My Grand furbaby.. Luv him 💗
https://www.healthline.com/health/multiple-sclerosis/ten-things-i-cannot-live-without#1
Great spot for tips etc... PLZ CHECK OUT PAGE LINK ~ ❤
Scattered Memos to Nobody..( lost pages) WWG1WGA
MAGA baby..Digital Soldier & Warrior.. it is my coffee n' I against the World ! I've learned that you can't make people love & care about you, you just have to be someone worth loving...This is me.. Digital thoughts & Soul diving ~
Friday, November 30, 2018
Weekend is upon us
Pretty sure I have acquired an Upper R Infection due to my daughter and her germies and shit she brought in house with her yesterday from her excursions .. eating out and god knows where, with god knows who etc etc etc.. The food she gave me hours later I think was bad too. I got sicker hour after I ate and today has been hell.. now I am fighting flu, and more infections.. Just what I needed and wanted. Cant get enough sickness in me after all !! GGRRR.. ppfffttt .
She continues to do shit to not get well and lays around.. she slept til friggin 2pm almost today.. then laid around on couch for a couple hours.. talked on phone and then decided at about 430 or so.. she get in car and leave. She said haircut but cant see her coming home with that.. just like last 2 times.. I imagine another excuse to just do her running around etc. PISSING ME OFF !! her excuses and BS when all she has to say is she will be back , she's gonna go visit friends, take pics, get laid.. whatever.. I PREFER THE TRUTH !!!
Anyway.. we shall see when she comes in I guess.
She continues to do shit to not get well and lays around.. she slept til friggin 2pm almost today.. then laid around on couch for a couple hours.. talked on phone and then decided at about 430 or so.. she get in car and leave. She said haircut but cant see her coming home with that.. just like last 2 times.. I imagine another excuse to just do her running around etc. PISSING ME OFF !! her excuses and BS when all she has to say is she will be back , she's gonna go visit friends, take pics, get laid.. whatever.. I PREFER THE TRUTH !!!
Anyway.. we shall see when she comes in I guess.
My smile for today.. while I was outside working with my plants.. to keep my sanity... this little fella was laying there.. I had to take a pic.. (smile)..
My flowers after a few days still pretty as all get out.. Its a smile, but not a big one.. Hubby only got them to make things seem ok.. Shit was not ok.. GGRRR.
He needs to talk to me, solve probs with me, and not just fight then go buy stuff.. THAT SOLVES NOTHING !! It just flowers.. is all .. NO MEANING THEN 😞😠
Thursday, November 29, 2018
Another day raining in my "Neck of the Woods"
Why must the same shit happen every damn day? I don't get it..
Just wanting to get a frikkin hamburger takes hours .. if AJ is involved that is~
Earlier I just wanted to submerge in the bath water and fade away.. the only reason I didn't was the dogs would be left behind.. wondering WTF momma.. WTF Grammy?
So.. we texted and she on way.. but why still will it take hours? why cant she just stop.. why cant she change? why cant she be truthful and if she says she's gonna go get something.. just go get.. bring it home to me.. then take back off to do her all day secretive BS?
Why all the excuses? WHY WHY FUCKING WHY ?
I am so done with that BS..
If You’re Going Through A Tough Time & Struggling To Stay Positive, Read This
Sometimes life just comes along and kicks you in the teeth. It happens to everyone, and while sometimes you feel strong and capable of overcoming anything life can throw at you, other times, tough times can totally overwhelm you. If you’re in a bad place and struggling to believe that things will get better, here’s what you need to remember:
https://www.bolde.com/struggling-tough-time-heres-proof-everythings-going-okay/
https://www.bolde.com/struggling-tough-time-heres-proof-everythings-going-okay/
Wednesday, November 28, 2018
Families Coping with Autoimmune Disease by Robert H. Phillips, Ph.D.
An autoimmune disease can certainly have an impact on the family. It not only affects the individual with the condition; it also can affect every member of the family. The way the family feels about how it affects a loved one, and the cohesiveness of the family, is very important. If family members get along well, and they, like the person with the autoimmune disease, cope successfully with the disease, this will provide an important, solid springboard for progress.
Family members may experience many of the emotional reactions that the person with an autoimmune disease does--ranging from anger and depression to fear of the future or fear of complications. Sometimes family members react more strongly and possibly even more irrationally than the person who’s been diagnosed with the autoimmune disease. There may be more denial on the part of a family member. There may be guilt, especially on the part of parents if they feel that they have somehow contributed to the onset of the autoimmune disease in their children.
Some family members ignore or play down the disease. They often do so because they can’t deal with it. They may be afraid of its getting worse. They may feel that they’re unable to provide the practical or emotional support needed. Or they may be unable to accept the possibility that it might have something to do with them. Ignoring or denying it may help them not to think about it, hoping that it will go away.
On the other hand, there are family members who think of nothing else besides the autoimmune disease. They may constantly bombard their loved one with questions about their symptoms, treatment, and other activities. They may feel responsible for the person and believe that they must take total care of their loved one. They may dwell on this to the extent that they may appear to be smothering to the person.
Family members should use many of the coping strategies that the person with the autoimmune disease uses to deal with the condition. For example, education, support groups, and coping strategies are valuable for all. Let’s discuss some specific suggestions for ways that family members can improve their ability to cope with an autoimmune disease.
Have a family powwow. Since all family members are affected if someone in the family is ill, it can be very helpful for them to be able to share how they feel. A family meeting and discussion can help you improve constructive communication within the family. For this technique to work best, all available family members should be included. Give each person a predetermined amount of time (start with five minutes) to share feelings, gripe, air grievances-even cry. However, the intent of any communication must be constructive. No one else should interrupt. Reactions are permissible, but only after each person have had his or her few minutes. Just getting together to discuss feelings can bring family members closer together.
Strive for good communication. There are a number of things you can do to maximize the effectiveness of communication between family members. The better the communication, the closer the family, and the more support will be provided from all to all. Consider the following suggestions:
Be cautious and gentle in any feelings that are expressed.
