Todays tantalizing topics :

Coping Mechanisms 

Sense of Sensibility 

Self worth

Relativity

Random shit .. most important section of todays topics.. LOL....SHALL we get started ? 

Ode to this day...

Just because I don't use my great scope of vocabulary .. doesn't mean .. I don't have one. Just for clarification.

Time machine moment.. if you had one.. where? why? and when would you go? jus curious of course.

If one expands their mind and their knowledge.. I am pretty sure you will and can endure anything possible ! 

Oh... CBD oils .. you complete me.

Laughter is a must.. a sense of humor must be applied to almost everything to slay each day.

Own your shit proudly ! Yes, even your fuck ups.. especially your fuck ups.

Today will probably consist of climbing mountains and putting up with idiots. but any other way would be way to easy..

idk

Mid week soapbox session

I DO NOT understand one bit why ppl choose to get animals .. knowing it is responsibility and maintenance.. just to treat them horribly and choose the path which hurts the animal.. just one of todays' conundrums.... it is.

I know it is all part of the gods designs.. but still... it is hard to understand such a messed up purpose under the gods... I know  I am not the first or last to utter these words, but wtf ? really? 

Sickness is spreading quick.. I choose to watch something on tv that which will scare everyone off .. just to get my peace and sanity time.

Mid week and all still the same as the other day and yesterday.. When will that ever be something different? I ask.. WHEN ?

Blah. blah. blah...

Wednesday

aahhhh.......

U are ahead by a century

I want to NOT get lost today ~
I know I am very ill , but today is the best outta 6 or 7 thus far.
Infections are killing me and that is ok.. I see no reason to put extra thought in that. What is the end picture will soon be reveled to thee

perspective aloft

Mornin' memo..... Sip. repeat. It is a new day. New challenges to face. New words to be spoken. New dreams to be had. The great escape from this tragedy may surface this day.. I can only hope.. 

Tunes heal the soul..

AND I DON'T EVEN NEED MY FLUTE TO FIND THIS PLACE.. MUSIC HAS GRANTED ME MY ESCAPE FOR THIS MORNING.... O, LET THE MUSIC PLAY

what we see..

It is truer than true.. one lets the mind tell them crazy crazy things at times.. don't ever believe what you see and hear.. for our thoughts and such can be deceiving and not so. Our mind sometimes tells us stories .. so we do not have to see the reality of things. We can not always handle reality so we choose to escape to a better .. of what could and can be.

REALITY

a photo speaks a thousand words

Morning version of whatever

What I know today..

A. People suck
2. People suck

Next..... People suck !

I have acquired more sickness, didn't think at this point shit could get any worse.. I was wrong.

I ordered shit from a store online and come to find out.. it is coming from China.. yeah.. umm Coronavirus is shutting down shit right now. Its fixin to get very cray cray.

Not gonna stress, because what is., is.. RIGHT ?

wInDoW

I am ssssssssssssssssssssssso  fucking lost right now and I fear I might not make it back.. nor can I say I really want to !!!

hhmmmm

The saying goes.. to be a great writer or to write well.. you must know what you are talking about, you must express true emotion and feeling.. etc and so on.. Well I disagree. It  helps, but a person can be a smooth talker and spew out great sounding SHIT and just throw it down on something.. and others don't care.. it can be gold.. and gospel to some. Yeah, I don't get it.. but who am I to judge others and their views right?

I can only write about me and what I know to be true.. for me.. in my world.

I have my fuzzy socks, my hot coffee, and my attitude in check ready to start another day in this trapped world I live in.

What day is it? Oh yes, it be a Friday and getting closer to the end of January finally.. Thank god cuz January always sucks ass.

It is like a never ending fucking nightmare .. 

Day after day, time after time

In every thing I do.. I try to teach my kids and others about ways of the world etc. I never had anyone to teach me or show me and that is why since 93 ..  I have gone outta my way to share knowledge with those that need it. I wish I would have had someone.. I learned the hard way , or by being very observant over the years. I am a  very quick study and adapt and over come has always been my motto. Yes, it is from past live situations I am sure.. I always just knew.. so I know it had to be something I had already acquired.

Paying forward and teaching is a huge part of my everyday life style. Over all the years I had a few that helped me.. and I have in turn helped many... place to stay, rides, give stuff, buy stuff for... etc etc etc, PAY IT FORWARD IS ONE REASON WHY I AM STILL HERE.

