( whatever)

3 days away and not a thought as to if it means anything etc.. not with me ..of course ...but all around me.. I once again last night was shown that people are dicks and don't care about me at all.. I sent my neighbors a text message about having the rest of their gifts I was going to bring over there for them today.. and only one replied back.. saying I didn't need to give them anything.. like I am just passing off shit to them... we either make them fresh goodies.. do stuff to help.. always on the hand stuff.. Or give them fresh stuff we just buy.. we share food, donuts.. meals.. etc.. their gift was a bottle of wine phil got .. in a Santa holder.. with card.. and a bag.. that I got them mugs, a cute Christmas Towel.. and a beautiful candle I ordered also for their home !! So now after last night.. I am just like screw you.. half the time they treat me like crap now anyway. Lynne hasn't bothered to even message back or say one word to me since Halloween.. wtf? especially when we went out of our way to include them in our lives.. so ungrateful really now is how I look at it..we didn't have to invite them to our party etc.. we have done more than enough for them in over a year and it really upsets me now !!!! NO MORE SHALL I GIVE AND TRY TO SUPPORT AND SHOW COMPASSION FOR THEM.. THEY ARE NOT FRIENDS MERELY THE COUPLE THAT LIVES NEXT DOOR TO ME.
I shall even stop bringing up their trash can etc.. fuck that..
Feels not really like Christmas.. no emotion.. no compassion  ..nothing !!! SO yes.. I have given up on the neighbors. SHIT JUST IS WHAT IT IS

Tuesday Truths... as told by me

 A... Don't cry to me about not sleeping 12 hours.. and upset tummy when you have no idea the pain level I am living with right at this moment... Just for a SMALL example.. My head hurts so bad. feels like it is going to pop off..  Back of my head .. is straight pain.. like skull has been fractured...can only see out of one eye and its blurring blobbing and colorful. Every bone and muscle in my body hurts... I can barely move. My Throat is swollen.. my lips and mouth are tore up.. I cant taste,, can barely swollow.. and its extremely painful.. lips, teeth, all inside my mouth. Ears ringing.. one is thumping and pain. Unsure what new infection that may be. Fingers and hands swollen.. cramps in my toes soo bad.. they are unmovable some of them..right arm and top side clear through shoulder are so bad.. I can barely move, but I do.. Veins all over my body are swollen and hurt so bad.. lupas stuff VERY BAD TODAY AND LAST FEW DAYS.. don't wanna even get out of bed.. but I do and I work hard all day while you piss and moan and stay in bed watching tv and doing absolutely nothing all day.. except eat, smoke cigs, and snuggle with ur dog..a drop..
I have only slept like 3 hours in a week.. and that was horrible.. and you are tired.. WAHHH.
Hips feel like they are being pulled apart.. legs are giving out.. and sooooo much more.. I will stop there.. cuz I said small example.. but as for your whining... JUST DONT. !! I cant handle hearing it anymore. My body is so riddled with disease, pain, infections, Auto immune diseases etc.. only few things you can see... but just because you cant see it.. doesn't make me responsible for catering to your every damn whim and need today and every fucking day..
B... When I finally.. after few hours decide to go out in garage area, because trash man came and I need to get trash can etc.. and I realize that the garage has been wide open for like 5 or more hours.. with not even a sorry or care in the world to what ya just did.. WOW.. NO OTHER WORDS COVER IT! EXCEPT SAD... PISSED ETC ON MANY LEVELS. You didn't even care enough to make sure I was safe when you left the house this morning. But then again that fits right in with everything else.. so yeah whatever.
C... I will combine and simplify ..thet Insults, disregard, disrespect, using, abused,, by family.. and all people around me .. and those not even around me.. I AM JUST so WTF?

In conclusion.. with even so very much being left out.. TODAYS TRUTH IS MY LIFE SUCKS

Another day

Things that make you feel unloved and insignificant.. ggggrr
Like someone taking your plate when you are still eating. People  constantly coming in and disregarding you watching tv and they change the channel... right in front of you with no worries.. no nothing. When people like your shit on social media like 2 weeks after you post it.. especially when they were tagged.. you know they saw it.. they always on there.. cant miss it.. REALLY? WTF? Why cant it be then or that day.. weeks.. WOW !! When you are talking and are cut off in mid sentence and completely over looked.. SO SO MANY THINGS.. EVERY DAY.. EVERY FEW HOURS.. Don't get it.When you get shunned for stuff that others do to you.. Yep, another one I don't get.
I am forever plagued by this.. and the thing is.. I wonder if they even care???

Beauty is there always

yup

HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH...
Sometimes ya just gotta go with stuff.
Have a safe day out there and may the good luck shine on your today.

Merry Friday 13th.. hahahhha.. ROFLMFAO

tHings I kNOW ... for today...

If you talk crap about "your friend(s)" you should be able to say it to their faces.. not just behind their backs.. PERIOD.

