Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Watering the Orchids .. I think to myself maybe I will smoke less today.. that's funny.. ha
Already ahead of myself in the game of life today. Woke up this a.m. at 0 dark thirty (0450).. Got up with Phil and instead of trying to rest again... I said screw it and he made me coffee. Watched the sun come up and decided to get stuff done,, so most inside household list already accomplished.. and started outside.. outfront I watered plants, checked all stuff.. grieved about lost garden that got stomped on and washed away.. moved on... Cleaned mold spots on front porch.. ( gotta love Alabama).. and wiped away cob webs off front porch roof low hanging area.  Out back porch and yard stuff.. done.. check check !!!What now?
Random as everything else.. I sure hope we get rain..  I know we should be praying for it to wait a few more days til we get irrigation stuff finished out front.. but we have missed out on so much rain and I am ready for it !
Cloudy cool morning.. finally... and fav part too.. when the daily hustle hasn't started yet ~ Hummers are mad I moved feeders around.. lol.. I win today birdies..
So share time.. fact.. The beginning of each new week the hubs usually goes shopping.. asked him to get shrimp and fish we could cook,, not already cooked in boxes...frozen..lol and suppose I should have been more specific.. he comes home with half the text and 3 different kinds of sushi for dinner...
Spicy one.. YUM, Cream Cheese Roll.. yum.. and last but not least.. uumm I DK.. hahah . but, it was good.. with shrimp bites and veggies  🍣 Then when I go to taste the fresh garnish of spicy cabbage and W sauce.. I get toooo much on finger.. put in mouth and instantly wanna cut my tongue off.. while I am dying.. everyone stands around laughing at me as usual.. no help.. just laughing at me.. AHOLES!!! ha I got their numbers... [ love ya , jackasses]



Soooo round and round I go. The little mini-me... in my head.. the one that is that "old" bad ass bitch me.. all sported out and working out hard core.. running 10 miles everyday plus.. yeah,,, that little old me bitch needs to stop sweating all over me and to get outta my head. She keeps me spinning and in over drive ...while the rest of me is at deaths door. STOP bitch.. Hahahaha.
She keeps saying to me... strength grows in the moments when you think you can't go on anymore, but you keep trucking on anyways. Great words and all... and most days I give into THE VOICE , BUT SOME DAYS I JUST CAN'T DO IT ! Then I battle inwards because I have set myself up for failure. and I battle to do what the voice inner me says and then I am so miserable.. I guess I will just be one miserable bitch when I finally die.. I am so tired Y'all, I REALLY AM . I fight everyday to get through that next day. Is it suppose to be this way? Does anyone know? Seriously.. if you have answers for that.. enlighten me.. o wise ones.
More visions last night. Saw not only my dead gran, Allmon, but others.. I know my time is close. I also saw Jean ( mom) & Kim my Aunt.. they must be ill or facing great challenges right now.. It was so intense.. the things I saw.. I am not going to put it here,, but I will remember in my heart and soul what I saw and heard.. Still unknowns in the mix.. hhhmmmm.. oh well.. I got the messages loud and clear.. But I already know my time is near..
3 outta the 4 things have happened.. and my future Prophecy from College Station has all come true now.. just one thing left to... come to pass. I will not go scared into the other world.. I know whats to come..  Between dying already and coming back.. and the other experiences I have had.. I already know.. I guess that is why I am so Realistic and calm when it comes to certain things.. when ya know,,, you just know.. why stress it..? Ya feel me ???

Yep



Sometimes, it's a great act of pure courage to admit to oneself & others that you are hurting... and to take responsibility of that pain and hurt... so you DON'T pass it on  ~

Tuesday, July 30, 2019

Always a catch-22


Wanting to stay in bed.. but not wanting to stay in bed... I am sick and in so much pain.. I have acquired someone else's  funk again... more sickness and infection.. yuck. Wanting to watch a movie , but not being able to see well and not being able to decide on what era and type.. or flick.. grrrr.
such as my everyday pretty much.
I have been so up and down.. I am ok enough to want to go outside and see people and then after a minute.. I am sick again.. I get weak, anxious, hot, nauseas, and so on. My neighbors probably don't know what to think.. phil tells them I am sick then within 24 hrs they see me outside for a minute and they probably think we fibbed to them about how I was feeling.. I can reassure all.. that is not the case. I can be ok and then hour later.. cant see, hear, feel, walk and or talk straight etc.. just no telling when and where it will hit.. such is why we don't plan stuff anymore,, and things are so strange and etc on our schedules and agendas.. Why I have no life anymore, cant work, and have to do stuff when and while I can. FRUSTRATING indeed to put it mildly... which always leads me to catch 22's ..grrrr.

Want to see people and be social.. cant handle sound and smells. Want to listen to music, but have headaches and ears hurt. Want to clean, do house stuff, yard stuff, but cant do it after about 2 seconds have to stop sometimes.. or I muster through and pay for it dearly later.. grrr..
Wanting to do Social Media.. but not wanting to do it at the same time... granted I don't do anything these days but, FB, IG, SC (with close peeps), and maybe just drop on Pinterest and this Blog.. other than that.. no crazy shit for me anymore.. Social media is nucking futs mostly !! hahah Hence the catch 22.. because I am such a social person.. Mostly an in - person kindah social gathering.. but cant really do that anymore much except for hanging with neighbors outside a bit.. My life is FUBAR and it sux ass !!!💛💜💙💗

The Million $ question





How many times in your life.. has someone said to you.. where do you see yourself in 10 years ? Or times that you said it out loud in conversation, or thought about it in your thoughts? I know I never really used to think about it until I was married with Children.. before than it was .. yea, if I make it to the end of the month I will be good. I have been asked over the years however by others.. many times.. indeed.. where I thought I would be and or saw myself in 10 yrs?? Never ever would I have imagined where I am today or what I have been through in just the last decade.. It is ever so crazy.. Life is so random and unexpected in every sense really.. A joker, a jackass.. and an SOB at times.. but it gives us just as many good things and beautiful moments  as well.. YOU PLAYER YOU …. LIFE !