Random wish.. that I had my fireplace inside house instead of out on back porch.. I would rather have a basement than an attic.. gggrrrr

Follow your heart and our head, don't  be an idiot.. if it fated it will be .. either  way you look at it.

Don't be  sheep today. Stay away from the herd, ad be your own animal.. Make a NEW PATH. Be the one others will wana follow. PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE.

Madness in my method

And if it's not you,

it might as well be me.

~ Blue Oyster Cult ~

It's the time in the season for a maniac at night !

We will be tested at every turn... That is a fact of life

Just because someone is present. doesn't mean they are there !!

Nature sets your thinking free,, find yourself . FIND YOURSELF

A test does not EVER measure a persons knowledge, skills, and or abilities.

nothing or no one is fool proof !!

Living is a contradiction.. People need an anchor & a compass.. Never 4get your TRUE north 

Everyone wants and needs to be loved..  Our hearts & souls require it for survival !!

Anything can be learned. All is a matter of choice. 

Don't ever feel you are in the wrong for being you ….. That is whom you are suppose to be !!

Our species never changes.. just our situations and scenarios.. If nothing else plz remember this.

a TrUe MonDaY

do's

things I should do today:

 Try not to stress , so I don't have another TIA

finish organizing closet crap

vac up all the damn feathers that were blown all over the room.. yeah, my pillow busted open in the mid of the night... lol

make plenty of coffee

drink plenty of coffee

give the furbaby his meds and joint stuff.. so he can move in this rainy ass weather

organize pantry 

organize my thoughts

send out .. I am live text messages

house cleaning

garage cleaning

outside bullshit.. yeah, pick up dog poop duty

do some light reading to keep my brain fog light

pretend I am not extremely ill

do some tech bs

yesterday was sports day, today is movie and show day on tv...……. Man I am a busy gal today.

Try to make it through this day known as a Thursday... 💓

~ mEh ~

Mondayest Mittwoch ever

"Good People" "Good Friends" .. don't .. jump ship.... when shit gets hard. The memo for today. Repeat as often as needed !
Different social medias today for different aspects of me... This.. FB.. Tumblr... it just is, what it isn't somedays.. and memos on  my cell doesn't always cover the moments I wanna scream and need to get words out.. Pissed at moment. went back to find something I posted.. thought I saved it.. it was good one.. yet nope it appears I deleted it without saving.. or hid it and cant find it. I was pissed that people were taking parts of my words and posting as their own.. so I made it unseeable .. even for me.. lol.. dang it.. crap.. shitty doodah.. oh well.
Update on the neighbor war.. After 2 weeks or so when we had bad storms a few days ago.. my neighbor texted me.. about storms being bad and then said hoped I was feeling better..
Sometimes y'all.. doing something late.. IS TOOOOO FUCKING LATE.. and she still never said anything back about what I posted.. so I waited a day or so to text back.. partially because internet and shit was out,, and partially because I wasn't sure if I wanted to text her back.. but I am a better person than her.. I at least had the balls to answer her back.. so I did.. I texted Thanx and a smile.... and its been left right there.

The weather was real bad the last few days.. One of my top worst storms ever actually.. lightening struck right next to our house and it fried our internet and our security systems and everything. It  was nuts.. and I have been trying still to recover from all my viruses etc.. Yesterday started puking.. cant keep anything in my system currently.. yuck

Tremors bad and all kinds of shit.. been a few moments I thought I was gonna have another stroke.. but I been hanging in unfortunately .. lol

Loosing weight fast again and just trying to make it through each day …. I have.

Thinkin' I shouldah just choose the fried eggs with chopsticks about now. and I took that left at Albuquerque, but still lost I am.. maybe that fucking right was the answer for me.. since I seem to be so damn backwards in this life.. I blame that on past lives. I do !!! 

IDK

sausage and biscuits cookin. the storm brewing and blowing in. Jade stuck god knows where being stupid.. ggrrr. Phil working in attic.. I drinking coffee and trying to act cool as a cucumber.. but on the inside I am screaming very loudly.. FFFUUUCCCKKKK !!!

When you have that feeling that the storm is JUST BEGINNING .. SSadddddd

mAyBE...