Schedule time for conversations related to the autoimmune disease and its effect on each member of the family.
Allow others time to think about the issues that need to be discussed.
Allow a reasonable but not overwhelming period of time for discussion.
Express feelings in a clear, objective way. Avoid threatening language.
Ask clarifying questions (in a positive, constructive way) if there are any points that are not understood.
Listen carefully. Listening is one of the most important parts of communication. If you don’t really hear what others are saying, how can you truly understand what they’re feeling? Some suggestions include not interrupting when people are expressing their feelings or opinions, making eye contact and being sure you’re fully aware of what they’re saying, and even restating their comment in your own words to show that you understand what they’ve just said. Being a good listener will also set a good example for others--it will show them that you would like them to listen to you, too.
Look through the other person’s eyes. When you want to communicate effectively, it is extremely helpful (if not necessary!) to view the problem through the eyes of the person you’re talking to. If you’re totally wrapped up in your own point of view, you’ll have a much more difficult time trying to understand anyone else’s feelings or comments. But if you try to see the situation through the other person’s eyes, it will help you when you try to explain your point of view.
Work together to change family responsibilities. An autoimmune disease can cause a shift in responsibilities for different family members. Different family members may have to pick up any slack this creates. Changes in responsibilities can bring about anger or resentment. So work together with your family. Discuss these difficulties constructively.
Encourage family events. Often, family cohesiveness is strained because of a lack of time spent together doing enjoyable things. This can be changed! Have each family member suggest the pleasurable activities they enjoy. Try to get a consensus, considering any limitations the autoimmune disease may impose, and schedule an activity at a time convenient to all. Remember: The family that plays together stays together!
Consider implementing additional helpful tips. There are many additional ways of providing loving support for someone with an autoimmune disease:
Show a willingness to participate in any changes necessitated because of the autoimmune disease. Examples include participating in exercise programs or special activities, eating healthier, and being a willing participant in nutritional modifications.
Try to minimize the degree to which you are critical of your loved one for inappropriate behaviors.
Be supportive of your loved one if he or she is going through an especially hard time. Being able to provide genuine, loving support is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your loved one. And don’t always feel that you have to come up with answers. Just being supportive and empathetic can be helpful enough.
Try to be extra tolerant and supportive, rather than being critical, during times when your loved one’s symptoms (physical or emotional) are more pronounce. It’s also important to be aware of the difference between medical reasons or nonmedical reasons for these changes.
Use humor as an important coping strategy, but make sure that this is not perceived as making fun of the person with the autoimmune disease
A united family is one of the most important ingredients in successful coping. Having an autoimmune disease makes family relationships more vulnerable to problems, arguments, and even crises. Working through disease-related problems requires much more attention to the feelings of each family member. But it’s worth it. If problem spots can be smoothed out, a cohesive family can really be an asset in successfully coping with an autoimmune disease.
About Robert H. Phillips, Ph.D. Dr. Robert H. Phillips is the founder and director of the Long Island, NY, Center for Coping (www.coping.com), a multiservice organization that specializes in helping individuals and families improve their ability to cope with medical illnesses, stress, family concerns, and other life problems. Dr. Phillips is a charter member of AARDA’s Scientific Advisory Board and serves on its Board of Directors.
Family members may experience many of the emotional reactions that the person with an autoimmune disease does--ranging from anger and depression to fear of the future or fear of complications. Sometimes family members react more strongly and possibly even more irrationally than the person who’s been diagnosed with the autoimmune disease. There may be more denial on the part of a family member. There may be guilt, especially on the part of parents if they feel that they have somehow contributed to the onset of the autoimmune disease in their children.
Some family members ignore or play down the disease. They often do so because they can’t deal with it. They may be afraid of its getting worse. They may feel that they’re unable to provide the practical or emotional support needed. Or they may be unable to accept the possibility that it might have something to do with them. Ignoring or denying it may help them not to think about it, hoping that it will go away.
On the other hand, there are family members who think of nothing else besides the autoimmune disease. They may constantly bombard their loved one with questions about their symptoms, treatment, and other activities. They may feel responsible for the person and believe that they must take total care of their loved one. They may dwell on this to the extent that they may appear to be smothering to the person.
Family members should use many of the coping strategies that the person with the autoimmune disease uses to deal with the condition. For example, education, support groups, and coping strategies are valuable for all. Let’s discuss some specific suggestions for ways that family members can improve their ability to cope with an autoimmune disease.
Have a family powwow. Since all family members are affected if someone in the family is ill, it can be very helpful for them to be able to share how they feel. A family meeting and discussion can help you improve constructive communication within the family. For this technique to work best, all available family members should be included. Give each person a predetermined amount of time (start with five minutes) to share feelings, gripe, air grievances-even cry. However, the intent of any communication must be constructive. No one else should interrupt. Reactions are permissible, but only after each person have had his or her few minutes. Just getting together to discuss feelings can bring family members closer together.
Strive for good communication. There are a number of things you can do to maximize the effectiveness of communication between family members. The better the communication, the closer the family, and the more support will be provided from all to all. Consider the following suggestions:
Be cautious and gentle in any feelings that are expressed.
Schedule time for conversations related to the autoimmune disease and its effect on each member of the family.
Allow others time to think about the issues that need to be discussed.
Allow a reasonable but not overwhelming period of time for discussion.
Express feelings in a clear, objective way. Avoid threatening language.
Ask clarifying questions (in a positive, constructive way) if there are any points that are not understood.
Listen carefully. Listening is one of the most important parts of communication. If you don’t really hear what others are saying, how can you truly understand what they’re feeling? Some suggestions include not interrupting when people are expressing their feelings or opinions, making eye contact and being sure you’re fully aware of what they’re saying, and even restating their comment in your own words to show that you understand what they’ve just said. Being a good listener will also set a good example for others--it will show them that you would like them to listen to you, too.
