Health Update.. Jan 10

  So, another day I have managed to wake up and wonder .. why the hell am I still here , alive, in this body, in this life. GGRRR.

Loosing weight fast. Really not wanting to eat.. but also cuz lips, mouth, throat .. etc keep swelling or bad pain. Skin disease bad everywhere. Infections taking over. Still sick. Caught everyone's colds etc.. been fighting for a week half at least with just that alone.

Nails are starting to grow back. Hair growing quick.. but thing all over my body just up and down.

Brain fog one day.. clear the next. Cant sleep... SO MUCH HARD TO EVEN THINK OF EVERYTHING I AM DEALING WITH RIGHT NOW ~

Cant taste, cant smell, numb mostly. Eyes and ears bad. Speaking is hard and my concentration is nuts.. I forget stuff like 2 seconds later.. Just like in a minute I will have forgotten what I typed. I will have to go back and read it. That is why I do this. It is a point of reference for me.. and I wise word for others to know what I go through on a daily. And once again, I say this is only a drop of what I am dealing with right now. 

I AM still alive...damn it. So,  here is the health update.. hahahha

if Only

Fed up.. I think it's called.

What is it called when you live in a house with 3 adults and you are the only one to change toilet paper, napkins, tissues, paper towels, make tea, sweep porches, most the time take out trash.. do all the sweeping, vac, and mopping... ! Do the laundry, clean cabinets, clean appliances, clean doors.. straighten couches and furniture.. refill and restock everything. Clean and wipe down surfaces, dust, fix shades, put shit where it belongs, Turn off night lights, spray deodorizer and  air freshener..
Pick up used dishes, do the dishes .. dish washer.. sink, etc.
Get shit squared away for later in the day when stuff has  to be used.. and UNDERSTAND HOW TO NOT LET ALL THE OTHERS DOWN IN THE HOUSE ON A DAILY BASIS !!!!
I try very hard to think each day is a new .. but in my world it is not... literally same thing everyday.
I am stuck in a horrible version of the Twilight Zone show I think.
By lunch everyday, usually earlier.. I am so disgusted.. and its same shit.. Jade either sleeping or she comes in.. and shit is chaos.. NEVER FAILS...
I give up.. NO, I REALLY GIVE UP ~

Randoms...

Sometimes I am just over taken by the randoms.. like.. (one example):

How do you thank someone for a thank you gift you received? Weird

and when you do something out of kindness and then it becomes something you are expected to do.. or conflicted by … every week.. for instance.. bringing in neighbors trash can after trash man has come on Tuesday. Then it becomes something that's an issue every Tuesday for life.. Do you bring it in.. do you rotate turns? What .. lol

When your daughter is modeling ( tat Model) and it becomes more.. and you love her classy stuff, but the other stuff.. breaks your heart as a mom.. but you know when you were younger than she is now... you were doing worse...you cant keep telling her stuff to try to control her because that WONT HAPPEN ! AAgghhhhhh.. damn it.. Yep, its Wednesday now.. Crazy days gone by. All are sick.. Stuff with Bo and other dogs.. I cant function .. then I can.. OMG I am going NUTS...

U R Welcome....

Y~E~P...

4 days in ~

January 4th already and I have lost another few lbs in a just a couple days. Everyone here in the house is sick. I am fighting so hard just to keep my head above water.. but what will happen, will happen. I cant control that any more than the weather or peoples stupidity ! Jus gotta take it as it comes and hope that with the bent over screw I am at least given a drop of lubrication.. dry humps are the worst. I am ready of a drop of comfort if I have to endure the screws almost daily.. right?? only fair to ask for a bit of lube.. lol
My swelling is horrible. The pain is horrible.. lots of things to deal with , but at least today I have a fighting chance.. my head is clear. I can think.. so thats a plus. I cant control my hands.. have already dropped food, dishes, towels, drinks.. just about everything I have touched has been an issue this morning. I even had to change clothes twice already because of being covered by gravy and coffee.. my dogs learned early this a.m. to stay a good distance away from me today.. hahhaha Gonna take thigs slow today and keep in low gear for safety reasons of course. I dont do well in slow mode, but once again I say... cant control certain things so I must adapt.
Going to take advantage of the rainy grey day and try to rest while all is quiet and dogs are resting and house is empty and sort of peaceful.. bedroom here I come.. maybe a movie.. if firestick allows.. hahha
Happy Friday out there. I will be back later most likely.. I am full of so many things to get out...

Red Friday

Well it is Red Friday once again. Have a great day out there peoples. Thank you to the many that fight for our way of life everyday ~

Warrior Wednesday

Trying to keep the blue skies in my sights

Wow.. I am a few days late.. sorry. I guess thats worse than having  someone standing by you for over 24 hours.. until you finally look over and say hi and acknowledge them. How terrible am I?