Donnerstag all day long

Do you put yourself out there, do you lock yourself away, or do you throw yourself under the bus?? jus asking for a friend.. lol
Cooking Stuffed manicotti, laundry, house, yard, dogs, and all while sick.. I don't know how I am getting one thing done let alone all the things I am doing. I know a higher power is doing it.. certainly not me.. lol
I have worked hours upon hours today and I am unsure why I have done all this.. I am so ready to go lay in bed and die now.. all would be done and I would be content. ppffftt !
I suppose the voices and those that are higher than I , are allowing me to manage through today.
 THANK YOU ❤
I have spoken. I have spoken !
The rains and severe weather are coming again.. oh man.. gggrrr… Cant win ! I feel it hardcore too in every inch of my body and being. Need to finish preparing outside. Already the heavy winds have started. Advisory out now..
TWO weird facts kids... lol
1. I squeak a toy burger with my dogs and I too HAWL like a crazy wolf with them.. Therapy.. I say.. EVERYDAY.. SOMETIMES MANY TIMES....
2. I dive in head first and don't use hands , unless I am diving from high point or can't completely see under the water.. I would rather break a wrist than my neck.. Don't know how that started.. when I was young though.. I think it was when I had no choice.. and then it just became a thing.. a party trick like so many others.. and over years it just stuck.. like flipping quarters off the back your arm and catching em.. Ok.. I said .. fun facts... lmao..

WWHHHaatttttt

Does yee have little faith? hhhmmmmmm.. IDK

Moods are crazy cray cray.. my confusion leaves me flailing about. I managed to take a shower, but was mind trapped and so in my head I cant even remember if I washed my hair. I am lucky I could shower at all however. I found myself thinking about a grocery list, my daughter in bed still at lunch time, what my dogs were doing while I was trapped in the shower.. hahhha

and then the notion of what I do each day to just get through this fucked up life.. I use humor. I don't know how I could get through a day without that. It turns my tears and hurt into laughs and giggles if only for a bit.. but it helps me get through.  

Another shower thought was why in the world last night did my hubby just go on a spending spree for me?? something is up.. He got me shoes. and shirts and was all over the net trying to buy me stuff.. I don't get it ! I will find out however. Maybe he feels bad that he has shoved me aside and is trying to make up by getting me stuff.. which is usually what he does,, the timing though.. HUH? I will get my answer...I will get to the bottom of it. He thinks I don't know how he works.. lol

just cuz he doesn't know me.. doesn't mean I am the same. hhmmm.. a concept indeed !

CONFUSED...I AM SO INDEED. 

Maybe a nap.. maybe meds.. I am soooo ggrrrrr

 thinking about pretty sparkly gifs right now.. lol

January blues... I suppose

Humpday Humor..

A priest is sitting inside the church, when a guy comes in and asks to be confessed.
“Very well, my child,” says the priest, as he leads the man into the confession booth, “Tell me about your sins.”
“Well, Father,” says the guy, “On Monday, I was at my girlfriend’s house, and, well… the two of us alone, the house empty… I sinned, Father.”
“Don’t worry, child,” says the priest, “It’s perfectly normal to have such desires and share them with your partner. Nothing serious, just say two prayers and you will be cleansed of your sins.”
“But Father,” continues the man, “It doesn’t end there. On Tuesday, I was at my girlfriend’s house again, but she had gone out with her mates, and the only one there was her sister, and, well… the two of us alone, the house empty… I sinned again, Father.”
“Oh, child,” says the Father, “You must be strong and fight those urges! Eight prayers shall cleanse you of your sins.”
“But Father,” says the bloke again, “On Wednesday, I was at my girlfriend’s house again, and she wasn’t there then either, and the only one at home was her mum, and, well… the two of us alone, the house empty… Again I sinned, Father.”
“Good Lord,” says the priest, “Child, you must think about what you do, so pray-”
“But Father,” says the bloke, “On Thursday, I was at my girlfriend’s house again, and the whole family had gone to the shop, and the only one there was her aunt, and, well… the two of us alone, the house empty… I sinned yet again, Father.”
The priest falls silent.
“And then,” continues the bloke, “On Friday, I was at her house again, and they had gone out for the weekend and the only one there was her granny, and , well… the two of us alone, the house empty…”
The priest still did not answer.
“And on Saturday,” said the bloke, “I went to her house again, and there was nobody there except for her father, and, well…”
The man awaits a reply, but upon hearing none, he exits the booth – only to find the priest up on the belfry.
“Father,” he calls, “What are you doing up there? I haven’t finished!”
“Back off, I’m not coming down,” says the priest, “The two of us alone, the Church's fucking empty… and I don’t want you to sin anymore.”

Confused am I !!!!!

