App Fun.. July 27

Me Frustrated??? Never

Everyday I set for hours … well not set, but while I am doing stuff I cant stop.. my head just overflows with stuff.... I want to come set down and type.. but when I do.. then I realize I actually have to type and or I forget stuff and get confused. It sux.
I hate the brain fog and it doesn't matter what I try.. NOTHING helps.. its like I have early on set A  Disease or something.

Here it is ,, the middle of a beautiful Saturday afternoon.. I cant go outside to hot.. nothing to do inside.. cant read, nothing good on tv.. shit not working .. so no movies til later,, its like what the fuck am I suppose t do with myself.. I clean and clean and mess up shit again.. so I can clean some more just to have shit to do. Playing with dogs gets old.. I cant rest.. I cant go finish big projects I want to.. because I just cant do it.. Everything is just a clusterfuck...
AAAHHHHH !!!

This is my definition of frustrating !!!!

I'd be content...

Another day in the Nut Factory

Well my last few days have been eventful and crazy. I have been sick as hell but trying to stay going. Hubby in Detroit still. Daughter is in Colorado visiting other daughter.. The doggy day care has had me very busy.. and at night after I give Bo his medicine .. I usually take a handful myself and try to get some sleep. Finally catching up on sleep.. but still just wishing I would not wake up. The same shit everyday is just killing me.. and my illnesses are getting very hard and most everything now ….its hard for me to see, move about , shower, drive, walk,, just about everything in life is a huge struggle and I AM ALONE TO FEND FOR MY SELF !!! What's new right?

I stay positive and I am not mean about it.. I just am ready to go now and I have said my goodbyes and lived a long happy full life !! SO why am I still here? GGGRRRRRR

No more for me..

I pretty much have given  up on my daily journal with stuff I do, what I eat, etc.. etc etc..
No one cares,, why should I. so fuck it. After I die they wont even read it,, it will just be burned or thrown out; That's how much I mean to my family .. BUT at least I KNOW AND AM NOT STUPD AND NOT BLIDED BY IT !!!

Effin Social Media

Whomever  creates apps like Tender etc.. you need your ass kicked. It sucks ass watching my child on there and meeting and doing new guys every few days. I HATE IT !!!! just hate it. WHT ? MY daughter would be better off meeting a nice guy at the grocery store than through that shit... Pisses me off scares me,, I NEER KNOW if she will return home or not. Plus she should be focusing on her and not be  worried about social media bullshit. I can only do so much , she  is on her own now.. I am done .and I certainly  don't want to meet all these guys she's hooking up with.. WTF

Just makes me wanna puke, I would rather watch CNN News 24/7 than deal with this bullshit ~~~

And O ….I hate even more she never tells me shit, lies to me, or  have to find out shit through a friend or on some form of social network. SO TIRED of finding out SHIT ONLINE!!! Fucking internet I hate you.. GGRRRR..

My Thursday am rant.. as my daughter has already taken off on vacation yo OK  to see he sister I guess,, WHO KNOWS...? I sure don't.... fuck it

Pretty Distraction

JUST THE WORST.. Top 10 (Only)

1. When you hear someone say, I will be back in a few minutes and they show back up like 6-9 hours later … if at all.
2. When someone tells you, I will call you back or text you in a few.. and you never hear from again til like days later.
3. When someone says.. oh look what I got you to drink and eat.. and 10 minutes later you go to get some of it.. and its gone, They instead decided to drink or eat it.
4. When a person stands right in front of you and bold ass lies to your face !!!!
5. When you hear someone taking a message for you, but then they never give you the message.
6. When everyday they say.. Oh I will do that later or tomorrow and tomorrow never comes and shit ever gets done.
7. When someone asks for advice.. you go out of your way for them and then they don't even follow any of it ,.. or care anything you said to them.. HATE THAT !!
8. When someone says they will make you dinner in a few minutes and then they leave to go visit someone they barely know... YOU ARE NOT ON THEIR PRIORITY LIST AT ALL APPARENTLY !
9. When you buy something just for you that usually no one even drinks, stuff  that will last you a few days.. then when you go to get one.. they are gone !! No one asked,, no one said a word.. no one even admitted it... and it had to be them ,,,, it wasn't you .. right?
10. When someone calls you and gives you 20 different excuses in like 5 minutes.. and then still they stay gone and later the next morning they finally say I have no more excuses...Well fuck.. you never needed one.. just had to tell the truth and communicate properly !!

THESE I SAY WOULD HAVE TO BE MY TOP 10.. AT LEAST FOR TODAY ANYWAY !!!

LAUGHING BECAUSE IF I DONT I WILL CRY AND I AM  TIRED OF CRYING !!!

Luv my Followers... U RAWK ~

~My Daily Adventures~

Am I the only one out there that feels like I am being tested EVERYDAY ?
I shit you not.. EVERYDAY damn day.. I seem to just can't get a break unless I am sleeping and even then the struggle is so REAL !
Dogs, phones, door, visitors, you name it.. it gets me every night.. I am at a loss.. but, I think I have found the perfect cocktail and pill mix to fix that finally. YAY ME !!!!!!

I am awesome sauce like that !!! Wish me luck y 'all …

Dark Day.....

It continues to rain.. inside & outside :(

I am so lost ...

Today.... if you happen to see me  strolling about like a crazy person .. please shake me a bit and make sure I make it back home ok.. Thanks 

And what is today?