Look through the other person’s eyes. When you want to communicate effectively, it is extremely helpful (if not necessary!) to view the problem through the eyes of the person you’re talking to. If you’re totally wrapped up in your own point of view, you’ll have a much more difficult time trying to understand anyone else’s feelings or comments. But if you try to see the situation through the other person’s eyes, it will help you when you try to explain your point of view.
Work together to change family responsibilities. An autoimmune disease can cause a shift in responsibilities for different family members. Different family members may have to pick up any slack this creates. Changes in responsibilities can bring about anger or resentment. So work together with your family. Discuss these difficulties constructively.
Encourage family events. Often, family cohesiveness is strained because of a lack of time spent together doing enjoyable things. This can be changed! Have each family member suggest the pleasurable activities they enjoy. Try to get a consensus, considering any limitations the autoimmune disease may impose, and schedule an activity at a time convenient to all. Remember: The family that plays together stays together!
Consider implementing additional helpful tips. There are many additional ways of providing loving support for someone with an autoimmune disease:
Show a willingness to participate in any changes necessitated because of the autoimmune disease. Examples include participating in exercise programs or special activities, eating healthier, and being a willing participant in nutritional modifications.
Try to minimize the degree to which you are critical of your loved one for inappropriate behaviors.
Be supportive of your loved one if he or she is going through an especially hard time. Being able to provide genuine, loving support is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your loved one. And don’t always feel that you have to come up with answers. Just being supportive and empathetic can be helpful enough.
Try to be extra tolerant and supportive, rather than being critical, during times when your loved one’s symptoms (physical or emotional) are more pronounce. It’s also important to be aware of the difference between medical reasons or nonmedical reasons for these changes.
Use humor as an important coping strategy, but make sure that this is not perceived as making fun of the person with the autoimmune disease
A united family is one of the most important ingredients in successful coping. Having an autoimmune disease makes family relationships more vulnerable to problems, arguments, and even crises. Working through disease-related problems requires much more attention to the feelings of each family member. But it’s worth it. If problem spots can be smoothed out, a cohesive family can really be an asset in successfully coping with an autoimmune disease.
About Robert H. Phillips, Ph.D. Dr. Robert H. Phillips is the founder and director of the Long Island, NY, Center for Coping (www.coping.com), a multiservice organization that specializes in helping individuals and families improve their ability to cope with medical illnesses, stress, family concerns, and other life problems. Dr. Phillips is a charter member of AARDA’s Scientific Advisory Board and serves on its Board of Directors.
Afternoon Random Rants & Raves
From the desk of a crazy woman.. (me):
* It would be so nice to sleep til almost 2pm everyday and stay up all night til 0430 or so... fucking off, talking on phone, watching movies etc and have no worries.. Yes.. my kid does that !! (Me screaming.. AAHHHHH )
* My husband has become obsessed almost with knowing what I do everyday every moment. He watches cameras inside and outside the house.. he monitors water usage, he monitors electricity usage, EVERYDAY he monitors everything I do pretty much. At first it was for emergency.. see what bills in new home would estimate.. etc.. those were the excuses... now, it just is.
He even knows every transaction I make financially etc.. he has constant access and emails and texts to everything I do through every card.. etc.
I cant shit.. literally.. without him, knowing it ! It's become creepy and annoying.. well now it makes me mad..because he waits til later and then throws out shit comments or throws shit in my face. Like a few days back I struggled with taking a shampooer apart and cleaning it by myself.. he literally watched me struggle and stop on camera for 30 minutes he said.. then I stopped. but, he never said a word about watching me etc.. until days later and then threw it out as a shaming comment towards me in conversation. He thought it was funny. I found it not so funny. He never said he saw me, he never tried to help, he never nothing until he decided to voice it as a fucking joke. I was in shock. I couldn't say a word when I found out.. I just had to laugh it off and move on.. but I couldn't sleep.. it haunted and upset me all fucking night long !! Because even when I said wtf.. he never said anything.
What I know for fact !! If you have MS, TIA's, Lupas rare disorder, and many other Auto-immune diseases.. it is a necessity to have a loving "team" and or a "circle of love".. IT IS A MUST.
Not having this makes life not worth living and a living hell everyday you are alive !! NO WAY TO LIVE AT ALL... PERIOD.. NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE !!! NO ONE should ever have to go through life like this... and even worse.. when being alone and not having those is one thing, but living with family and supposed loves one.. and still not having these support, safety, and love nets.. IS 50 TIMES WORSE. I can not even put into words the pain, struggle, anguish, etc etc etc.
* It would be so nice to sleep til almost 2pm everyday and stay up all night til 0430 or so... fucking off, talking on phone, watching movies etc and have no worries.. Yes.. my kid does that !! (Me screaming.. AAHHHHH )
* My husband has become obsessed almost with knowing what I do everyday every moment. He watches cameras inside and outside the house.. he monitors water usage, he monitors electricity usage, EVERYDAY he monitors everything I do pretty much. At first it was for emergency.. see what bills in new home would estimate.. etc.. those were the excuses... now, it just is.
He even knows every transaction I make financially etc.. he has constant access and emails and texts to everything I do through every card.. etc.
I cant shit.. literally.. without him, knowing it ! It's become creepy and annoying.. well now it makes me mad..because he waits til later and then throws out shit comments or throws shit in my face. Like a few days back I struggled with taking a shampooer apart and cleaning it by myself.. he literally watched me struggle and stop on camera for 30 minutes he said.. then I stopped. but, he never said a word about watching me etc.. until days later and then threw it out as a shaming comment towards me in conversation. He thought it was funny. I found it not so funny. He never said he saw me, he never tried to help, he never nothing until he decided to voice it as a fucking joke. I was in shock. I couldn't say a word when I found out.. I just had to laugh it off and move on.. but I couldn't sleep.. it haunted and upset me all fucking night long !! Because even when I said wtf.. he never said anything.
What I know for fact !! If you have MS, TIA's, Lupas rare disorder, and many other Auto-immune diseases.. it is a necessity to have a loving "team" and or a "circle of love".. IT IS A MUST.
