October is here...

A year

Today marks officially the worst year of my life. One year ago this a.m. I was packing up a U-haul and saying good bye to my home etc.. I officially stopped driving my car and gave up everything. I would like to say the year has gone by so quickly and amazing things have happened.. but it HAS BEEN THE WORST YEAR OF MY ENTIRE LIFE !!! Lost my Bo Dean and I know if we hadn't of moved ,., he would still be alive !! My house has been in constant shambles.. My daughters life got worse.. til this day.. It is constant struggle and challenge with my health and EVRYTHING.. all so my husband could have things his way !! I cry everyday. for what I have lost, what has been happening , and what is still to come. I am pretty sure I died a year ago this day !

Yeah Whatever

Halloween party planning.. ggrr.. which leads to hurt feelings.. Social media stuff... which leads to my hurt feelings.. I dont understand why no one will even give me credit for shit.. or they act as if they dont want people to know they are my friend,, etc.. THAT SHIT GETTING REALLY OLD ..REALLY FAST.
An bitches be having their man stand up for them and try to talk down to me on FB.. what the fuck. Why are people intimidated by me...? I just want friends.. I just wanna be nice and be me.. and I get the shit at every angle.. I am sorry  you didn't come up with the idea first.. I am sorry I was faster on the draw .. but I am just being me.. not trying to fucking be better than anyone else.. so why do I get the shit back.. wrong way thrown in my face constant. SCREW THAT. SCREW THESE PEOPLE.. I GUESS THERE IS A REASON WHY IT HAS FOLDED OUT LIKE IT HAS.. MAYBE THESE FUCKERS ARENT SUPPOSE TO BE MY FRIENDS.. I AM DONE INDEED ~
At this point really dont care about costume party or Halloween shit or anything.. my hubby wont even talk about stuff.. so they win !! I got stuff even for a party that... I probably wont even be around for.. and making all these plans dreaming I suppose.. trying to connect and trying to have fun.. and shit just getting twisted. FUCK IT ALL !!!!
 SO much for the costume ideas.. Threw my list away.. so much for shopping list and getting stuff together.. They want a party they can do without me.. I am not going to bend over backwards for any of it.. they can invite people.. they can do it all.. I DONT CARE AS OF RIGHT NOW !Q!!!
I am tired of being upset and sad.. now I am pissed and full of angst.. about it all !! Ggrggrrr

Needing to let all go.. or I will have another TIA.. just now getting over the one I had a few days ago.. Yes I had a mini stroke the other day and I am having a very hard time,,, could be why I am over emotional and shit too.. fuckers.. LOL

I have seen my Immortal connected soul mate many times in the last few days.. Maybe he is here to help guide me away. I sure hope so.. PLEASE take me with you.. PLEASE..

Here COFFEE.......

Yeppers.. It be National Coffee Day.. Enjoy that Joe Y'all.... 💟☕

hhhmmmmm...

Just things I am thinking about. Wondering how many couples that have been married many years .. that have and use separate bank cards and separate accts? Crazy.. I just saw last week that friends of ours do that.. so crazy right? My hubby and I never did that after we got married.. Well I lied.. for years in Ky. I had a local bank acct and saving acct with our daughter.. It was just used to cash local checks, get member services.. such as free notary and other services.. and just incase for a rainy day small fund.He never used it but was on it.. lol.
Wondering why now after all these years others are wanting to finally do gardens and these house and yard things,, when now I cant handle doing those things.. and I wanted them years ago,,,..Don't want or need them now.. just more trouble, stress, and things for me to maintain etc.. on my own. NO THANK YOU .. just saying ,, thanx but no thanx !
The big one for the last few days is this.. CHAPPED MY ASS A BIT.
Daughter starts taking NA classes... because she had... to do certain things.. so she wont go to jail AND GET HARD TIME LOCKED UP FOR HER FELONIES.... and etc etc etc !! Now I am all about self help and doing what she has to do .. which is a lot.. but seriously don't give me the speech about how you are so NA and all about the NA program.. to me that is like.. if she had a pimple.. and all the sudden decided she was going to have Acne treatment done.. and told people and played a part... like all the sudden... she has a severe acne problem ! Give me a break and get real kiddo. Using a few times and doing stupid shit,., getting caught. and now having to take programs.. is not the same as A PERSON WITH A SEVERE DRUG PROBLEM.. WHICH HITS ROCK BOTTOM AND PUTS THEIRSELF IN A NA TREATMENT PROGRAM !! That's what I did.. so don't wanna hear your garbage.. which by the way ..we all know .. especially you.. that once you meet your requirements and get cleared... you will be back smoking pot and doing drugs again.. You are still drinking.. so I am still wishing you luck.. because before your programs started you were taking Xanax , smoking shit, and getting by with whatever you could so.. I know you still doing that. SO glad you haven't gotten busted yet by Bail Bonds and others for that crap.. by the way... but don't lay that other BS on me.. ok? ok... moving on ! Crazy shit.. phones ringing off the wall.. cell phone blowing up.. Peace OUT