If you are scheduled to appear at a VERY important court date.. you should be ready and DRESSED Appropriately. PERIOD !

When it rains.. it SOMETIMES can pour too. 

Crazy stuff.. can and will happen especially to me and in my house..

Trash can moving on its own, voices, humming, chair bouncing back and hitting wall and moving and rocking on its own, Laundry issues.. like shit vanishing and returning later.. so crazy.. the situations have been nuts I tell ya. Things moving and disappearing.. most not resurfacing !! HATE THART ONE.

Despite whatever... the day will GO ON.. 😛

if you know I LOVE fish,, and you bring it home all the time.. but give it to others instead.. uummm.. WTF? Mad AF I am sometimes.. ggrrrr.

There are 2 kinds of people in this messed up world.. a .. good ones, and b.. Bad ones !

Sometimes traditions need to change.. make room for new Y'all .. seriously..

Jus sayin'.. Life gets to boring 

and that leaves way to much room for the BLAHS to set it... 💚

ho... ho.. NO

MidWeeK Randomness

Soo sick today but for some reason I wanna be on the laptop.. I am nuts I guess. yesterday and last night really... I got a lot worse. I am very sick. I am fighting  hard now.. I know if I give in... I will be down for the count. Trying to stay afloat long enough to get some things done.. I am only going on a couple hours sleep too if even that. I am miserable.. someone needs to track down that garbage truck driver that ran me over.. and shoot that bastard..the come shoot me and finish the job.
Jade should be home today..

I asked for help.. stuff went undone for days until I did it myself … what's new I guess.. point is,, shit .. why should that be that way? Stuff I ask for never comes.. shit I don't need ,want, and or ask for.. comes in spades.. WTF? REALLY? cant get me stamps and safety pins for days , but comes home with bags of shit no-one needs and lots more damn dog toys... WHY?
Being fucked with, laughed at, imitated.. etc while I am speaking.. has gotten old.. started voicing my opinions on that and then I have perfected .. the walk away.. and kiss my ass move !! I am tired of crying... now I AM MAD !
once again.. people suck.. I am just kindah done and blah blah blah. I wanted to do more medical updates today.. but everything I came up with that had stopped.. started again last night or this a.m. I cant win..
So  many things coming in mail this week... OMG I cant keep up. Not gone try.. I get coffee mug.. he gets me shocks for truck, new fishing and boating shit, and sssssssssssoooo much more.. But really I am happy with coffee mug.. hell , I wouldn't even need that if shit in this house was copasetic.
I just want a happy medium for Christmas.. really and that's not asking for much Y'all..
fingers and hands now not want to work k I am out folks

Things I know ~ top 10

•  My home better always face North
• People suck
• Life must go on.. and it always does
• Being so sick all the time is heartbreaking 💔
•  Donald Trump our 45.. is the best damn President EVER
• Holidays are beautiful
• There must be a balance in every thing.. and it must be maintained 
• Life is to suffer and suffer some more
•  Only situations change
• EVERYTHING is what WE make it 

Itsah Tuesday

uummm not really, but whatever.. lol

STAY POSITIVE TIPS

Quotes / Positive Sayin's

The ony way to end a cycle or circle of ggrrrrrr.. is to practice forgiveness , Kindness, qnd BS on your part.. lol Why, does it alwas have to be on my part.. when its usually them?  ahhahahahahahahah.

BE STRONG Y'ALL.. to be weak is to invite in the sorrow, misery, woe, agression, ETC

Well crap.. I gotta go make tea.. laters....... lmao 😆

In a Nut shell

Tryin to stay positive or if I get tooooo nuts.. to reel myself back in.. roller coaster y'all and its worse this week with full moon.. Friday the 13th, Special meteor shower.. special moon.. alignments that are nuts.. etc... TOO MUCH GOING ON TO TYPE ABOUT.

 I am nuts, animals are nuts.. most people and things are nuts.. IT JUST IS … DEAL WITH IT.

Lists all over my table and random to and fro about...I go.. The confusion is thick today.

So health update for those that care..People seem to forget that not only do I have MS, but also a Lupas rare issue, and many other AMD's and etc.. so my world just gets worse on the daily.

Here is the list... so if nothing else I can look back at it if I need to..

Confusion and memory loss

Diarrhea and Nausea

Tummy virus

eye issues 

dizzy

bit crazy depression and emotions high

Insomnia

UTI and other infection through whole body right now

Marks on face ,neck now spreading down chest

Left side 

left hand bad.. upper arms bad

Tongue cramps and pain swallowing issue again. 

Lips and mouth .. off And on

swellin and weight up and down from 164 to 176 lbs.. most I have weighed.. crazy ,, grrr

left foot ..2nd toe.. cramps constant

both feet.. bottoms getting and staying numb.

head bad.. head aches and all

Coordination bad

Anal muscle issue  Over all .. all bad except white stuff gone.. and nails doing better.

some moments I am ok and can talk and function.. other moments I cant do anything.