I may have guessed some , but to be dying of so many diseases and estranged from family members.. etc.. that would have never even entered my mind. To be unable to work and go from a full life to an almost non-existent one.. yeah  that was never on my agenda.. ANYWHERE !! Life.. throws curve balls.. hardcore.. she does .
Years ago I wrote a Novel.. I'm a published Poet, Short story writer, Collective works,, and a Children's Book Creator... I have done so many things .. yet here I set rotten now.. doing a blog and badly at that I might add. Would I.. could I .. do those things now.. uumm.. NO.. and I know .. no one would ever guess that about me.. Not many know.. Just a few loved ones and or ppl I used to work and collaborate with.. But what difference does it make now.. not a bit.. It's not even a Legacy … but at least I can say I LIVED AND DID SO COMPLETELY IN THIS LIFE OF MINE.
For those non-believers and haters.. lol.. Blogs I know must contain.. pic and or video evidence.. hahah.. this is for you... booty heads.



Twisted a bit... and ????

Yes, I warned you all.. I am a strange one.. and I will jump around and , go back and forth, up and down, and sideways .. at will.. so if you have a hard time following.. I will not say I am sorry... HA
I type slower than my brain goes.. so I am cray cray sometimes in my styles and etc. I am also a Teacher and mom so I AM A REPEATER ..by trade and habit.. it just is... I want to make sure most the time people understand what the hell I am saying.. well meaning.. and over the years with this sickness my grammar has diminished greatly.. and I also use slang and etc because I don't member shorthand and even if I did.. not many would know these days what the hell that even is. OMG , what has the world come to? I don't worry anymore about the future though or my kids futures.. where that is concerned because my children are all grown and ..2 out of 3 have kids of their own.. so let them worry about it... lol. I wont be around much longer and no sense arguing over it.. my youngest is 26 and she has her own language and that wont change so... shit, everyone knows what I am saying! Right?? It's horrid... Actually if I were already dead.. I would probably be shaking my head.. where ever I was.. HAHHAHHA
I have come to find that because I am not true North physically in this house.. that my inner faculties are also not true north right now either.. nothing I can do about that except try to adjust still.. damn it.. it has been 10 months and I am still not used to it etc.. House not North.. and everything. I still miss home. I still miss KY.. I still miss me and having a life. I MISS ME.. I need to let it go.. but sometimes its still overwhelming because since we have been here its been mostly bad.. so I cant forget !
Ok.. this is another story for another time.. so I am moving on now !
Happy Tuesday World. Happy Tuesday to whomever may actually be reading this. I don't expect anyone to be doing that.. just like I have stated,, this is more for me  then anyone else.. This is my release and my lost pages... but just incase.. have a blessed day.. hehhe

Monday, July 29, 2019

No Surrender

Keep your 👀 open 
Watch ur 6
Trust NOONE
Stay safe.. B careful
Listen more👂
Be Brave 
Be Strong 💪
Love & Laugh Boldly 
Show Respect for Others, Things, & Yourself !!!
Compassion ..People.. Compassion 💋

See from your Heart

When you look at this .. what do you see? I guess it's all in the eye of the beholder.
My hubby looks at this and bitches, scoffs, says shit stuff .. etc.. He has for years. I look at it.. and I see a sea...  of some of... the best moments of my life.. Funny how I can look at each dried flower and always know what occasion or whatever it was from. Maybe when I go soon.. his prospective will change. HHMM I wonder. I hope someday he will look at it .. before he throws them away.. and thinks of it as something special finally.. or that it was special to me 💖

Ggggrrrr.. Plz remember


When dealing with MS & other Auto-Immune Diseases.. it extremely like ones with Cancers etc.. We experience so many things and its very hard sometimes.. most times... just to function.. please do not yell at us when we are trying to say something.. that only makes things worse for us ! BE PATIENT
ASSHOLES !! Yes.. You KNOW who you are !😠

Been all kinds of busy

Last week or so been helping hubs in yard.. so I have not been on here as much.. just 4 quickies.. I suppose ! The yard work here is never-ending… We have been working on flooding and irrigation issues and had so so much to do.. We have to finish lining and fixing our creek bed, and more stuff in yards where trees were taken out etc, It is just non-stop really. Clearing front and back.. regular yard works, and just a lot of stuff !! Soon I will post a pic and you will kind of have a small clue of the HUGE scale of work I am referring to.. til then just take  my word on it, ..ha.

Things to remember today.. if someone says they are giving you a ride to the train station.. dp not believe them !! Run.. that's code.. for your ass is grass.. LOL
History is merely that ~ We can't change it.. but we can LEARN from it. Higher learning ppl.. do it !
Confidence is usually silent. Insecurities are usually loud ! Listen up today ppl.
May my heart be brave,, my mind fierce,, and my soul free ~ 💓
When your inner WARRIOR is trying to show you signs and speak to you.. Pay ATTENTION Idiots.
I am permanently unavailable now for people who thought I was an option !!
Life would be funnier each day if in our minds we added the middle name Motherfuckin` to eveyones name !