Hiya My peOPles

Gonna start drinking the wine again.. My daughter has gotten me hooked on yummy Stella Rosa.. They now have new flavors.. so my hubby has been told to start purchasing in bulk.. the wine will help me with pain and help me sleep again..if my body can takeit now. I willstart drinkming abit during the week.. Yeah.. Im a lush...YAY🍷No make up .. no filter Humpday!!!

Pic catch~up & Randoms

Been making my own Book Marks.. lmao.. Keeping busy folks.. keeping busy.. KEY
I am confusing stuff y'all.. just ignore me.. lol Its crazy.. now I am confusing dates, times, and even years.. coo cooo..
Right hand is bad. White unknown stuff still coming out of my mouth now.. So confused.
I am getting extremely forgetful.. ouch.. ggrrr
If I am taking medicines, feeding animals, leaving stuff going and on.. I am scared to use candles and stove.. Scared to smoke.. so I am staying very alert and doing multiple checks on everything.
My anxiety and these brain things are tripling now. JUST IN L:AST FEW DAYS.. wow.. scary stuff. So much is going on with tremors and new things everyday and especially at night ,.. I almost cant stay on top of it.. ggrrrr.. BLEH
Horrible stinging, itching, cramps.. etc.. both sides being attacked now.Infection overload.. it's killing me y'all.. HATE IT

Simple thing for today was.. watching the chipmunks playing in my backyard this morning. Made me smile and relax.. KEEP IT SIMPLE Y'ALL..

White stuff now coming out of mouth.. It is thick.. omg.. IDK .. I gotta figure it out.. It is gonna drive me nuts if I don't get some word on what it might be.. now coming out of ears, nose, and mouth.. when stuff starts coming out eyes.. I give.. I CALL UNCLE. !!

Tubshrooms.. awesome sauce !! We got 3 and love them all.. I normally do  not talk about products like this I buy and use.. but these.. they are fabtastic !! LOVE EM.. They work.. we even gave dogs a bath ~ YAY..🐕🌸🐕

The weekend is past us

Was a crazy weekend Y'all.. One really cool thing that happened was... There was a Motorcycle ride that took place on the main ride behind our house.. Not sure the ride purpose.. but no matter.. it was amazing. Seeing and hearing that was better than a Saturday morning Parade as a child.. I tell ya.
Love Button for sure ~ Braught back some great memories.. moments, and feelings. I miss riding.. (sad face) !!!!
I realized ...and tried to take a pic... of the white stuff that has been coming out of my ears, nose, and yes.. the other morning it started coming out my mouth. WTF? I tried to take pic.. but dog ran up on me and made me drop cell and what I had collected for the pic which was in my hand.. gggrrrr. But I saw it.. and damn.. IDK
The over all anals that chapped my ass this weekend were.. Leaving stuff empty on shelves and in fridge. If you are gonna eat and or drink something.. don't drink it all and leave small drop left. !! That pisses me off !! Y'all know that.. DAMN.. why you keep doing it??? hahahahah
That's is when ya just wanna ring some necks. LOL
My Head has been bad.. I  dealt with a lot of Health stuff this weekend. ITS BAD NOW.. Don't know how long I can take it.. moments like these make me re-think the No Surrender / Survivor mentality code I live by. I tried really hard to stay busy and be the Multitasking Queen.. (in my head.. hearing the ABBA Dancing Queen song .. and making my own lyrics)! The weekend was up and down and now is in the past. If ya screwed up this weekend.. never fear today is a new day to screw up again🌺