Hello 2019 !!

I have to say it's day 3 and things are just now making any sense to me. Bad days have been with me.. being alone, and havng so many issues..stressed and so worried about my furbaby. His health is so bad and I haven't slept taking care of him and others etc.. Yes, I bitch about being selfless.. but I am me.. I always will put others first.. especially those I love.

Today is a good day .. no complaints except dealing with stupid people on the phone.. I was so sick yesterday and today I am doing better finally. I am still sick and in pain, but my head is clear.. YAY

How , Oh how.. I could I forget..

Shit I couldah had a V8.. The Macys New Years Day Parade is on tv right now.. LOL
Jesus.. could my life be anymore crappy at the moment? Ok.. so don't say that Rene.. don't jinx the lovely life you have. IT COULD GET SO MUCH WORSE FOR YOU.. and I certainly do not need that !
Just so I have my shit in check.. what have I managed to do today so far... hhhmmm.. I know, a shit load.. and I still have to finish laundry, finish mopping, vac whole house, clean my room, finish my bathroom, make tea, figure out dinner for later... deal with dogs.. feed blanco when he gets up.. he is sick.. poor baby.. deal with the other 2 which is a huge handful nonstop, and sweep back porch and front porch...  finish last load dishes.. basically finish cleaning other side of house.. and clean all appliances.. jesus. I JUST WANT TO REST. I JUST WANT NO PAIN. I JUST WANT TO HAVE A HAPPY MEDIUM AND EVERYONE ELSE AROUND ME HANDLE THEIR SHIT AND PULL THEIR WEIGHT. I JUST WANT SHIT .. I WILL NEVER HAVE OR GET.
My New year slogan was to be the year of not giving a shit, but that wont happen. I have to find a slogan , a motto, that is realistic and just make it happen. I am pathetic, my life is pathetic.
so, back to Parade on tv.. I suppose I will listen while I finish mopping. I am hoping Blanco gets up soon,.. so I can do my room and just go crawl back in bed, try not to cry and focus on how bad I hurt etc. Maybe I might even get lucky and catch a good day on Firestick and be able to watch a movie actually.. but not counting on that... it will probably be TCM for ma later and I will get a chance to rest when all are coming in or waking up and my moment will then be gone... my window for me will be gone. My eyes are so bad, and fingers but still have to get this out..
I was mopping a bit ago in Bathroom and decided to weigh again for today.. my weight wow.. I went from 166 - to 173 whiole Phil has been home,, another story for later... and this a.m. I weighed 170.6 hhmmm. my body is in roller coaster mode .. like my brain. Go figure.. BRB..
back to house work I go !!! OH, yeah.. I hope my Hubby is getting rained on.. on the river and catching no fish ! lol.. No, I am not bitter at all... why would you think that? come on Ppl.. I am a nice person after all !! hahhaha.. Dont know where I would be without my humor ! Scattered in the wind somewhere by now .. I know !!

SO MUCH BRAIN FOG TODAY.. YUCK

Get out of my head.. would ya?

The rain is pouring cats and dogs once more.. but its so humid and warm.. so weird for a New Years day.. First in a VERY LONG time.. since I was young and lived in Florida actually. I am used to Europe snow and Ohio Valley snow and cold, ice,, ya know … ? Winter. Here in Alabama its like  70 and OMG.. I just cant seem to adjust. well I have adjusted but .. its still weird. I guess secretly I am hoping this is a bad dream and I am still going to eventually wake from it . NO dice.. DAMN !
In between breaks I am writing this.. and drinking coffee of course. I have been non stop since 0 dark thirty. But someone has to it. Its my duty in this life I suppose.
In life we are given the path we are on, the option of what we see and hope will be a brighter future, and door #3.. Maybe , I should have taken door number 3. LOL.
January 1,2019 and still trees with leaves and birds and critters just going non-stop.. OMG I miss KY!!!
I keep thinking to myself .. just do it, get it down, and then rest.. I repeat that so many times a day.. that is all I know. Wouldnt it be great to be sleeping in, or out on the peaceful river fishing about now? I guess I am the one with the great life though.
In just a couple of hours I will have done like 4 peoples jobs, and accomplished more in a couple hours than most will be doing all day.
But everyone thinks I have that Kush life.. I set around eating candy while watching movies and am bouncing all over the house with joy.. while my daughter and husband work so hard etc. I set and play games, watch movies, play on internet, etc etc etc etc.. SO NOT MY REALITY ,..
back to the point of my earlier post I suppose.. what people see and what the reality is.. are TWO DIFFERENT REALITIES, ESPECIALLY IN MY WORLD.
I want the easy , happy medium and I guess that is still just asking for toooo much.
People see this great life, wonderful family and pets.. a nice house, car, truck, Harley, Boat, RV.. etc etc etc.. and see my hubby work an easy job, my daughter live a lavish easy go life.. and me this wife that sets at home all day.. doing nothing. DEAD ASS WRONG PEOPLE.. oh so wrong !!!
I am sick, trapped in a house, no car , no life, clean, cook, Take care  of dogs.. do for 2 other adults.. plus.. put up with so much shit on the daily I am unsure how I actually get through each day really.. Just cleaning this huge house.. the fucking nutty ass dogs and all their shit, and do all I do.. not even counting  ... me being so sick and just trying to maintain and keep my shit together. I embrace the suck more than most. This was my option number 2. I choose and  I have to live it. I try not to lose my shit.. but it happens.. especially now since I am so ill.. Everyone thinks I am still the old me and  and it will remain this way until I go I guess... At this rate .. I hope and pray that will be soon.. and then THEY will look back and go OMG,, and have to live with the choices they made .. in their option pick !