Another day went by and no word from my neighbor.. I guess I was right.. they aren't friends.. friends wouldn't do that. So let me remind you what happened.. weird since Halloween party.. then Christmas I got them stuff and they treated me crappy like I pulled something outta trash to give them, and then all seemed to be kind of ok and New Years eve night ..she sent me a text asking if I liked Spumante but I had a mini stroke and didn't see the text til way later... so a couple days go by to where I could text her.. and I did .. I said sorry for not replying, explained what happened, and wished them belated 2020 wishes.. and I have heard NOTHING SINCE.. not even an.. are you doing  better ? or anything.
I AM DONE WITH THOSE PEOPLE. I was so stupid thinking I actually could have neighbors for friends.. WTF was I thinking.
I am so frikking sick today , but do not just want to lay here in bed and whither away... I cant do much but I have managed to get about the house a bit, feed dogs breakfast, and drink 2 cups of coffee.. I cant even smoke a cig.. which its like 30 degrees out there anyway..  I can barely walk so just shuffling my feet along really. I am swelling and stuff is happening to my whole body..  I am sure more of that due to weather also.. I cant get settled.. I tried to read and keep mind occupied.. but my head doesn't want to read, watch tv, listen to music nothing. I couldn't even deal with playing my one games on my cell. I need to come up with game plan to get through this day.. like now.
Good thing about having a blog.. yep. .. I can say what I want.. when I want and how much I want. If I am nutty .. I can just set here and write blah blah blah 100 times if I want to !
I don't need FB or Instagram..WHERE PEOPLE ARE SHIT ANYWAYS !!!!
It's weird out there. It is weird in here..   Shit is just shit.. toooo much going on out there... Toooo much going on in my friggin head !
My brain is one of my most horrible enemies at the moment … Had so much I wanted to share early this a.m., but I am at a loss now.. FUCK ...

5 words or less...

Stuck

I'd like to say..

I only wish I looked this good today. Since this pic was taken.. a week ago or so... I have had my stroke and been very sick.. I am just gggrrrrr.. I just want to get past all this shit and I am unsure I am able to this time.. and what sucks is.. I  am still with it enough... to know and remember !! 😒

Tell it like it is... top 3 for Tuesday

Trying really hard to keep stuff in first gear.. I am. But I cant help it.. my brain doesn't stay idle more than a second. I am really trying to avoid most social media because all that does it get me stoked up and I really don't want to have another stroke today.. over STOOPID SHIT !
This morning was the same again.. I could post the most stupid made up shit and people that wanna be cool like me.. put it as there status.. they need to fucking think for themselves already.. that is why I don't get ALONG WITH TOOOO MANY PEOPLE THESE DAYS.. Sheep the lot of them. They just follow and do.. and steal and try to pass shit off as their own. Yeah.. I deleted that shit .. fuck em.. let them try tomorrow to copy my shit and take credit.. everyone already knows you took it from me and are stupid and cant think for yourself.. so thanks for proving my point I guess... so I don't really have to.
Still no communicay with the neighbors.. and guess what .? Its Tuesday.. uumm nope. They CAN BRING THEIR OWN FUCKING TRASH CAN IN.
I'm not saying anything here I wouldn't say to their face.. so if by chance they are reading this.. come ask me and I will tell you the same thing. I don't know what happened , but they aren't my friends.. that's for sure.. I will just try to get that hurt outta my system .. as like all the other shit. I had a fucking mini stroke for fuck sake and they didn't even ask how I was. No worries.. JUST NEIGHBORS.. I GET IT !!! Message received.. loud and clear.
The next thing.... whomever said time heals everything needs to be kicked in the vjayjay or the nutsack one.... Time doesn't heal shit.. it just allows us to lessen the pain, sting, or whatever you wanna call it. And we still never forget.. and most never forgive either.. you just cant take shit BACK ONCE ITS BEEN DONE !!!
In most cases time is our worst enemy also .. because we keep dwelling, rehashing, and reliving that sorrow, pain, hurt, whatever .. it never stops ~ TIME IS THAT DOUBLE BLADED SWORD ! Fact

pretttty muches...

