crazy.. now I am confusing dates, times, and even years.. coo cooo..
Right hand is bad. White unknown stuff still coming out of my mouth now.. So confused.
I am getting extremely forgetful.. ouch.. ggrrr
If I am taking medicines, feeding animals, leaving stuff going and on.. I am scared to use candles and stove.. Scared to smoke.. so I am staying very alert and doing multiple checks on everything.
My anxiety and these brain things are tripling now. JUST IN L:AST FEW DAYS.. wow.. scary stuff. So much is going on with tremors and new things everyday and especially at night ,.. I almost cant stay on top of it.. ggrrrr.. BLEH
Horrible stinging, itching, cramps.. etc.. both sides being attacked now.Infection overload.. it's killing me y'all.. HATE IT
Simple thing for today was.. watching the chipmunks playing in my backyard this morning. Made me smile and relax.. KEEP IT SIMPLE Y'ALL..
White stuff now coming out of mouth.. It is thick.. omg.. IDK .. I gotta figure it out.. It is gonna drive me nuts if I don't get some word on what it might be.. now coming out of ears, nose, and mouth.. when stuff starts coming out eyes.. I give.. I CALL UNCLE. !!
Tubshrooms.. awesome sauce !! We got 3 and love them all.. I normally do not talk about products like this I buy and use.. but these.. they are fabtastic !! LOVE EM.. They work.. we even gave dogs a bath ~ YAY..🐕🌸🐕
Monday, September 23, 2019
The weekend is past us
Was a crazy weekend Y'all.. One really cool thing that happened was... There was a Motorcycle ride that took place on the main ride behind our house.. Not sure the ride purpose.. but no matter.. it was amazing. Seeing and hearing that was better than a Saturday morning Parade as a child.. I tell ya.
Love Button for sure ~ Braught back some great memories.. moments, and feelings. I miss riding.. (sad face) !!!!
I realized ...and tried to take a pic... of the white stuff that has been coming out of my ears, nose, and yes.. the other morning it started coming out my mouth. WTF? I tried to take pic.. but dog ran up on me and made me drop cell and what I had collected for the pic which was in my hand.. gggrrrr. But I saw it.. and damn.. IDK
The over all anals that chapped my ass this weekend were.. Leaving stuff empty on shelves and in fridge. If you are gonna eat and or drink something.. don't drink it all and leave small drop left. !! That pisses me off !! Y'all know that.. DAMN.. why you keep doing it??? hahahahah
That's is when ya just wanna ring some necks. LOL
My Head has been bad.. I dealt with a lot of Health stuff this weekend. ITS BAD NOW.. Don't know how long I can take it.. moments like these make me re-think the No Surrender / Survivor mentality code I live by. I tried really hard to stay busy and be the Multitasking Queen.. (in my head.. hearing the ABBA Dancing Queen song .. and making my own lyrics)! The weekend was up and down and now is in the past. If ya screwed up this weekend.. never fear today is a new day to screw up again🌺
Love Button for sure ~ Braught back some great memories.. moments, and feelings. I miss riding.. (sad face) !!!!
I realized ...and tried to take a pic... of the white stuff that has been coming out of my ears, nose, and yes.. the other morning it started coming out my mouth. WTF? I tried to take pic.. but dog ran up on me and made me drop cell and what I had collected for the pic which was in my hand.. gggrrrr. But I saw it.. and damn.. IDK
The over all anals that chapped my ass this weekend were.. Leaving stuff empty on shelves and in fridge. If you are gonna eat and or drink something.. don't drink it all and leave small drop left. !! That pisses me off !! Y'all know that.. DAMN.. why you keep doing it??? hahahahah
That's is when ya just wanna ring some necks. LOL
My Head has been bad.. I dealt with a lot of Health stuff this weekend. ITS BAD NOW.. Don't know how long I can take it.. moments like these make me re-think the No Surrender / Survivor mentality code I live by. I tried really hard to stay busy and be the Multitasking Queen.. (in my head.. hearing the ABBA Dancing Queen song .. and making my own lyrics)! The weekend was up and down and now is in the past. If ya screwed up this weekend.. never fear today is a new day to screw up again🌺
New Day... New methods of coping and signs
People suck Sometimes !! Sometimes people suck all the time !! Depends on the people.. Something to keep in thought today.
That time of the year to do the Fall Bucket List again... lol
* Go on Hayride or carriage ride
* Bonfire with smores and adult beverages..lol
* Visit corn maze.. or some place cool.. Pumpkin Patch, and or just a cool place..
* Halloween and Month of great classics.. scary stuff.. warm and cozy stuff, etc..
* Bake your ass off.. do new stuff each time
* Go out double dating with friends and do meals, shops, sights.. etc and soak it all in
*Go Festivaling.. every chance you get
LIVE EACH DAY ACCORDINGLY ~
That time of the year to do the Fall Bucket List again... lol
* Go on Hayride or carriage ride
* Bonfire with smores and adult beverages..lol
* Visit corn maze.. or some place cool.. Pumpkin Patch, and or just a cool place..
* Halloween and Month of great classics.. scary stuff.. warm and cozy stuff, etc..
* Bake your ass off.. do new stuff each time
* Go out double dating with friends and do meals, shops, sights.. etc and soak it all in
*Go Festivaling.. every chance you get
LIVE EACH DAY ACCORDINGLY ~
Giggles... ☕
Recipe for iced coffee Y'all.. Have Kids, Make coffee, Forget you made the coffee.. drink it cold ! and there ya have it
Felt I needed to share this too Y'all.. so many of us.. have the open gate way to so many health issues.. make sure you know what ya have and track them all.. Adrenal Stress is important to recognize the signs.. If you have your feet hurtin badly in certain places.. save a chart and follow it.. the feet tell us what organ is hurting and how we can manage it a bit..