Friday, July 26, 2019

It's Friday Beotchs... (yep, yep)

In my past..


Yeah.. It was yesterday... LMAO  I over did.. I don't look this awesome this morning.. heheheh
I worked in house and yard yesterday.. took break a bit... then after hubs got home we worked out front for another 3 hours.. I even took a huge flying fall on my ass. THANK GOD FOR MY NEW MEDS..I  would be lost completely without that !!!
SO,,, to any whiners,... like my daughter.. get off your lazy asses and do something today. I even cooked and cleaned etc.. If I can ..while sick and do all that .. THAN YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO AS WELL !! HINT …. No.. REALLY... DO IT ~

(Lavender color sticky note to self) : When watching certain movies.. I should always put hot coffee in a non-spill cup... so when I jump I 'm not covered in friggin hot coffee.. lol 😄☕

Oh, it's just getting started.. this day.. coincidences.. I think not !! There are NO coincidences in life my friends.

Thursday, July 25, 2019

Health update

Today is a new day, ...(WOOOHOOO )....been feeling less pain last 2 days cuz the hubby stopped at Hippie store and got me some Hemp Oil, and Hemp Salve.. ( how do you spell relief..? HEMP) .. lol


So far.. it seems to be helping along with Pills and other CBD stuff. My pain has been tri-fold last couple weeks.
My weight has settled out at 168 again..  I still bounce from 161 to about 174.. depending on how much junk food and soda my hubby makes me drink and eat .. ahahah….I have only been eating cup a soups and freezer pops for like 4 days now. Between nausea and BS .. not being able to eat cuz mouth, lips, teeth, and throat. so that's that. My lips and cuts are getting better.. my flare up with swelling of mouth and face is getting better ,, yay. My inside mouth, teeth, throat.. ggrr that shit is kicking my ass.
My eye sight is bad again.. keep loosing sight one eye at a time.. but switching sides constantly.. that's new. I suppose it will all go soon... right side hating life.. ear.. sinuses.. you name it.
My infections are getting better.. Cold shit subsiding.. but these infections still are lingering and trying to take full hold.
Skin Disease running a muck.. hands.. arms.. legs.. inside hurt so bad.. my intestines really do wanna be outside my body. Hate it !!!
Nails growing back.. that's a finally a good thing. hair and skin and drop better finally.. I don't look like some crazy drug lady.. WHOOT !!~
Muscles and bones are real bad.. took crutches outta closet earlier.. I will need help walking again soon. My legs and feet are about at that point again. When I lay still for more than 2 seconds.. I cant move and am in so much pain. My back, & neck and shit is bad again.. So times I have to wait to move and just try to act like I am ok... My headaches have tripled and nothing I can do.. except play it down and truck on. Each  night I still continue to just pray maybe the gods will take me .. so I don't have to wake up and do it all over again.. Each day brings more pain.. different pain.. pain upon pain on soooooo many levels... If they only knew what it felt like,, maybe people would be nicer to me.. lol.. I DOUBT IT . LOL
I am dealing with other stuff,, but that stuffs a bit more personal.. I might share later.. but I don't think anyone is lining up quickly to hear any of it.. JUST SAYIN'

Hope

A beautiful bright red male cardinal has landed on my fence a few feet away from me. He leaves me with no words.. only hope. I cant help but think of the urban sayin.. that if a Cardinal lands near you that means an angel is there with you at that moment to give you guidance and protection.
Or how about when that eye candy butterfly flies around your head and circles you for a second.. secretly sizing you up.. before it lands on your knee or arm?... Hope, It give us hope. We see ourselves of being worthy of them .. so we feel we have a fighting chance in life.
I set and look to the clouds.. just about everyday and or evening.. images in the clouds.. When we were oh so innocent.. we would set and find helpful images in the clouds.. well, I still do that.. I search for signs.. I know at some point we all do.. Who wouldn't look for a good sign from the heavens?
Remember the day it was salt over the shoulder, or counting at certain times, or raising  your legs going over RR tracks?? all the same.. NO MATTER  the action...  Tapping your glass on the table after a shot has been taken.... am itch on your hand.. or your nose... or the big one... your ears ringing??? EEWWW.. I know we all know that one and head the warnings or words... of what we think it means.....
IT ALL = Hope....  Call it what you will .. I say.. but it all = HOPE ~!
Whoever you are and wherever you may be.. I hope your signs show the way today. Lord knows we all need guidance and hope !!!


Wednesday, July 24, 2019

Day dreaming again

Lost in thought this morning, and listening to my daughters alarm going off repeatedly.. and her still not getting up.. I find my mind driftin a bit.. I catch myself drifting to a rainy cool morning,, birds chirping.. sexiness in  the air.. and I begin to move my hand up my thigh a bit.... 
EEWWWW.. NOOOO.. my hand was not going there.. it was going to my keyboard.. get your mind outta the gutter. That is so not even last on my list.. That is not even on my list.... LOL
but however humor is.. I must incorporate some into my everyday living or I will not survive the days that ...for some reason... keep coming !!!

Wanted:  
In great and urgent need of a house Fairie today. You must be willing to do housework,..ie... laundry, sweeping, mopping, dishes, vac furniture, clean bathrooms, LOTS of dusting... vac all floors.. OH MY LIST IS LONG AND PLENTIFUL... YOU WILL NOT BE BORED... I PROMISE...