Blue mOndAy

Mandalorian,, hhmmmm keeping me occupied for the moment I guess. not to bad. I have seen worse. Since my stroke on New Years eve I have been up and down and I am sensing I will have another soon if I am not careful.  I am not recovering correctly inside my head like I normally do after a few days or so. I am getting stuck in blackout moments etc.  Having multiple viruses at the moment isn't  helping either. I am facing it all on my own too, which makes shit even harder and is not helping my recovery.
Phil just pretends nothing happens and all is ok.. and just goes fishing and does his thing, Jade just gets more selfish and stays gone etc.. Which is a huge problem because she is such a mess. I worry and stress 50 times more than when she is just here laying around doing nothing. Her ass is fixing to be locked up again and she's not working and all over the playing field in EVERY way possible. I cant understand why she chooses to be this way. She has it all and pisses it off. I just have to let her go.
Health dish for now... Inside inverted tremors are bad, mouth is bad. Head aches and all head things are bad. few viruses.. ggrrrr. cant control body functions on and off.. ears bad, eyes bad. Just about all is bad. Nails ok.. no white stuff... but insides are getting worse. weight u and down .. its terrible. Horrible body pain just about everywhere with every thing,, speaking and managing is way low,, and I just cat seem to get the words out correctly.. I am in a brain and body fog and battle sleep too which is another huge prob in itself.. Marks are taking over neck now and spreading fast down my chest. Bathroom issues.. weakness, and all limb function  just a friggin mess.. ok I will stop there. my thoughts are discombobulated so bad.. surprised I can do this really.. I just really needed to get some thing outta my noodle.. aahhhh .. life sucks and then you die. Can I just die now?

love in it's simpliest form

WHy cAn'T it always  BE this SiMple?

Just walk away Rene

Double standards and hypocrites.. omg.. why so many? why do they breathe? why??? I shall stay away when those qualities come out. For they shall hurt me no more.. Could his memory be getting as bad as mine? NO.. he is just choosing to use it that way.. to hurt me.

if they do something.. but yet they do not allow me that same thing. ... I SHALL WALK AWAY. I am done.. WALK AWAY 2020 this shall be.. until I leave this life 

A Wednesday like all others...BUT IT IS A NEW

If you do not care about someone and how they are doing.. and you don't want to listen to their answer.. Then why do you ask someone .. how they are doing? Like really? Don't fucking ask then !!
Anyone can write or say something profound...BUT speakers of the truth.. the ugly truth.. 24/7.., thats to be marveled. A true rareity indeed. A clarity is what this ugly world needs.
Dystany.. yes it real.. as is the other word for the same thing.. FATE
Gotta learn to stay off one way streets .. I DO. I am so tired of being screwed by all.. I guess I am a gluten for punishment.. IDK.. but I need to remember neighbors are just that. co workers are just that, most around you are just that.. they are not your friend.. they just exist around you,, so you fulfill your purpose.
The new tradition in all will be... =    do something new and different EVERY TIME !!!
When you can no longer trust yourself.. that is when.. your world and your life change !! Words to remember all....
The few things I asked for for Christmas I did not get.. hhmm how funny.. only proved my point and thery more.. I was not upset I expected it.. for I am just a tag along and background noise in this house.
So strange how all that played out, I was proven right.. LUCKY ME.. not !!!
My tongue alwayss tells my anger & hurt of my heart. Why cant ppl understand that?
Why cant they see? They may never see. That will be their undoing actually.
Betrayal no more.. I shall know and see the truth from them all. PERIOD.
The rest is pety I shall not linger on.. Goodbye 2019 and the anguish you have caused me.

2020

TIA's are back

Christmas has come and gone and so the new year is now in full swing. I have been MIA because I have been very sick and facing many a challenges the last few weeks. I also did not get to celebrate the beginning of the new year  because fate had other plans for me. instead I suffered a TIA.. It all makes sense now .. I should have seen it coming and did not. It happened little after 8pm I think .. and I knocked out in craziness until I woke this morning by 0700 and my eye was shut and left side of face was sagging. Took me until 12:30 until I could see properly and regain all my facilities.. but I am doing better now and relieved because all I have been suffering has subsided..
example for those whom don't know what I mean.. hhmmm.. graphic analogy would be if someone is extremely constipated and it has created and left you suffering in so many areas for days.. true pain and suffering.. then finally your muscles fix and all is able to come out... you get it all out.. and suddenly your body works again.. no more pain and etc either.. all is ok.. at least until the next time it happens. That is where I am at..the relief is here and all is back to normal.. but as for how long now is the question... That is the first one I have had since we have been here.. so a bit over a year.. I had thought I had learned to control them.. but I guess my body and mind can only control so  much. This one was very powerful and about killed me. most likely the next one will.. AND THAT IS OK WITH ME ~