Not having this makes life not worth living and a living hell everyday you are alive !! NO WAY TO LIVE AT ALL... PERIOD.. NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE !!! NO ONE should ever have to go through life like this... and even worse.. when being alone and not having those is one thing, but living with family and supposed loves one.. and still not having these support, safety, and love nets.. IS 50 TIMES WORSE. I can not even put into words the pain, struggle, anguish, etc etc etc.
Another day in my World
Thought maybe I should do a health update for anyone that might care out there somewhere..
Another day and my body still struggling hard core with Infections.. Bacterial, Viral, and Fungal.
Swelling bad, Face bad.. Last night lost eye sight again in left eye for almost 30 minutes. I had to time it of course.. no one gave a shit. Mouth burns can barely eat shit. Weighed this a.m. at about 0730 and I am setting at 170.3, up and down last week from eating pumpkin pie and bs to keep weight on and because I was stressed the fuck out. So I have been about 167.3 to 171.6 and I feel like I am on a friggin roller coaster ride constantly !
Still self medicating.. which will be the case until I breakdown completely and they take me to a Hospital for infusions or treatment. Trying to catch myself constantly when I feel shit coming on like.. seizures, fainting spells, TIA's.. But becoming extremely worried.. about the time to come when I cant do that anymore.. and I am almost at that point. No one cares though.. WHY SHOULD I ?
Sad when I cant even get someone to help me feed, water, take care of dogs.. or even spend a few minutes picking up dog poop .. that I have to go out.. almost get pneumonia.. germs, more infections all over again.. I cant get rid of stuff because I have no help and am exhausted.. Watching and helping sick dogs, changing water, cleaning and medicating them.. doing any of the stuff I have to do... JUST WITH DOGS.. all day long.. EVERYDAY. I have one furbaby that pees on stuff sometimes.. because sick.. or he throws up and its just hell what I am going through with this alone right now.. not counting all the other things !!!I am so trapped in hell. Everyone just watches me and listens to me struggling, getting mad, crying.. etc.. then I get upset with them.. and they don't get it.. they just get mad at me.. fights start .. etc,.. when all it would have taken was a few seconds for them to help. But they wont look, help, do, and or even put their fucking phones down long enough to help. I beg for help and they sill get mad.. NOTHING works.
Here it is almost noon and my 25 yr old wont even get up outta bed to help with anything. She's been sick but now after a week could at least help me with doing stuff with and for her dog.. I would think.. but then again.. there I go with.. what I wish or expect to happen.. not what is actually taken place.
Everyone says I live in fantasy land and have the issues.. but really I am the only one.. in the real world and doing shit, and taking care of business in this house.
I take care of myself, dogs, my fucking 25 year old.. and pick up and do for my husband.. when I am the one that should be taken care of right now. I'm not going to be able to stay at this pace much longer. I beg for help ! I cry ! I do it all and still.. NO Help.
Ok, back to health now. Nails are starting to grow back but brittle and yuck. skin infections bad, Bad headaches.. yesterday and day before I used the bathroom on myself 4 times.. 1&2 ,, that's VERY BAD. speech, taste, confusion, comprehension, all bad. Reflexes off, weak, you name it.. I am having issues with it. Cant even describe the pain, muscle cramps, bone pain.. etc etc etc...
I have UTI.. in lots of pain.. dealing with shit from head to toe.. so overall shit pretty bleak still for me right now.
And that's the latest folks ! Aren't you glad you stuck around for all this.???
SO much more to tell but having trouble thinking, finishing thoughts, and working fingers at the moment.. taken me forever just to type this. I AM SO SCREWED
FML
My Wednesday Realization
Unsure at this point what else I can do to get across to everyone.. I am changed and I am not like I was.. nor like them..., or do not work like they do ! You'd think after all this time it would have changed.. or with moving and starting a new... a light bulb would go off.. or something ...but still A HUGE NO!!
All I can do is cry and be mad.. and deal with the same shit over and over. I have NO choice. How do I continue on this way? How do I show them .. or even get them to care.. and wanna change? I don't get it. I don't understand. My husband still is so clueless and non-caring. He still thinks that continuing on this way and just going out and buying me shit.. fixes it. I even tell him stop, don't buy stuff.. break it down for him... straight and harsh.. and he still doesn't get it. Still he is determined to do shit his way and treat me the way he wants. I cant fight any harder or for much longer either.. I will just end up leaving this place and moving on to whatever comes next for me.
Monday, November 26, 2018
MS Reads for Monday...
https://www.healthline.com/health/multiple-sclerosis/ten-things-i-cannot-live-without#1
Great spot for tips etc... PLZ CHECK OUT PAGE LINK ~ ❤
Monday.. who cares.. Right?
Yep, It's Monday.. does anyone even care? UUMM nope.. just another day except today happens to be Cyber Monday.. weewwhoooo.
It's cold, rainy, and yuck. The world is burning, the weather is out of control, and shit is just continuing on... on its broken screwed up course.
Jade still very sick and going to doctor today. She needs antibiotics. The dogs are sick except Blanco.. still so many challenges for me to deal with. They go to Vets this week again for multiple stuff.. I just wish I could get them evened out and healthy so I can deal with me.. I am barely hanging on and getting worse.. I want to be able to do stuff and enjoy Christmas but at this rate ,.,, I will be in friggin bed.. GGRRR.
I don't know.. I just wish I could shake my head and wake up from this nightmare. Life is grand ! Life is GRAND!
Sunday, November 25, 2018
Now What ?? Seriously... What???
Been extremely rough last couple weeks. Dogs been sick, daughter sick, Holiday stress, fighting and craziness in the house.. to the point I asked my husband.. if you didn't want us here, why did you bring us here. I know the full moon and season change and chaos is just spewing over in the world, but I was thinking I could at least keep things inside my house at half happy medium.. I was O SO WRONG on that one. Been embracing sadness, anger, exhaustion, ETC.. it has just been never ending.