On the inside , looking out

Yes, I said that right.. Yes, you read the title right. Looking out is just as bad .. as looking in.. somehow even worse really.

To any normal person, on any normal day... You would see a man, a wife, a daughter, and 3 crazy ass dogs. well cute dogs.. A pup Pitbull.. and 2 black labs that are almost 11.. one is now over weight, one is toooo frikkin skinny cuz of health issues, and one is just .. well a cute spunky, nonstop Pitbull mix. 

Wow.. today feels like a weekend morning.. why.. its humid and grey outside, but simi warm.. Phil is gone fishing .. yes, since odark thirty.. (nothing new there). and Yes, Jade is still in bed although its now going on 11. I have been up fighting with dogs since early. Bo wont eat.. just horrible.. Luke wants to eat everything,, and I couldn't handle it.. even though I said "NOT TODAY" I am on vacation.. the house was yuck.. the laundry needed to be done. etc etc etc. You guys know when I say etc.. THAT MEANS A LOT OF SHIT TO DO RIGHT? Of course you do.. You know me well enough by now.. I am one that does the work etc for 3.. I take care of dogs on top of it all too !! One can NEVER consume the amount of coffee that I actually have to.. or feel like I have drank everyday just to meet a happen medium in my fucked up world.. living in the Cul-de-sac in Salem Alabama.. LUCKY ME. Oh wait.. It's not the weekend.. IT'S A FRIGGIN TUESDAY... JANUARY 1ST.. THE FIRST DAY OF THE NEW YEAR !!  Fuck , I AM trapped in hell... Oh I mean... I have the best life ever. (oops) !!!

It's here !!!!!

Good Morning Folks and Devoted Readers.. (ok)
So, hello 2019.. Wow.. really, that was what all the hype was about. No biggie just another year saying goodbye and watching the ball in NY drop to ring in a new year of yes.. again nothing but stupid shit.
Oh, I am sorry.. you guys thought I would be cheery and shit would be different huh? well no dice here. I tried to be up beat.. I tried to keep everyone else in a good mind set and flow, but what is.. always prevails y' all !
Did manage an hour of greatness or so.. a happy medium.. long enough for a movie and all of us setting on couch like a loving family.  Junk food, laughter, etc etc.. it was awesome while it lasted.
After the movie.. Jade was sick already.. getting high, lots of shit food, and mixing drinks didn't help her already messed up tummy.. she went to bathroom and to room and played video games, Phil turned tv to fishing.. the dogs tore up shit and were cray cray. I said oh my god really?? and my mouth and face were swelling so I grabbed some meds, and hit the bed.
I watched a damn Disney movie by myself for a bit... then closer to midnight Jade surfaced.. sat with me.. I got out drink glasses and Phil opened the bottle of champagne.. We switched TV to Rocking Eve show.. and listened til the ball got ready to drop.. we counted down, poured our glasses.. at 12 we toasted, kissed, drank our drink..  and it was over just like that.... Exciting way to start the new year.
I could say I spent a great safe night in... with the family , but it was pretty much like usually really. Except Jade got stoned more.. Phil was a drop nicer, and we actually all stayed up together until almost 0100. Of course, since Jade was here she grabbed Blanco to go sleep in her room.. so Phil thought he would get lucky.. since we had bed to ourselves. Yes.. I hurt.. cried, and was miserable.. but I finally gave in,,, it was nice for the most part.. but then back to business as usual.. He put the mask on, very noisy indeed.. the rain was coming down hard.. He started his deep sleep thing quickly and I sat up awake half the night… going hello 2019.. LUCKY LUCKY ME ~