New Day... New methods of coping and signs

 People suck Sometimes !! Sometimes people suck all the time !! Depends on the people.. Something to keep in thought today.
That time of the year to do the Fall Bucket List again... lol
* Go on Hayride or carriage ride
* Bonfire with smores and adult beverages..lol
* Visit corn maze.. or some place cool.. Pumpkin Patch, and or just a cool place..
* Halloween and Month of great classics.. scary stuff.. warm and cozy stuff, etc..
* Bake your ass off.. do new stuff each time
* Go out double dating with friends and do meals, shops, sights.. etc and soak it all in
*Go Festivaling.. every chance you get
LIVE EACH DAY ACCORDINGLY ~

Giggles... ☕

Recipe for iced coffee Y'all..  Have Kids, Make coffee, Forget you made the coffee.. drink it cold ! and there ya have it 

Felt I needed to share this too Y'all.. so many of us.. have the open gate way to so many health issues.. make sure you know what ya have and track them all.. Adrenal Stress is important to recognize the signs.. If you have your feet hurtin badly in certain places.. save a chart and follow it.. the feet tell us what organ is hurting and how we can manage it a bit..

Adrenal Stress

Fatigue

low blood pressure

Headaches

Restless legs , especially at night

Tired but you are wired.. ( important one to catch)

Anxiety

Light and over sensitivities

Hairloss

Brainfog

Insomnia

Belly Fat

Chronic Pain

Craving Salt and salty foods

Lightheadedness

Low and or no sex drive

Infection vulnerability Can't handle stress 

These are just a few I deal with amongst all my Health issues and MULTIPLE AUTO-IMMUNE DISEASES.. 

Always share signs and tips with others y'all.. Even if something doesn't work for you.. it could for someone else... 

Fall has indeed Fallen.....

Time of the Year to Reap what you sew !!!

Blessings &  Light to all 💛

Game Day Beotches...

Some of this & some of that

Well of course.. It's Saturday and I could be doing other cool things, but everyone is toooooo busy for me and I am stuck dealing with issues .. alone.. in this house. Make shit worse and harder for me to deal and cope.. etc.
Eyes and face itching so bad ,, I don't know what to do anymore.. except put washrag on my face and chant . It is not my eyes.. it is my eye socket and lashes and all the skin around my eyes.. It is almost unbearable right now. It has gotten to the point... I just literally want to gauge my eyes out.
The (things on my head) are getting so so so bad. Bout month ago not wax but a very irregular white something or other was coming out of my ears and such pain.. it just stopped and as of yesterday I now have that white whatever coming out of my nose. I am not scared .. just wanting to find out what it is.. I finally remembered yesterday to take a quick pic for reference.. I don't know ~

Hallucinations and understanding are getting worse. Memory loss etc.. scary !!!

Vision problems have doubled in just the last 3 days or so. Forgetting.. confusing. basic skills..

Been a long week.. Randums.....

Just curious folks... I see so many ppl already posting Christmas stuff.. really ? That's worse than all the stores already filling up their shelves. It's not even Fall yet or end of September … Just curious why?? Are you that excited? IDK.. Maybe I am just a wanker..Could be !!!
Coffee, cleaning, trying to go slow... What does today hold? Cool outside.. nice breeze... Yup, Fall is ALMOST here.. Ready for new adventures I know I wont be able to take… gggrrrr..
 I don't see how people whom AREN'T in my situation.. can even talk about it.. STFUA .. U  have no clue.. fuckers !
My goal today.. I just figured it out.. YES !! It is to be just the right amount of crazy to make everyone else doubt their sanity ~  PERFECT !
Long may my craziness and trickery live...😁
I hear my bed.. it is saying.. Baby come back.. I'm just so lost without you ! Ha
I need rest .. so for now.. Stay strong my peeps .. Enjoy your day..

I saw the light..of Friday mornin.. that is ~

As the day starts out (in full mode now).. the coffee flows, the music cranks, and I am trying to find my today bearings. Last night very hard night, but I slept actually this morning and I got in total more than 2 hours sleep.. lol. SO that is a plus !.. Quiet outside.. wonder if the critters all had a rough night.. ahhaha.