Thursday was ok.. and nice I guess.. Thanksgiving. .. Jade worked.. we did stuff, cooked, and ate when Jade got here around 6pm. Latest ever to eat Thanksgiving meal.. but nothing else was traditional either.. we prepared a Roast instead of Turkey this year, because of health concerns and tainted food.. ggrrr.
so food went over great.. then after dinner.. Jade started getting really sick with high fever even.. well while during dinner really. Got her squared away in bed and cleaned and we crawled in bed with pets and watched tv.. because hubs was gonna get up early to go fishing.. the rain was coming and it was cold.. so just sucked it up and went to bed late by myself after watching classic movies.. what a night it was.. not !!
the last couple days have flown by.. jade been in bed sick for a couple days.. and hubs finally made it fishing this a.m... I was so glad to hear .. a minute ago.. while I have been up sick since crack of o dark thirty suffering with my health, cleaning, taking care of sick dogs etc.. he has just been having such a ball and awesome day on the water.. blah !! by 0930 he had already caught 7 to 8 nice fish.. and having a ball. WELL FUCKING GREAT FOR HIM. That's so nice to know.. I have struggled, cried, and been so busy all morning while he was just enjoying his fucking morning in his Phillip Fantasy world. Isn't he lucky? No. I am not bitter at all.
Thursday was ok.. and nice I guess.. Thanksgiving. .. Jade worked.. we did stuff, cooked, and ate when Jade got here around 6pm. Latest ever to eat Thanksgiving meal.. but nothing else was traditional either.. we prepared a Roast instead of Turkey this year, because of health concerns and tainted food.. ggrrr.
so food went over great.. then after dinner.. Jade started getting really sick with high fever even.. well while during dinner really. Got her squared away in bed and cleaned and we crawled in bed with pets and watched tv.. because hubs was gonna get up early to go fishing.. the rain was coming and it was cold.. so just sucked it up and went to bed late by myself after watching classic movies.. what a night it was.. not !!
the last couple days have flown by.. jade been in bed sick for a couple days.. and hubs finally made it fishing this a.m... I was so glad to hear .. a minute ago.. while I have been up sick since crack of o dark thirty suffering with my health, cleaning, taking care of sick dogs etc.. he has just been having such a ball and awesome day on the water.. blah !! by 0930 he had already caught 7 to 8 nice fish.. and having a ball. WELL FUCKING GREAT FOR HIM. That's so nice to know.. I have struggled, cried, and been so busy all morning while he was just enjoying his fucking morning in his Phillip Fantasy world. Isn't he lucky? No. I am not bitter at all.
I've found myself.. well allotted myself... a few minutes to get on here and get some of this shit out.. so I guess I will be alright.. No worries for Rene.. I will get by.. I always do!! I am just so tired of struggling everyday , every moment .. to just get by. 5 cups of coffee in.. half a days shit done.. work of 3 ppl at least and I FIND MYSELF ASKING.. OK, NOW WHAT??? Unsure.. if I am asking about just today or what comes next in the days to come. I am a frikkin mess and not thinking I will come out of this for some time to come.. because nothing changes in my world.. I cant keep fighting them and it to change either.. IDK ~
FML.. I shall embrace the suck again today.. On a Sunday by myself.. Jade will get up eventually and take off I am sure.. she has modeling schedule for this afternoon and hubs with come home later this afternoon at some point and be all about himself and his frikkin fish.. GREAT
Friday, November 16, 2018
Another day.. Just lost in space
I don't know what the hell is going on.. I know me being sick has not helped either. I am coming out of the brain fog today, but stull sick and these damn infections taking over, plus the carrier monkeys keep bringing shit in the house to me.. so I cant help but keep getting sick.. they still don't understand.. and they wont until I am dead.. Yes, I know this to be fact !!!!
The dogs have me up and down.. taking care of them and their health issues
and giving them proper equal attention.
Everyday just gets more exhausting.. I am at my wits end..
ok, so I have to go handle dogs .. I will be back in a bit
Wednesday, November 14, 2018
Update for the week:
Ok, I am outta here.. I have to finish stuff around the casa so I can go rest. I am a mess.
Peace out Y'all….
I'm not crazy.. you are !
Folks do not ever let anyone ever tell you that Thanksgiving is the 3rd Thursday in November regardless of date.. and make you think you are nuts.. IT IS THE 4TH ~ Since declared way back in the day... by a Founding Father or someone... lol
It is ALWAYS the last Thursday in November... !! Period ! end of story.. lmao
Yes, I was telling my daughter, that regardless of date.. the day is always the same and my hubby corrected me and said 3rd Thursday.. After that much followed, but I did finally see I was correct and am now deciding whether to tell him to buff up on his History and Holiday dates or just let it go.. HHHMM... what to do ?? IDK.. I shall let it play out.. but I am not crazy folks.. THE GOOD NEWS.. I AM NOT CRAZY !!! 🙆
It is ALWAYS the last Thursday in November... !! Period ! end of story.. lmao
Yes, I was telling my daughter, that regardless of date.. the day is always the same and my hubby corrected me and said 3rd Thursday.. After that much followed, but I did finally see I was correct and am now deciding whether to tell him to buff up on his History and Holiday dates or just let it go.. HHHMM... what to do ?? IDK.. I shall let it play out.. but I am not crazy folks.. THE GOOD NEWS.. I AM NOT CRAZY !!! 🙆
Thursday, November 8, 2018
what cometh this way
I always ask myself .. what next? What now?? I have had a cray cray ...over the top.. kinda morning. Gutter guys even showed up and worked 3 hours in the rain.. Had no clue they were coming.. no one told me shit.. oh well... props to those 2 guys.. they worked in the frikking rain.. yup, I took video too!
I am thinking it might be movie time.. still have loads to do, but plenty of time on my hands. Still alone today and tonight.. I realized last night I would have to go back into alone mode, and in a new house and environment too.. Been a month so I am used to stuff around house and I have routines of doing stuff, safety checks etc.. but with the weather.. and other variables that have been thrown in the mix .. I have jumped into over drive I suppose. Not sure yet if that is good or bad thing. Shit IDK..