One day will fly by , the next day will go by slower than a granma walking Chinese steps with a cane. I don't get it  and I hate it, It's the days that go so slow are the ones that suck the life right out of you... like almost literally..
I can't seem  to even remember  stuff I have done or need to do. It is beyond frustrating.
People think its funny .. but not even remotely comical in my eyes.
I tried to speak with  my daughter this am about me falling and things going on I felt she needed to know ..and I got laughed off. I guess no one will get with team Rene program until it is 2 late.. I will take my ill feelings and thoughts with me about everything in this life.. they however will be stuck here to think about those things over and over again until they go. I don't get it.. but I can lead a dog to the food bowl, but that doesn't mean he will eat .. now does it.
Each new day I get more frustrated and my walking and skills are getting bad again.. I drop and spill everything, can barely cook, and I have fallen like 7 times in the last few days.. No one cares though .. so I guess why should I right? All I feel is hurt and disgust pretty much 24/7/365

Truth be told *****

Meds.. I think I love you !!!

THANK GOD FOR XANAX, THC PILLS, and other stuff .. without them I would have never made it through this week.. Yes, It has been that bad. Friday I think I love you..
Today only have had to worry about bad bad weather... I can handle that. !
It's the assholes I cant deal with here lately.. Mother Nature you're alright.. If it is to be.. it will be !!!

Sadness everywhere ~

I am so damn tired of being the sick one that just has to do as everyone else wants. SCREW THAT !
If anyone else spent like even 30 minutes in my body ..I know they would see things and feel things differently. Everyone just disregards me , my opinions, my feelings etc.
I get so tired of just shaking my head everyday like fifty times a day... LITERALLY ..
No wonder I have constant headaches. lmao

Time for a joke...

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched."; Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story. Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands." The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. "Well," Johnny replied, "Don't fuck with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."

How long can I wear the mask???

Donnerstag don't let me down.....

Thursday Magic and Spirituality

Many Polytheists like to do devotional rituals and prayers to different Gods each day. Thursday is a great day to focus your devotional practice on Thor, Jove, Zeus, Bṛhaspati, depending, of course, upon your personal pantheon.

Thursday is a good time to perform work related to general luck, leadership, promotion, public figures, authority, success, growing wealth, increasing notoriety and influence, becoming rich, material gain, awards, power over others, gambling.

Thursday is the planetary day of Jupiter and thus the moment of sunrise on Thursday begins the planetary hour of Jupiter. This is the perfect time to do magic that corresponds to the energy of Jupiter. If you can't make sunrise, the planetary hour of Jupiter rolls around every 8 planetary hours thereafter. (Do discover the length of the day's planetary hours, calculate the time between sunrise that morning and sunrise the next morning and divide by 24.)

Other Correspondences

Angel: Sachiel

Day: Thursday
Planet: Jupiter
Colours: Purple, Deep Blue
Crystals: Amethyst, Lepidolite, Sugilite, Tin
Aroma: Melissa, Clove, Oakmoss, Jupiter Oil, Cinnamon, Musk, Nutmeg, and Sage
Herb: Cinquefoil

What to do now????

Imagine if you would.. this being my humble little house in the middle of the street.. Now, I fear my days here are numbered after 10 years and I just couldn't be sicker about it !!!

I am at a total loss. My life is here, my husbands life is in GA and ALA.. and he was suppose to come back here with me being sick and this supposedly being our retirement home.. He just woke up one day and changed the plan with no conversation with me or anything.

I have supported him for years even though he has just become a visitor from time to time.. but now others are moving to ALA.. and he finally has found a house for us to move to.

2 times before I got excited, looked at pictures, started planning, signed financial papers .. you name it and we didn't get the house.. they changed prices etc.

He now has found a home that is great for him and our youngest daughter starting over etc.. but as for me.. NOT SO MUCH !!!

I just do not know how I can and am going to do this !!  The drive alone and moving and what it includes is already a lot , but with me being so sick etc.. I just cant see how I can do any of it,,

The driving, the moving stuff, the setting up a new house, the complete starting over .. all of it.

I am toooo sick, tooo old, and just have no desire for any of it !!

OH MY GODS AND GODDESSES... plz help me !!!

Smile Bitches

I Say.. What's Going on?....

Random thoughts that have been driving me crazy last few days.. I am so unlike others ..it is freaky scary.
I have this issue I call... being the reverser... Yep. Shit that is suppose to happen never does.. instead vice versa. Great examples would be.. when I take hand full of sleeping pills .. I stay awake for 48 hours.. when I drink a pot of coffee I am asleep in 5 minutes. I know it sounds weird.. But it is so true and I am cursed I tell ya. Stuff that is suppose to heal me makes me sick.. shit that should poison me.. makes me better. I do NOT understand.. not one bit ! I am so screwed,,, I am ~

Hubby came home.. that was ggrr and part ok.. Daughter well shit with her is through the roof where I am fixin to have to kick her ass out of the house unless she can straighten the hell up a bit. I am at wits end with her.. It is killing me . I get no help.. No break.. no nothing except more heartache etc. What am I gonna do.. Tell me Great ones.... ? WHAT ???

I decided a few days ago.. that this 11:11 wish thing is for the birds. It never works.. I think I am going to try to experiment with 12:34 instead. I always seem to look at the clock on that time twice a day.. if that's not a sign.. unsure what would be really ~ Ya know ?
So I will make my wish @ 12:34 and get back to you with what happens. LMAO

It's been aawwhillleee....

Been absent a bit.. Had hubby come in town for visit.. was very ill for over a week.. and shit in my crib has been so cray cray I have not wanted to get on here.. sorry.. Happy Friday ...the 13th no less... YAY