Season change is upon our front walk now. The dogs have all but changed their habits even.. so I knew it was official when I got up early and they had changed spots. Luke was outside in the cool morning air with me and Pooter was wrapped up in bed like a Blanco burrito. HAHHAHA

Yep.. Luke likes cool and pooter likes warmth. So it has been the reverse way so some time now. They have it all figured out. I maybe will just follow the dogs lead on shit today. LMAO

Tip for today: Friday battles.. pick them wisely and no more than you can chew my friends. We don't wanna get over loaded with battles today.. that would not be wise .. AT ALL !

Pick wisely y'all.. PICK WISELY 

Many random yesterday and this a.m. unsure where to even start.. Maybe I should have gone fishing with my hubby. Yes.. It is a Friday and they are going fishing.. Only work a drop then all gather their boats and gear and head out. Nothing like.. being told by your boss.. bring your boat to work today.. GREAT for them I suppose. GGGrrrr. for me. I am just jelly.. I want to be fishing and spending time with people too. 

On the BRIGHTER side.....

~ No Surrender ~💖

It just IS

Yesterday was a double date night with the Roger Friends.. Had a blast. Needed that we did .. and I say we because we all 4 had a blast, laughed, talked, smiled, ate. etc etc etc.. Good Food, Good Place, and great Friends,, Can't go wrong there.

Next adventure already in the works.. thinking maybe Seafood and maybe Auburn area. YAY 

Inside these walls the story line still goes up and down like a yo-yo.. but I still just am trucking on and trying to make it through.

Lost 3 more lbs.. still  not sleeping... Itching horrible now.. on Right side too.. Legs, arms, face etc. it is horrible and complete torture .  Tremors spreading lasting longer etc. Pain very BAD. Lips peeling and swelling again. battling the other diseases hard core. Teeth even hurt.. Face.. mouth , throat.. all bad.. spots getting worse.. breathing .. doing stuff and certain times get worse. Chest and whole middle body hurts so bad.. pretty sure it is not going away this time.

Eyes are so bad now.. The only thing I can describe some of it is as like being in that headache commercial.. were they do virtual reality googles and mom gets to see what daughter sees when her head gets bad.. once you have seen that.. now multiply by at least3. Getting hard to see, focus, and sometimes know what is even real or there or  not. Making sense is getting worse. By now I know my hubby and daughter are having to take notice... some times I am outta my mind..

Ears..nose.. well fuck.. EVERYWHERE.. is getting worse.  Handwriting, movement, Blisters on face and hands and marks coming up all over my body.. YUCk ! My meds and  coping skills I have upped by 3 .. barley doing anything. Don't say... you got no warning y'all.. because that's  all I have been doing and everyone blows me off and or ignores me and down plays everything so.. WWWaaahhh

Infections running a muck.. Organs wanting to stop and I am just hanging tough I am.

Another day...💟

My oh My.. It's a Thursday Y'all

Tips today for helping ya stay positive through this day..  I am trying some.. We shall see.
Keep in my what you are looking forward to. Simple Pleasures. Happy Memories.. not bad ones. Try to clean out that luggage today a bit. Think about what you love today.. i.e.., Family, friends, animals, co workers. ya get the point there right? Go breathe outside today for a bit. Think about the greatness you have .. The list goes on.. but this is what I am picking just for today.
#1 When you should be & need to be doing at least 20 things and your body says.. uummm.. NO ..nope, and screw that... Listen to your body. It will work out.

The scoop ( Health wise) anyway

So much in the last couple days has gone down hill fast. I am starting to see it is getting closer to my number being called. I am loosing my damn mind and getting trapped in there.. so bad indeed.. it has caused my insomnia to keep getting worse. I didn't think that was possible , but I have been proven wrong again. I admit my wrongs y'all.

My nails are dying off and having issues again. Spots are spreading now on my face and looking like nasty sores almost appearing after a few days. Weight losing fast. Pain everywhere.. so I cant do anything bearably anyways.. still. GGRRR. Oils and meds.. CBD's aren't even working and I am at the throw in the towel point really. That's ok. My life has ben full and very complete .. so all is good in the hood with that.

My insides all want to come out. Infections still increasing,, nothing helping now. Just biding my time now really. Fatigue, confusion, memory loss, skills, tastes, smell etc all but gone.

My head has gotten so bad. Going to the bathroom on myself and or almost .. yet I can tell no one because they don't listen or care,,, They all are ready for me to be gone.. like as of yesterday. No worries y'all.. that day is approaching faster than you know.. 