Good news today .. mouth a bit better. Had a very hard night but did manage to get a few hours rest... so that helped.. yay.. a plus for me today.
I have not eaten yet.. drinking coffee except to take meds this morn... and I drank Gatorade .. Dogs restin .. so I am thinking maybe I should chill and go watch a movie or something ..before craziness starts again in my world.
I am thinking it might be movie time.. still have loads to do, but plenty of time on my hands. Still alone today and tonight.. I realized last night I would have to go back into alone mode, and in a new house and environment too.. Been a month so I am used to stuff around house and I have routines of doing stuff, safety checks etc.. but with the weather.. and other variables that have been thrown in the mix .. I have jumped into over drive I suppose. Not sure yet if that is good or bad thing. Shit IDK..
Good news today .. mouth a bit better. Had a very hard night but did manage to get a few hours rest... so that helped.. yay.. a plus for me today.
I have not eaten yet.. drinking coffee except to take meds this morn... and I drank Gatorade .. Dogs restin .. so I am thinking maybe I should chill and go watch a movie or something ..before craziness starts again in my world.
Bits & Pieces
So.. when is it expectable to go from ☕ to this 🍷.. ?? 😜
Asking for a friend of course. Her name happens to be the same as mine however. LMAO
After yesterday and being locked outta my new home.. I am now paranoid as hell about doors and locks.. scared to step outside... THANKS AJ .. you have ruined me already in record time.. only a little over a month. HAW
Asking for a friend of course. Her name happens to be the same as mine however. LMAO
After yesterday and being locked outta my new home.. I am now paranoid as hell about doors and locks.. scared to step outside... THANKS AJ .. you have ruined me already in record time.. only a little over a month. HAW
Hello Thursday
Trying to start this new day out with a new positive thought or two. It's Thursday y'all. Good Morning peeps! I also am trying hard just to stay off social media today too.. not sure that will happen , but trying anyway. So many things going through the noodle since I woke up at 0 dark 30 this a.m.
My girl texted me last night when she reached her destination,, so not as worried.. She also messaged me earlier and said good morning.. I think I need to break down the boundary wall again and ask at least where she is.. she was road tripping for a photo shoot... unsure her exact location.. I am pretty sure only 4 hours away or so.. but on her own etc.
I am worried but not worried too. I have to keep telling myself stay quiet, supportive, and at arms length.. if I don't do that she gets further away.. she is 25 and knows it all !! ggrrrr.. but than again what 25 yr old doesn't? right?
I am proud of her though for being a manager at restaurant, and modeling here and outta KY too.. when she can. Her ink etc is beautiful.. and when she does her artwork and its classy I am happy and happy for her.. when she gets a bit risqué .. I get a little sour but try to keep my comments to myself as so not to get her going and thinking negative.. I have always encouraged her to be adventurous and try everything.. and she sure does.. She is an amazing Photographer too.. her shots are fucking amazing. I AM SO PROUD...
This was one of her Tat photo shoots.. Just love her stuff. Even her videos are great unless her peeps get in there and mix up shit a bit.. then I get a little concerned.. but I trust her and her judgement. She knows once shit is on the net.. it is always on the net. I cant tell her anything... she has the answers.. so I just watch her go down her road quietly sometimes.. until she reaches out for me and needs help.
I sure love my Boo Boo..💗
So as I set here and think of her.. I am realizing I need to get up now and get a few things done .. then take a rest time and get back on here in a bit.. Til later..
Wednesday, November 7, 2018
So many infections
Well found out now that I have so many Bacterial and Fungal infections that my body just cant fight shit off any more and I have now acquired Angular Cheilitis.. it also goes by other names too~ I have the most severe... yay me once again. I am such an over achiever.. I swear.
because I have multiple Immune disorders, ETC and to top stuff off,, its just swirling with all my other shit and I am at higher risk for the other stuff I already have dealt with or am dealing with now.. I AM STUCK IN A CATCH 22 really!!!
So it' s rest as much as possible. creams, pills, etc etc etc.. just what I need more creams and treatments in my daily regiment. Life is grand when you are me !!!
because I have multiple Immune disorders, ETC and to top stuff off,, its just swirling with all my other shit and I am at higher risk for the other stuff I already have dealt with or am dealing with now.. I AM STUCK IN A CATCH 22 really!!!
So it' s rest as much as possible. creams, pills, etc etc etc.. just what I need more creams and treatments in my daily regiment. Life is grand when you are me !!!
I just need 10 minutes
Just miserable .. I am. My mouth, throat, tongue, lips, etc.. swollen so bad.. so much pain. I took meds earlier but even high powered shit wore off fast. I am at a loss. These diseases attacking my face is a first and so hard to deal with on so many levels. I am completely out of my mind over it all.
NOTHING working or helping. I am also about to go nuts and hurt these 3 damn dogs that are testing me to the fullest of levels.... they wont calm down for 2 seconds. I am just done. I want quiet and relief and just some peace for like 10 minutes..
I have tried to set down and watch movies but they wont even let me enjoy that... like dealing with 25 ,,5 yr old boys.. that are ADHD.. in the worst way possible. I laugh, but its no joke.
I am done..
Cant eat and hungry actually. I might try drop of ice cream, but even that will only help like 2 minutes and then back to the norm. I just so sad and wanna cry.. crying only makes shit worse.. especially this.. I cried the last few days and kinda learned my lesson.. u could say. WTF do I do?
NOTHING working or helping. I am also about to go nuts and hurt these 3 damn dogs that are testing me to the fullest of levels.... they wont calm down for 2 seconds. I am just done. I want quiet and relief and just some peace for like 10 minutes..
I have tried to set down and watch movies but they wont even let me enjoy that... like dealing with 25 ,,5 yr old boys.. that are ADHD.. in the worst way possible. I laugh, but its no joke.
I am done..