You must be willing to do yardwork.. to include.. all front and back  yard needs.. pick up poop.. clean porches, mow, fix garden.. fill birdfeeders, water bowls.. etc etc etc. LIST IS LONG ONCE AGAIN !
Wash and clean driveway,, Wash the car... clean up and put away anything that goes in garage and shed.. and make sure garage is also squared away properly and clean ! 

No need to run errands or to store today,,, I am good on that front! But taking care of house inside and out.. yards,, and dogs ! I also have separate list of duties for the furbabies.. clean ears, bathe, feed, play with, brush.. etc etc etc.. 

My list is schedule to grow and or change at the drop of a hat.. You have been forewarned..  
Any Takers???   

LMAO 

yyyuuuupppp.... It's ah Wednesday "Why Bother" Segment......



Somedays you wake up and you can just feel the suck in the air.. Well today is one of those days for me. I went to bed with a lot on my mind and of course things were unsettled and so now stuff is even worse.... GGRRR.. I have no other outlet other than this to spill the beans.. so here it    goes Y'all....

Why bother clean the back porch area when no one else keeps it clean? No one else gives a whoha.. really they don't!!!!
Why bother sweeping the floor 75 times a day and cleaning over and over  .. when it doesn't matter?
Why bother telling my daughter anything when she doesn't do it or listen?
Why bother repeating myself it doesn't matter?
Why bother to call, message, fb, text, my oldest daughter when she keeps ghosting me and treating  me like crap? I thought when she had babies.. she would make an effort.. but still I pay for what they did. and still she wont talk with me nothing !! I hope someday she remembers who gave up their own life for her.. who sacrificed for her, who raised her, who cared for her .. etc etc etc.. from the time she was in 2nd grade until she turned 22.. I hope someday she remembers and feels only a small portion of the pain she has dished out to me over the last 8 years.. I can not cry over her and love her everyday anymore.. WHY BOTHER..? I have to let her go !!
GOODBYE...…. COURTNEY DANIELLE SNELL…..
GOODBYE...…………………………..
Oh, MY...GOODNESS.. I could go on all damn day with .. THE WHY BOTHERS.. so I will just stop now..
Why Bother continuing..??? No one will probably ever read this anyways.. and if they do.. it wont matter 💔

Tuesday, July 23, 2019

Latest Memos to self

  •  When it is so hot that you see a dog and cat chasing each other and they are walking.. you might wanna stay inside badass ~
  • Shizznits it is only Tuesday.. Take your vitamins lady
  •  (Bright Pink) think it might be time to think about hiring a helper.. or wishing really friggin hard for a helper Fairy.. Make a plan.. lol
  •  Keep the Joe coming.. It looks like it might be that kind of day....  E= MC2 ...( Energy = Milk & Coffee squared )... YUP
  • I thank the gods daily I am a realist and know in my heart or hearts that imagination is the only real weapon I have sometimes to survive the day... Keep repeating thhis !!!
  • (Merlot color) Never give up ..believe and have some faith.. I might just be surprised from time to time.. MAYBE
  •  Eattin a nut mix .. does not ...a healthy breakfast make.. lol
  • My choices or others.. matters not..I still have to suffer the consequences.. (TRUTH)
  • French Vanilla, Strawberry Cheesecake, Snickers... oh, the choices of sugar in my fuel for the day... Which one? Are any good for me..? Probably not.. but I will own it .
  • Flashbacks, Timewarps, Throwbacks, Way backs.. whatever you call them.. they are not always your friend Rene.... ( Neon Lime Green) so I look at frequently !! HA

The Credence - Have you ever seen the rain

Itsah new day...



SLAY THE DAY Y'ALL.....💕

More of my Profoundness...(giggles)



Wish I was in an new AirPod Commercial... oh boy the fun.. I could just bounce carefree for days ..hehehe
Or even better when shit needs to be handled and fixed.. I can just take off and avoid shit,, I could go fishin or just leave and do stupid shit.. for a few days .. and then let it linger out forever and a day and never have to fix shit !! GGrrrr.. THAT WOULD BE THE ULTIMATE RIGHT THERE ~

Why O ...Why do I get side tracked and digress constantly? Frikkin diseases.. I curse you.. It can help or hinder me daily.. which ever way I choose to see it and utilize it .. only good part about it..

I been so friggin sick.. Battling infections and colds etc.. My dog got me in face.. so where I had been dealing with my Autoimmune flare up with shit swellin and painful crap.. then I had a messed and cut up mouth.. top lip, bottom lip.. I looked and felt like for days I had been beat up.. Yuck.
4 days now battling blindness in my eyes.. they taking turns.. pissin me off more.. Taste.. ears.. all of it.. My legs.. I am having multiple disease flare ups at once.. O.. I love you life.. I LOVE YOU.. ggrrrr!
I need to adjust crutches.. itsah coming..

Alabama hates me and my daughter apparently.. WHOLE OTHER STORY THERE.. that's to come.. My sweet flower Ashley Jade...

Friday, July 19, 2019

People forget..