So many infections viral and bacterial.. been fighting flu and other bugs.. ggrrrr

jade not helping and phil not helping either.. I give up.

And there it is in a nut shell..

awww.. the honeymoon is over

Neighbors don't talk to me and or blow me of these days.. well most of them.. and it only took a year.. Something changed Halloween IDK.. Maybe I was a fucking bitch at HAlloween PArty idk.. I am so confused.. either way.. I am not going to go outta my way  now for anyone.
Same as with Phils co workers and the wives.. wtf? They hate like me.. and I have realized none of them are friends etc.. I don't know what I was thinking trying to be friends.. I AM DONE WITH THE LOT OF THEM PERIOD !!!!!
I say I don't care, but I do.. I have been so hurt by all of them.. so now I will just let it go and move on and stay at a far distance. I have to remember to be done with all of it.. messages, kind things, kind words.. trying to get together with them.. EVERYTHING..  NO MORE RENE.. NO MORE
my daily memo sticky.. BRIGHT ASS RED.. by the way.. My flag.. MY RED FLAG IS UP !

Ordered Christmas all I needed, check.. only did drop of decorating.. check. Everybody has their own shit.. no worries.. check.. check. Tried with Court and as.. that still is a no go.. CHECK. Her bday today too... 29.. I have gone above and beyond.. IAM DONE.
Need to put up tree and call it a day. I will be done... small menu.. make some grub and move on. NO HUGE MENU AND MEAL THIS YEAR EITHER.
Shit still same.. Jade in Pensacola, Florida.. I guess,.. phots.. BS..
all I know is her court date is 20th am.. and she hasn't finished classes. community service, and has been breaking all her bond requirements.. I foresee her going back to jail very soon. I JUST CANT ANYMORE. Phil spend all his time fishing and or with friends.. that is his life.. not me .. not us . It is all just BS.. the harder I try .. the worse it gets.. yasssss.. it must be me.
Been crying and missing Bo a lot.. last night I cried and went into deep despair because Christmas is almost here.. I am lost without him.. dogs were my xmas.. well bo dean was. I cry for Blanco.. cuz jade.. I cry for Luke because he gets me and good care and he gets basic care from Phil and almost nothing from Jade.. I want to give him more.. but most days I just am not able to.. I am jus always stuck.. grrrr.. always the hard way.. he is high high maintenance really.. the barking which is loud and nonstop.. his stuff just makes life very hard for me.. I am just running on almost empty battery wise today.. with it all.. and I am doing a emotional vent dump right now I guess.
well jump on a dick and call  me crazy.. after I said that about the neighbors.. now.. one is being super nice.. hhmmm.. (before I posted this).. hhmmmm.. but he wanted and wants help so... there ya go. But I really don't mind because that is what good neighbors do and are suppose to do.. I guess I just get hurt when I am shrugged off etc.. ggrrrr. oh well.
Puttin' together Christmas menu.. what fun. small.. yay..

Day 9....

💗

Story time

Here's a story to share.. I know everything has 2 sides right? coin.. up /down ...etc and so on.. Well even this.. has 2 ways to look at it.. I will show you my view and you can decide for yourself.. This past October was the big fishing trip to Guntersville.. they go every year.. I stay behind.. never get asked etc.. everyone stays gone few days.. blah blah blah.
Well this past trip.. they noticed a house for rent right on lake.. I figured all could stay longer, chip in on house.. enjoy vaca time etc.. SO I say.. why didn't yall do that.. and it goes on deaf ears.. so now that it is December and more of us have meet each other... it was approached again as an idea for all to rent  the house, enjoy the lake, fishers fish, vacation time.. etc... So hubby comes home and man does he have a way of making me wanna say hell no .. to that...
 First off... he tells me it was someone elses idea.. and they had brought it up again and this time.. had he asked me to go on the trip with them.. ??   he says no.. he hadn't thought to ask me. Then he says it came up again and this time they said.. hey did you ask Rene if she wants to go.. he said no, but I will...
So. he comes home.. tells me all this and says so ya wanna go?
ok.. first off.. I always wanted to go.. but the point was.. SOMEONE ELSE BESIDES ME BROGHT IT UP, AND THEY SAID NOT ONCE BUT FEW TIMES.. ASK RENE... Why does someone else have to say ask Rene..  ? if he loved me and wanted me to go with and fish or just enjoy vacation.. he should have done that on his own.. or better yet.. he should have never voiced to  me.. many times.. it was someone else who came up with it.. I could be closed eye to that and BE HAPPY TO GO ON TRIP AND BE LIKE YES.. TAKE ME..
or.. I could see it as I did.. which was WOW.. fuck u.. I will stay home !! No worries. !!!