Cant eat and hungry actually. I might try drop of ice cream, but even that will only help like 2 minutes and then back to the norm. I just so sad and wanna cry.. crying only makes shit worse.. especially this.. I cried the last few days and kinda learned my lesson.. u could say. WTF do I do?
Mittwoch check in...
Today was a day.. fighting with the kid, SHIT STORM MORNING !!! more bad stuff all around.. dogs nuts.. hubbs and his stuff... grrrr. Miss him and he is dealing with shit stuff there so.. it makes me sad etc..
neighbor issues.. well not issues.. but their furbaby got attacked yesterday in neighborhood by another dog up road.. and sad news.. plus issues with dogs and problems in our area.... they also had to help me when Jade locked me out of house on accident.. funny shit right there..
The weather .. man it stormed bad and more to come later.. but I am set watching fire on TV.. no sate issues.. etc etc etc and so on.
The dogs decided just now they will have a bark and howl war.. they always seem to know the perfect time to do that shit.. at this point all I can do is laugh.. my head is about to explode.. oh well..
it just is ! ~ LMAO
neighbor issues.. well not issues.. but their furbaby got attacked yesterday in neighborhood by another dog up road.. and sad news.. plus issues with dogs and problems in our area.... they also had to help me when Jade locked me out of house on accident.. funny shit right there..
The weather .. man it stormed bad and more to come later.. but I am set watching fire on TV.. no sate issues.. etc etc etc and so on.
The dogs decided just now they will have a bark and howl war.. they always seem to know the perfect time to do that shit.. at this point all I can do is laugh.. my head is about to explode.. oh well..
it just is ! ~ LMAO
Tuesday, November 6, 2018
1100 p.m. and what' s up????
Votes still being counted etc.. last I checked however, Red was making a killin….. House, Senate, and Gov
Vols won their BB game tonight... Yay Vols !
KY and Duke playing now... started late.. still in 1st half of game... Blue Devils currently winning,, but KY a great 2nd half team.
Jus sayin,, GOOD SHARE
Is God Your Father Or Is It the Roman Catholic Pope?
According to the scriptures, there is only one person who deserves the title of “Holy Father” and he is sitting on a throne in Heaven, not on a throne over in the Vatican. Peter is often referred to as the “first Pope” of the Roman Catholic church, but when you study the scriptures you will find that Peter was just another Christian who refused and disdained the praise which came from man. If Peter were to walk through St Peter’s Square, and visit the Vatican in Rome he would be appalled by all of the gaudy idolatry and man-made traditions of the Catholic church. If you study the scriptures you can get the true picture of Peter fairly easily. In the book of Acts Peter rebuked a man who fell down on the floor to worship him, because he knew that he was merely a redeemed sinner, who was saved by the mercy and grace of God:
And as Peter was coming in, Cornelius met him, and fell down at his feet, and WORSHIPPED HIM. But Peter took him up, saying, STAND UP; I myself also am a man. (Acts 10:25-26)
Peter would NOT put up with such idolatry, and he let that man Cornelius know right away. Fast forward to modern times, and you will see people bowing down like little puppy dogs before the Catholic Popes, kissing their rings, and paying homage to them wherever they may go. This is actually something that has been going on for centuries. The Catholic Popes, including the current Pope Francis, are often referred to as the “Holy Father” or “His Holiness” when the true Christian knows that those titles are reserved only for God himself. The apostle Peter walked side by side with the Lord Jesus Christ, so he would have have heard, and known the instruction which the Lord gave addressing any man as Father!
And call NO MAN your FATHER upon the earth: for ONE is your FATHER, which is in heaven. Neither be ye called masters: for ONE is your MASTER, even CHRIST. (Matthew 23:9-10)
https://parousia.org/archives/13412
And it only gets BETTER ~
1K for a phone.. I DONT GET IT.. but apparently my hubby does.. am I sour.. yep, yes I am.. when we need screen doors, curtains, rugs, and things done around our house.. yes I AM SOUR.
If he needed a new phone.. which he did.. he could have gotten many new phones less expensive.. So is it all about him.. yup.. Just like my daughter.. another day of very hurtful lies.. she was suppose to be here hours ago do dinner etc with me.. comes in a few minutes ago.. uummm 7pm.. hasn't even spoken 2 words to me... so is shit ok.. no , NO IT'S NOT .
I try to pretend like shit is great.. but very far from.. my health over last couple hours.. gotten worse. having trouble breathing and just getting by right now.. but ya know... its good. gonna do what I have to do to take care of me and dogs.. get shit squared away and get in bed hopefully in next 2 hours.. jus do for me and the dogs.. screw everyone and everything else..
I am so not even watching election coverage.. or opening Basketball games.. it's all just filler anyway.
Maybe when I lay down tonight .. my prayers will be heard and I just wont wake up in the a.m. ????? we shall see Blog World.. we shall see
If he needed a new phone.. which he did.. he could have gotten many new phones less expensive.. So is it all about him.. yup.. Just like my daughter.. another day of very hurtful lies.. she was suppose to be here hours ago do dinner etc with me.. comes in a few minutes ago.. uummm 7pm.. hasn't even spoken 2 words to me... so is shit ok.. no , NO IT'S NOT .
I try to pretend like shit is great.. but very far from.. my health over last couple hours.. gotten worse. having trouble breathing and just getting by right now.. but ya know... its good. gonna do what I have to do to take care of me and dogs.. get shit squared away and get in bed hopefully in next 2 hours.. jus do for me and the dogs.. screw everyone and everything else..
I am so not even watching election coverage.. or opening Basketball games.. it's all just filler anyway.
Maybe when I lay down tonight .. my prayers will be heard and I just wont wake up in the a.m. ????? we shall see Blog World.. we shall see
Super Tuesday
More like "Shit Tuesday" really !!! Sleep about null. Kid being her normal self ..ggrrr.. WHY?
Another day hubby gone for work. Dogs and health testing me to the full limits on EVERYTHING
Shit breaking, nothing making sense, one little thing after another. I get ahead and then a set back of 5 steps.