...you don't have to be on the internet all the time for Google and the WORLD to know everything about you. Why you lying? Why you wasting everyone's time? hahah
I can see your age, your address, your marriage certificate, your mug shot.. Hell the world can see it all !! I can read your comments, your blogs, your divorce papers.. you name it.. Get a life already dumbasses.. LMAO


Get sick and all goes to shit,,,

~  YEP, PRETTY MUCH  ~

Been sick for a few days and man all goes to shit.. The house is mess, the animals aren't taken care of properly.. nothing is done and if it was done.. it was done all kinds of screwed up. My family must hate me.. I don't care. Shit has to be done and sometimes have to be done a certain way.. because if its not.... it just makes no sense doing it,, because it serves no purpose. The motto.. if you are gonna do it,, do it right the first time.. kinda comes to mind. GGGrrr.. LOL

I had to pour out my Watermelon ice.. damn it!

I don't know who is worse.. dogs, kids, or husband..? They all are equal assholes in my world I suppose. Sad truth. They all drive me to drink and suicidal thoughts..hahahah

The furniture keeps getting moved around and I am tired of fixing it.. gonna leave it all over the place and see how long it takes for someone to say something or fix it.. Bet it will be days. If it gets moved or mentioned at all. Sad but true .

Everyone WAS SUPPOSE TO PITCH IN WHEN WE MOVED. YEAH SO... WHERE IS THAT? I see no cleaning and shit on there parts at all. Hell our daughter whom is 26 ...cant even keep her room clean. I just had to go in there and collect dirty dishes.. WTF !! Really ? I am so tired. Just tired !!!

Where do I apply for a I Quit form ?  ( HA) 

More Sticky Notes..



(Light Grey)  Just Live ❤

(Magenta) Man, if stress burned any calories at al... I would be like a size 0 maybe a 2.. LOL

(Teal) I don't know y'all but I am pretty sure there aren't enough Middle fingers, curse words, coffee,
or liquor to get through today. I could be wrong.. but not likely.. Try to replenish my well later.. I must !

(Yellow) Sometimes you just gotta let " IT" go !!! How do I do that?

(Light Orange) Remember I must to tell my awesome peeps how much I appreciate them today and everyday.

(Light Pink) instead of a disk clean up, today I need to do a life clean up.. I just know.. that will clear up lots of space in my life. Do a back up maybe.. Adjust as necessary~

(Midnight Blue) Sometimes its jus gotta be a pizza night (yay) 🍕

(Sand Brown) Don't let others mess up ur beautiful afternoon ~ ignore the douchebaggery ! Haw haw


The Fishin' ...must go on

I guess it doesn't matter how sick I am or not. I guess it doesn't matter how I feel or what's going on.. the fishing must go on.. he always preaches priorities, yet his are always messed up.. more so than everyone else's.. It is always the boat, fishin, the motorcycle, the RV, the truck.. his buddies.. IT IS ALWAYS EVERYTHING BEFORE US.. and least I forget TN Vols sports.. Hell even his work space has a huge TN Vol flag.. not a pic of me or family but a TN Vol Flag.. For fuck sake... REALLY ? I hate always knowing I am always at the back of the list.. I always know that's the case, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.. IT HURTS LIKE HELL CONSTANTLY .
Being a Realist sucks ass sometimes.. shit who am I kidding..? It sucks all the time,,,



Golden boy Calum Scott hits the right note | Audition Week 1 | Britain's...

Sunday, July 14, 2019

Why is Love always so painful????


Lost in Translation..



Stuck in the Brainfog this morning.
Insomnia. Nightmares. Pain. Tears.
Soon the sun will rise .. thankfully
I am starting out Optimistically.. well trying anyway 😜💜😀

Mike & The Mechanics - All I Need Is A Miracle

                      

Those were the days!!!

IDK

Setting here watching Weather channel .. all the flooding, Earthquakes, Fires... etc etc etc.. No wonder I don't watch tv like I used to. I refuse to watch news unless I have to. I hate the reality of what the media, tv coverage, actors.. etc etc etc.. have turned our Country into ...It breaks my heart.
We cant just set and enjoy anymore.. its all crazy ass reality shows,  Politics.. and just straight up BS all the time. Sports events are no longer.. just college sports !!! Maybe racing!! Horse races and just a few things. Movies, Sitcoms, EVERYTHING has turned into straight up shit shows. Talk shows.. news,,  its just never ending !  GGRR and it will continue down this path and only get worse.. until we have depleted everything and destroyed all.. THE SAD TRUTH.  Hank sums my feelings up nicely.. I would say...⤵..(SMH)


It is so hard getting up every morning.. wondering, worrying, and stressing about what the day will or is going to bring.  SCARY STUFF...Pretty sure we are getting closer to the end of times.. there is no way around it.. There are no other solutions , and we (humans) have ran or are running out of time.. well done all man kind.. we are destroying ourselves... but then again.. reality of it is,, NOTHING lasts for ever,, and we should make peace.. however we think we need to. The end is coming.. ITSA COMING 

Saturday, July 13, 2019

Indeed....



Saturday Truth :


Looks like today might be one of those days.. not even 1130 yet and shit has gone way way South since early this am.. o, well
  1. Remember not to hurt people doing Public services.. I.e.. mail carriers, plumbers.. etc.. lmao
  2. Never believe the weather man, he seems to  be clueless too !! HA
  3. People will ignore the shit outta ya.. until they need you or something from you.. then they wanna be your closest comrade.. YOU FUCKERS SUCK.
  4. Daily shout out.. I LOVE YOU ☕
  5. You can't start a new Chapter in your life unless you stop re-reading the last one you wrote.. I GOTTA MOVE ON.
  6. Might think about staying inside today.. it is WAY to peopley out there.. GGRRR
  7. I just wanna take pics, Travel the world, Finish up my bucket list, Drink coffee and BE HAPPY.
  8.  Knowing when to leave the table if love is no longer being served .. is a must !
  9. Today is a wing it day .. hehehheh
  10.  Those hating on me this a.m. .. You know whom you are.. you can just BITE ME !!!