Stress, Anxiety, Depression..   Sad that no one even bothers to help me.. its ok.. no worries y'all.. Just like I have said.. that karma and regret will soon bite you in the ass I imagine.. it has a way of doing that. After all, that's its job !

Swelling is finally subsiding a bit.. but pain and weakness and other stuff ramping up now even more because swelling  going down. I live covered in salves, ointments, etc etc etc. Not great, but it is what it is. Touching me hurts. Sounds, smells everything hurts and is getting worse. Me even crying effects me.  Eating and drinking almost at null now.. just basic shit to get through the day.

Anger, frustration, you name it.. I am dealing with it alone. which makes it all WORSE. Yeah.. its my curse I guess... catch 22's always and forever my world.

Toes and probs now in my whole feet .. not just numbness in one small spot ,.. or tiny issue like it was. When nothing will satisfy me.. cant read.. but in spurts, cant do music.. only in spurts.. tv etc.. outside.. all things in smaller and smaller spurts now. Need to rest but don't even want to be in bed.. FUCK. I am a damn mess.
Weigh today 168.. sick.. all the infections of every kind are getting out of control.. Trying hard to control stuff today.. so I need to get back in bed now. This has taken me so long to type.. can barely see.. cant spell..grammar horrible.. the list is long y'all.  Want to take a shower this a.m. but havent yet. basic shit kicking my ass.. ya  know.. like breathing etc.. I am looking and acting like a very drugged out person right now,, and I know.. its fixin to get worse. I CAN FEEL IT !

Nothing like a Monday Y'all 💚

Distraction of the beauty kind...

Facts

Doesn't care what I am feeling or doing at any moment pretty much
You made choices and now you are suffering all the consequences, and I cant and wont help you anymore PERIOD. and bringing me shit to try to make me forget how you just hurt me.. DOESNT FIX SHIT.. NOT NOW.. NOT EVEN CLOSE.. NOR EVER !
I will die before ever getting to meet and see my Granbabies
Wanting to get new family bracelet with names or stones.. but WHY? aint gonna matter.. so new outlook..not gonna happen
Start taking care of your own shit. I cant do it anymore.. fuck sake you are almost 27
If someone loves you and wants to communicate with you.. THEY WILL !!!!
You choose to lie, hurt me, step away and close me out.. Take some responsibility for once
You wanted to reconnect or connect with me.. only to fuck with my head, use my shit, and make my life worse. Thanks
Waiting for an apology which I will die before it comes. .I know.. multiple people. yep
There has to be a two way street for communication and love . Cant and will not ever work if one sided and no reciprocation involved !
I never make it about me,, it has always been everyone else.. NOW IT WILL BE ABOUT ME. I can not live in unnecessary guilt, hurt and bs anymore especially for shit I didn't do,, or wasn't my fault etc. I have said my apologies and tried over and over with nothing from your end.. so it is only fair that finally after all these years I MAKE SOMETHING FINALLY ABOUT ME. and not you, you, or even you guys !
You choose  no compromise.. no give and take.. now you will regret that and get your 3 fold karma dessert. Just a fact, not me being yucky
Just because you finally choose to involve us.. with no concern about what you did etc.. and we didn't jump to yours and yours every whim.. I will not be at fault again especially for being sick and looking out for myself,, when you have gone 7 years without talking and all the BS. I exit outta a group text message.. your feelings get hurt.. sorry for that.. but I couldn't do it physically . mentally etc.. and I got blasted.. don't see how those things even compare.. but everything came down as my fault again. I understand your feelings somehow got hurt.. cuz you finally wanted too share with us.. but this was after you felt you had no choice.. sept you started your stuff.. didn't share with us until March.. then I get blamed for stupid shit.. you just knew you couldn't lie anymore and hide stuff as usual.. I don't now expect anything less from any of you. 
I didn't know what you were going through with your process.. but you never knew nor CARED ABOUT MY STRUGGLES WITH JUST GETTING TRHOUGH EACH DAY. No calls. no texts..nothing but you sure could make time and communicate with EVERYONE else.. and made sure I saw it.. You choose the path. You choose to lie and be deceitful.. why do I have to keep giving , trying, and bending for you.. I did 20 some odds years almost for you.. now I am going to do for me !!
Strokes, Hospital stays .. sick everyday beyond your comprehension..  yet never ..not even now.. just a text that says I love you Mom.. Have a good day.. or fuck anything.
Bending over for everyone stops now.
YOU ALL KNOW THE TRUTH.. AS DO I.. so if you choose to stay in denial that is on you.. I made my peace and now can step away  for me.. if I have to.
Drinking buggies and stuff ..lol.. in your luke warm coffee in the a.m... hummm.. yeah that will boost my nutrition for the day !!
Expensive WX sun glasses. I don't need and will barely ever use.. especially since you take me no where.. Didn't want.. didn't ask for.. etc.. but I will get shit treatment unless now I use them.. one more way I get made to be the bad guy.. all the unneeded BS has got to go.
You make no effort.. I will neither from this day forward!
So many facts to share and as they have been brewing in my head now for hours.. I had to say them. So many more.. but I should probably stop.. I am already sick and if I want to make it through this day.. I need to stop now for ME !!!