Adrenal Stress
Fatigue
low blood pressure
Headaches
Restless legs , especially at night
Tired but you are wired.. ( important one to catch)
Anxiety
Light and over sensitivities
Hairloss
Brainfog
Insomnia
Belly Fat
Chronic Pain
Craving Salt and salty foods
Lightheadedness
Low and or no sex drive
Infection vulnerability Can't handle stress
These are just a few I deal with amongst all my Health issues and MULTIPLE AUTO-IMMUNE DISEASES..
Always share signs and tips with others y'all.. Even if something doesn't work for you.. it could for someone else...
Saturday, September 21, 2019
Some of this & some of that
Well of course.. It's Saturday and I could be doing other cool things, but everyone is toooooo busy for me and I am stuck dealing with issues .. alone.. in this house. Make shit worse and harder for me to deal and cope.. etc.
Eyes and face itching so bad ,, I don't know what to do anymore.. except put washrag on my face and chant . It is not my eyes.. it is my eye socket and lashes and all the skin around my eyes.. It is almost unbearable right now. It has gotten to the point... I just literally want to gauge my eyes out.
The (things on my head) are getting so so so bad. Bout month ago not wax but a very irregular white something or other was coming out of my ears and such pain.. it just stopped and as of yesterday I now have that white whatever coming out of my nose. I am not scared .. just wanting to find out what it is.. I finally remembered yesterday to take a quick pic for reference.. I don't know ~
Eyes and face itching so bad ,, I don't know what to do anymore.. except put washrag on my face and chant . It is not my eyes.. it is my eye socket and lashes and all the skin around my eyes.. It is almost unbearable right now. It has gotten to the point... I just literally want to gauge my eyes out.
The (things on my head) are getting so so so bad. Bout month ago not wax but a very irregular white something or other was coming out of my ears and such pain.. it just stopped and as of yesterday I now have that white whatever coming out of my nose. I am not scared .. just wanting to find out what it is.. I finally remembered yesterday to take a quick pic for reference.. I don't know ~
Hallucinations and understanding are getting worse. Memory loss etc.. scary !!!
Vision problems have doubled in just the last 3 days or so. Forgetting.. confusing. basic skills..
Friday, September 20, 2019
Been a long week.. Randums.....
Just curious folks... I see so many ppl already posting Christmas stuff.. really ? That's worse than all the stores already filling up their shelves. It's not even Fall yet or end of September … Just curious why?? Are you that excited? IDK.. Maybe I am just a wanker..Could be !!!
Coffee, cleaning, trying to go slow... What does today hold? Cool outside.. nice breeze... Yup, Fall is ALMOST here.. Ready for new adventures I know I wont be able to take… gggrrrr..
I don't see how people whom AREN'T in my situation.. can even talk about it.. STFUA .. U have no clue.. fuckers !
My goal today.. I just figured it out.. YES !! It is to be just the right amount of crazy to make everyone else doubt their sanity ~ PERFECT !
Long may my craziness and trickery live...😁
I hear my bed.. it is saying.. Baby come back.. I'm just so lost without you ! Ha
I need rest .. so for now.. Stay strong my peeps .. Enjoy your day..
Coffee, cleaning, trying to go slow... What does today hold? Cool outside.. nice breeze... Yup, Fall is ALMOST here.. Ready for new adventures I know I wont be able to take… gggrrrr..
I don't see how people whom AREN'T in my situation.. can even talk about it.. STFUA .. U have no clue.. fuckers !
My goal today.. I just figured it out.. YES !! It is to be just the right amount of crazy to make everyone else doubt their sanity ~ PERFECT !
Long may my craziness and trickery live...😁
I hear my bed.. it is saying.. Baby come back.. I'm just so lost without you ! Ha
I need rest .. so for now.. Stay strong my peeps .. Enjoy your day..
I saw the light..of Friday mornin.. that is ~
As the day starts out (in full mode now).. the coffee flows, the music cranks, and I am trying to find my today bearings. Last night very hard night, but I slept actually this morning and I got in total more than 2 hours sleep.. lol. SO that is a plus !.. Quiet outside.. wonder if the critters all had a rough night.. ahhaha.
Season change is upon our front walk now. The dogs have all but changed their habits even.. so I knew it was official when I got up early and they had changed spots. Luke was outside in the cool morning air with me and Pooter was wrapped up in bed like a Blanco burrito. HAHHAHA
Yep.. Luke likes cool and pooter likes warmth. So it has been the reverse way so some time now. They have it all figured out. I maybe will just follow the dogs lead on shit today. LMAO
Tip for today: Friday battles.. pick them wisely and no more than you can chew my friends. We don't wanna get over loaded with battles today.. that would not be wise .. AT ALL !
Pick wisely y'all.. PICK WISELY
Many random yesterday and this a.m. unsure where to even start.. Maybe I should have gone fishing with my hubby. Yes.. It is a Friday and they are going fishing.. Only work a drop then all gather their boats and gear and head out. Nothing like.. being told by your boss.. bring your boat to work today.. GREAT for them I suppose. GGGrrrr. for me. I am just jelly.. I want to be fishing and spending time with people too.
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