Friday, July 12, 2019

Beauty break ~


Friday whoot -whoot

Did I mention it is Friday up in this beotch ???

Proud Military Supporter am I



Ok, pussies ya  gotta stand for something.. might as well stand for our brave and courageous Troops....
Happy Friday ~ Be safe out there..💟

Gathered Sticky Notes of Days gone by


Just noticed when looking at some of my stuff... I have the serious selection & collection of sticky note reminders [colorful assortment.. I might add ]... to myself.. Figured I would combine them all and get a good laugh... 
  • Doesn't matter how humble & kind u r..If everyone else are just a bunch of a-holes n jack-asses
  • Actions  are not deceitful and misleading ... people are !
  • Overflowing fallacy... eventually becomes stagnant reality
  • Expectations & Assumptions are what cause TRUE 💔 ( Heart ache)
  • One of the main problems of today is that Society has formed us.. thing with that is.. when Society is broken ~ SO THEN ARE WE
  •  ~ Something to remember people.... DECISIONS HAVE CNSEQUENCES ~
  • Beware the Stupid is deep out there today.. lol
  • Sometimes u just have to grin and take it !
  • Assume nothing. Question everything. and update often.
  • Don't let yourself get sucked into the abyss !
  • Because sometimes pretending you are okay.. is easy than explaining to everyone why you are not !
  • Cry a little. Laugh a lot. You thankful for everything you have.
  • Sometimes one just has to wing it !
  • Decompress, chillax, but... No Surrender Y'all
  • Forget all the negatives in the equation.. and continue to search for the solution. ( live 4 2day)
  • Sometimes 24 hours in a day .. is just not enough.. adapt & overcome 
  • Most likely gonna be a day.. plan ACCORDINGLY !
  • Things are not always as they seem.. apply this to every situation .. if possible
  • People will be people.. ALWAYS have a plan B
  • Let optimism be your best asset today.. Try anyways
Last but not least.. if you call and are hung up on.. if you text in a group text with no reply.. if you text to just that individual with no reply.., and if you leave stuff on their page and in comments and still NO WORD OR REPLY.. They don't want to have anything to do with you... and you need to deal with it !!!!

Once upon a time..... ( The Story that needs to be heard)...

… There was this girl and this guy, that lived very different lives and had no idea that one day their paths would cross and intertwine.
She was a mess that had a huge wreckage behind her.. and he too, had a tattered past (but who doesn't right..) ???

One night as they were going about their own business.. the girl had decided she would go out and see some friends and try to forget about the horrible day she had had. As she finished her drink and was heading out... she heard from across the courtyard.. someone scream out her nickname... she stopped and turned to see who would be calling out to her. There at the bar getting a drink sat one of her friends.. she walked over to say hi.. very casual like... because her friend was not alone .. but had a nice looking guy leaning up against the bar having a drink next to him. See approached with a smile.. gave out a hug and began talking to her friend. He soon introduced the handsome guy next to him. They talked for a bit.. laughed.. etc etc.. and then she said her goodbyes.. she walked away feeling something different inside herself.. her smile and heartbeat couldn't be broken at that point.... as she walked away knowing they were watching her.. she heard this very loud calming voice in her head say to her.. that is the man you will marry. She thought she was loosing her mind.. or maybe just the alcohol catching up with her. She hoped however that the voice would be right.

Days past,  life went on..  you know.... (Full time) ..single Mom, College Student, Work,....LIFE.
She was setting at the table doing her preparing for the next day and catching up on her reading assignments..as the phone rang out and startled her. On the other end she heard her friends voice.. Towards the end of the conversation ..he says.. hey you remember my friend from the bar?? she said well of course I DO.. he said great.. because he wants your phone number.. is it ok if I give him that??
WOW... she freaked a bit and then said... well hell yeah give him my number.. which freaked her out more.. because she never gave out her phone number.. she didn't even hesitate however. That night she couldn't sleep. She was so excited, or anxious... or something. Suddenly though ...she just knew in her heart and soul that her life was getting ready to make a huge change but it was ok .. IT WOULD ALL BE OKAY ! Now, just to wait for his call !!

Short version of the story.. he finally called.. they would talk hours on the phone.. just so happens he was a mechanic and she needed work done on her car.. so she would have the perfect excuse to go to  the Auto Body shop and see him.. .. he was partners with her friend.. (turns out).. A plus.
One day she went to see them and had her daughter in the car with her.. she wanted to go see their friend.. and this would be the day she was introduced to the guy her mom spent time talking to on the phone.. when she could. As they got ready to leave the Shop... the little girl told the nice looking guy.. he needed to come to their house and eat dinner with them.. they all laughed and chuckled, but then  he said.. great idea and he got in his car and followed them to their place. They never looked back.

Short version.. they dated for years and were the perfect family. He had a daughter a couple years older and everything just seemed to work... She worked hard, he worked hard and was in the Army and life was good. The day came when he finally asked the girl if she would marry him.. they both knew he would be deploying soon.. so they combined 2 households into one and took that big step.