Health update for today:
Tuesday 6. November
Day 14 my mouth still yuck. Swelling had gone down and its better inside but lips still bad.. and now swelling starting again. No meds working.. staying clean, every kind of trick, med, and etc nothing works.. no blisters .. inside mouth and lips ok..
My Autoimmune diseases have run rampid again.. I knew it was only a matter of time because the last 2 months have been a nonstop whirlwind.. but damn.. Docs on chat now telling me it is possible I have acquired yet another AID.. WTF ? IDK
I almost don't even care.. I am so ready to go.. really I am ~
Could be more Lupus Issues
Another Autoimmune Bullous Disease
Crohn's
or even a huge chance of a form of Sarcoidosis..
My Immune system is fighting hard what ever it is … for whatever reason.. Like I don't already have way to much shit overflowing from my plate , my bowl, and my cup !!!
I am doing all I can and meanwhile staying inside so no one can see my hideous looks and swelling right now. Pain is at points just unbearable but It is what it isn't.. nothing more I can do.. either way its something I can just keep treating and move on if I can.. IDK
No one around me gets it !! No one even cares .. so why should I??? Thank Goodness for picture filters..
Todays selfie... ( even every filter out there... cant hide my swelling and screwed up mouth..)
Todays weight.. 169.6 lbs (last couple months bouncing between 167 - 171.4
I loose weight and then I eat chocolate etc and junk for a couple days.. bits here and there., just to keep weight up !
Another day hubby gone for work. Dogs and health testing me to the full limits on EVERYTHING
Shit breaking, nothing making sense, one little thing after another. I get ahead and then a set back of 5 steps.
Health update for today:
Tuesday 6. November
Day 14 my mouth still yuck. Swelling had gone down and its better inside but lips still bad.. and now swelling starting again. No meds working.. staying clean, every kind of trick, med, and etc nothing works.. no blisters .. inside mouth and lips ok..
My Autoimmune diseases have run rampid again.. I knew it was only a matter of time because the last 2 months have been a nonstop whirlwind.. but damn.. Docs on chat now telling me it is possible I have acquired yet another AID.. WTF ? IDK
I almost don't even care.. I am so ready to go.. really I am ~
Could be more Lupus Issues
Another Autoimmune Bullous Disease
Crohn's
or even a huge chance of a form of Sarcoidosis..
My Immune system is fighting hard what ever it is … for whatever reason.. Like I don't already have way to much shit overflowing from my plate , my bowl, and my cup !!!
I am doing all I can and meanwhile staying inside so no one can see my hideous looks and swelling right now. Pain is at points just unbearable but It is what it isn't.. nothing more I can do.. either way its something I can just keep treating and move on if I can.. IDK
No one around me gets it !! No one even cares .. so why should I??? Thank Goodness for picture filters..
Todays selfie... ( even every filter out there... cant hide my swelling and screwed up mouth..)
Todays weight.. 169.6 lbs (last couple months bouncing between 167 - 171.4
I loose weight and then I eat chocolate etc and junk for a couple days.. bits here and there., just to keep weight up !
Monday, November 5, 2018
Sick YUCK
SO FRIGGIN TIRED OF BEING IN PAIN AND BEING SICK.. I AM SO OVER THIS DAMN DAY TOO. I CANT EAT, CANT CHILL, CANT FOCUS.. CANT NOTHING.. I HATE IT !!!
I JUST WANT THE PAIN TO STOP !! PLZ STOP !!!!
I JUST WANT THE PAIN TO STOP !! PLZ STOP !!!!
Huge Tuesday.. (2morrow)
Yep, gonna be a big day tomorrow for sure. Mid-term elections.. KY Wildcats opening Mens Basketball game🏀 against Duke.. and oh so much more. I am sick ggrrr. Hubby is gone for a week. Daughter is doing her thing.. so it's just me and 3 dogs to take care of.. I will be lucky to make it through the day really. So worried about voting thing... if Dems get those votes our Country will be in the shitter... scary scary thing
Vote Red 2018
A quick catch up
So this is the deal... I was in KY, and now I am in AL. We moved Oct.1,2018 (duh)
Tryin to stay positive.. trying to figure shit out.. Trying to start over after so long and so much.. FRIKKIN CRAY CRAY.
Many infections going on. Worst is my stuff from neck up.. mouth, lips, throat everything swollen and infected. SO many infections. Trying to keep weight on really. I weigh 168lbs. If I get to 165 and below my body will spiral and I cant fight anymore.
House beautiful. Been putting it together mostly be myself.. when others here they help.
Outside and inside so much has been done, but so much more to do..
A LOT has been accomplished in just a month.
Tryin to stay positive.. trying to figure shit out.. Trying to start over after so long and so much.. FRIKKIN CRAY CRAY.
Many infections going on. Worst is my stuff from neck up.. mouth, lips, throat everything swollen and infected. SO many infections. Trying to keep weight on really. I weigh 168lbs. If I get to 165 and below my body will spiral and I cant fight anymore.
House beautiful. Been putting it together mostly be myself.. when others here they help.
Outside and inside so much has been done, but so much more to do..
A LOT has been accomplished in just a month.
New adventures
Holy shit batman !!!
I ordered shit offline today for the house and me from Walmart, Dollar store, and Bath an Body.. Never thought I would do that ever ~
I ordered shit offline today for the house and me from Walmart, Dollar store, and Bath an Body.. Never thought I would do that ever ~
Day 5 : Giving Thanks
One just always has something to be thankful for.. even when they think they don't !!!!!
Even when our youngest gets me so worked up ..I wantah kick her ass.. I am still THANKFUL ❤❤❤
Whoa!!!
Well a new Month, a new State, A new Adventure for me …. I guess..
I have been gone for a few months and I can not even begin to tell you what I have gone through, but I will try to catch up for ya later..
Fall is here in all her glory.. Picture is so fittin in EVERY way.. JUs sayin'
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