Big day came... they were married. Oh, the challenges.. but they made it through. Not long after.. he got orders for Europe and man were they all excited.. this was a dream come true. They packed up their house, shipped their stuff, and made their way to Europe... not knowing the reality of their lives would soon set in.. life was only beginning for them and big changes were on the horizon and would be knocking on their front door soon.

Times changed.. war sat in.. he was deployed to Iraq... she worked her ass off.. Teaching, Volunteering, raising two girls in a foreign Country.. and doing everything she could for him.. for her girls, and for herself. They stayed in Europe for eight years.. they traveled and girls grew up abit.. He faced Iraq and deployments multiple times but he always made it back home to them.
Then the day came they would have to say goodbye to the dream and set foot in the deep reality again of going back stateside. It was almost a nightmare.. but they did it.. They got on the plane and this time made their home in Kentucky... The Army life was always a challenge but they could master this.. so they thought.

She went back to teaching at a new High School, the girls went back to a regular school system,.. both in High School now.... and he stayed a Soldier through and through. The days past.. The girls both graduated, started College and had really good lives. He had to move to another State to work, and she got very sick and had to change everything about her life.
She was eventually told she had multiple incurable diseases and had to stop working as her health got really bad... The girls were in relationships and wanted to start their own lives.. He was gone all the time and she was sick and alone.. but they still made it work.. don't know how but they did. He retired from Army service after almost 24years, but still had the same job … she was trapped in a life she hated and her girls were grown now and wanting to move off , because now they hated her...lol

Their oldest got married and didn't even tell them.. and they were living in the same house.. one day not long after that...the son in law.. was talking with her and apologized for everything and said.. I think we need a family day.. let me take these movies back and run some errands and I will be back and when everyone gets home we can do a nice family dinner together and do a movie night.. She was so happy.. She was so excited.. She waited a bit.. and then decided to make the huge meal they had discussed and decided on. She was starting to get worried.. He had been gone for hours and she was also getting very confused too.. what was going on , what was happening??

The son in law and daughter finally pulled up in the driveway .. different cars but at the same time. The son in law had went and did other things and meet up the daughter and they had made plans... it was so pretty that they were going to go swimming. They ran in the house.. all kinds of crazy happy and there mom stood in the kitchen in tears, sick and sweating after cooking a huge meal etc.. as they headed off to go get ready to leave.. the mom asked her daughter to come to the door so they could talk.. mom very upset and sad ...said.. I made this huge meal.. I thought we were all going to eat together and do a movie night... ?? Mom went on to say.. why hadn't someone called her or let her know... they had made other plans or something..??? Why hadn't someone texted her or taken just a second to fill her in??? Mom very disappointed and sad.. said yall go swim etc,, everyone can eat later.. Please next time someone  just text me..

 Mom walking away ...heard a huge commotion leading down to where the kids were.. the son in law was throwing a fit about he didn't need to tell her anything.. The mom said .. she was talking to her daughter ..not  to him.. and that was all the excuse he needed to fight with her.. so the kids could move out. They knew they would soon be relocated.. because he was in Army.. and his duty station had changed. It got bad.. the daughter and son in law packed up and drove away. He moved to new duty station and the daughter would be following behind later. Life had now spun out of complete control. The son in law.. told the mom over the phone.. they didn't owe her shit.. they hated her, would never see her again and she was dead to them.  Mom realized she had not gained a son, but indeed lost her daughter !!
She never imagined in a million years this would happen.. she never saw this in the cards.. when she and that handsome guy had met all those many years earlier!!

Short version: Older daughter moved away and they never spoke.. youngest daughter got married (2x) and life crazy life happened.. that was bad for them all. Years went by and the mom was alone and very sick, Dad still worked in a different State plus traveled constantly for his job ..
about 8 years having passed.. the mom never bothered the kids.. but instead tried to connect and love her children.. still nothing happened. The mom lived a very sad life indeed. Loosing ones kids is a horrible way to live.

Mom finally being so sick made the decision with the dad.. they would move and she would give up her life for everyone else... once again and move to the state where he was working. They got word the oldest daughter was pregnant and would be having twins.  Relationships were so strained... But yet everyone seemed to come out untouched but mom.. she paid the price for everyone and everything that had happened over all the years.  She had lost her children.. she would be the one to never be able to see her grandbabies.. and  she just clung to whatever she could to get through each day..

Dad still worked  the same job.. youngest  daughter lived with them but did her own life.. she was in and out of trouble constant.. Oldest daughter had her baby boys.. and all was good in their world .. but mom was still the forgotten one of the whole family. She got sicker everyday.. never had the family she wanted so badly.. She lost everything and everyone .. and went on to live one day at a time until all her diseases and etc finally would  come to take her.

The life this young girl and young man had ...had been a very full life..Goes to prove to all... that one just never knows how life will go.. what paths they will take, and what can happen when you meet the one you are suppose to marry. There is a reason for everything. There is a time for everything !

The once young girl.. just wanted love and to be loved. The young girl .. now being old and very sick.. just wanted all to know... that through it all.. she loved them all.. she never gave up hope.. and she hoped she had loved them all enough through their lives !!

True Moral of the story:
Reality is knowing that not everyone gets their fairytale ending & it just is 😏



Thursday, July 11, 2019

Just one of those days...


Get facts.. Get Support .. useful links

https://www.abovems.com/en_us/home/ms101/about-ms.html?cid=PPC-MICROSOFT-Above+MS_DTC_Unbranded_Health+Concern_Phrase%7ES%7EPH%7EUB%7ENER%7EDTC%7ECON-ms+facts-NA-p31451814987&msclkid=49f774ee19c31841fc6529c92092c144&gclid=CJuH8pj8rOMCFQXeDQodKx8FzQ&gclsrc=ds


https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/10-steps-for-coping-with-a-chronic-condition

http://goodhealtbox.info/autoimmune-diseases-list-causes-symptoms-types-treatment/?utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=200&utm_term=autoimmune%20disorders&utm_content=Autoimmune%20Diseases%20List

Coping w/ Auto-Immune Diseases



Coping with disease is different for everyone. Everyone has their own reaction, plan of attack, and methods of madness. One thing about the "unseen" diseases though... is the way we see ourselves and the way others see us.. makes a huge difference. You don't know.. unless you suffer from them .. one or more issues... matters not. The effect is there and no one sees it !!!
They hear us talk, they see us struggle, and they get tired of hearing us whine.. only if they knew.
I personally have many issues I deal with. When I acquired that one.. MS.. it opened the flood gates and now I deal with many.. It is an extreme challenge to get through the day.. and no one around me understands that in the least. I know I am not the lone ranger is this situation.. many people face this problem.. because most people do not know how to deal with things they cant see.. We are just human like that I suppose.
Prayers for the countless today ..like myself.. that are just trying to make it through today ~

Bad English - Heaven Is A 4 Letter Word



Throwback Thursday song.... ❤

Donnerstag already..

Seems like just yesterday was the beginning of July and a Monday.. time just flies when you are having fun in this life I suppose. I think yesterday I tried to kill myself outside doing yard work etc. Didn't need to do all that.. but then again I did.. my responsibilities , my duties, etc and since I am not working outside the home.. the yard, chores, house, animals, etc are my duties to maintain etc.. life is rough. I guess if I am gonna go out I might as well have used my time wisely right?
Got word yesterday Courts babies might be coming.. which means I don't have much time left here in this life.. Thank the great ones. MY TIME SHOULD BE UP ALREADY !!!
Bout crippled today, can barely walk, see, etc but I am kicking hard with no surrender in sight.
I had to take so many pain meds and stuff last night.. I thought sure enough I would sleep .. but insomnia is still my best friend and pain unending.. I hate the nights. I just want to scream and end it.. I do. Maybe we will get rain soon and that might help a bit.. my body hurts less when raining too.. My body is a damn barometer device... it sux.. lol



Wednesday, July 10, 2019

Distraction

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Thought this was pretty to look at.. I am trying to handle making it to a mid afternoon break, but shit just keeps coming and coming harder..
Mercury Retrograde.. curse you ~😜

~ LMAO~



My youngest Baby... (26)



No Filters.. just straight up hot messes !!

It's been awhile..


I really need a coffee. Actually I need multiple coffees to get me through this morning I face. I have been MIA with good reason y'all.. Sorry I missed Independence day .. Hope yours rocked and was a safe one indeed...………..
Where to begin?
Being sick is hard enough , but man I haven't been  cut a brake anywhere... not even a tiny..itty bitty..one. 
The family issues are extreme... the weather has been nuts.. etc etc etc.
Find myself knowing and feeling my end is soon and is very near. I am so excited.. that would be the bestest ever. I am  so ready to go, with no regrets.. and no worries. All my t's are crossed and I's dotted and I am squared away. I will just set and wait.. I wait for everything else right?
That is the way shit works...

Health update (needed)
Yesterday the first day in awhile I didn't and couldn't get outta bed all day. Go to bathroom and must do's for dogs etc was the extent. My tonsils, throat, mouth, eyes.. etc all so bad and that not being able to move ..certainly made shit extra hard. Stuff has gotten so bad.. my pain pot CBD and hands full of meds.. aren't even working anymore. Can barely eat.. My weight has been bouncing from 160 to 173 only because my hubby makes me drink soda and eat junk foods to keep on any weight at all.
Ears and eyes bad.. left side been horrible. I know my right side brain is struggling. I have been trying not to show any how serious it is right now.. I think my hubby knows though.. when he has to help me take a shower,, and small everyday things that most take for granted.. he knows !
Worse for me is the eye sight and upper body stuff. Muscles crapping all over and stuff hurts but doesn't make me so frustrated and sad as it used to. If I can get up and try to keep going I can usually make it through the day.. with a lot of hard work and struggles.. but if I cant get past the first step I am screwed mostly. My finger nails are growing back finally.. My infections are running rapid however. Shaking and twitching and speech problems attack hardcore at night because I work so hard all day long to get through them etc.
All my broken toes etc are getting better .. but I as brittle as all get out. I get touched and I hurt and struggle.. That's my whole body though. My organs are fighting HARD.
All my Autoimmune diseases are flaring up at one time.. Skin diseases, Infections (inner & outter body)…. Lupas rare shit is kicking my ass a bit. Walking to mailbox even kicking my ass.
My taste finally came back, but it comes goes.. that's frustrating because then that effects my eating and cooking. Depression and anxiety thru the roof.. I AM A WALKING NIGHTMARE MESS REALLY !!!
I got through April, May, June, and July stuff so far... Holidays etc.. but it took everything I had.. worried if I will make it to Sept.. for my Bday however.. IT'S NOT A MUST !!
Newest pic of me... 
~(Courtesy of Snap).. I was a bit blue.. so I decided to play with color filters... I thought purple looked pretty cool for the day ~