* Footnote to these facts.. THEY ARE NOT ABOT JUST ONE PERSON, BUT MANY.. FAMILY , FRIENDS, AND SO CALLED LOVED ONES.

* MORE TO COME LATER.. but probably nothing new to report except how you are all still blaming me and continuing your chosen path of what ever ya wanna call it. I admit my wrongs. I admit my short coming.. I am real.. and I say my I AM SORRYs.. Sad that you cant do that. I hope someday that will change and you will become a BETTER PERSON FOR YOU AND OTHERS..

Thoughts with Coffee

Excited about "New" Movies coming out this week and also regular TV shows.. so ready.. Fall programming looks promising.
You made choices and now I am stuck and helpless.. and you do nothing but hurt me repeatedly and fall back into your shit patterns. WHY? I can not for the life of me to get this song to stop playing.. I am stuck on this ride through torture town. DAMN
My Control method for today: broken down to 2 categories.. What is in my control and what is OUT OF my control..
 In MY CONTROL: What I say. What I do. My Opinions. My self care. My Thoughts. My every action. What I eat , drink, smoke, take,.. etc. My boundaries!! ( Dozy there). What I listen to. What I read. What I post on line.. LOL. Who I hang with or don't. What I wear. There are more.. but I want my battle list to be short today. Pick your battles wisely folks. ALWAYS ! Never bite off more than you can chew in that sense.
Out of MY CONTROL Bubble: What others say and think. Their opinions. Others actions. People doing stuff around me or not doing stuff.. That's a biggy. Time. Aging and what happens I don't like. What others believe . What others post anywhere and everywhere online !! ( huge).
Other peoples feeling , thoughts, and expressions. Other Peoples time. The Weather out there.
Found this to be a good starting place. And here I go !! 💙

Random out loud~ So if you look like a serial killer and I cant pronounce your shit.. you will not be on my friends or peeps on anything !!

Make me coffee Y'all. I need more. HAHAHHA.

True story ~ WHatsah coming ..is a coming. we will deal with it when it gets here !

FB WTF.. you say 3 friend requests waiting for me.. I click and there is like 25.. HAHAHA,,. Get your shit straight FB,, 4 REAL already 

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot..

Remembering Ric Ocasek this a.m. .. playing cars hits from 80's.. so sad.. the other day I was listening to Eddie Money songs most the day. Sad they are gone.. Music Legends indeed . WE are all going to get old and all will die. No one ever makes it out alive. LOL
Last few days just unreal. where does one even begin with all the angst and emotion, hurt, sickness.. So many tears. alone pain and just insides and outsides hurt. Seriously thought 2 times this weekend I was going to die. Wishful thinking I suppose.
My mind is bouncing.. so try to stay with me .. if ya can..

So.. last night made the graphic for a new daily game.. it was 5 things from your past you liked and or disliked using the first letter of your last name.. I thought it would be funny and challenging and little did I know I would be haunted all night by things in my life .. starting with H.. omg,.. it was HELL. Lol.. see there it still is.. letter "H".. hahahah

Started out with simple stuff.. them they just wouldn't stop coming.

Hush Puppy shoes

Hula Hoop

Hang overs

Homework

Hairstyles

High School

Hill Billy Golf

Horses

Huey Lewis Music

High Heels

Hospital stays

Halloween Activities.. Especially Haunted Houses

Hammock from Honduras

HONESTY

……….it still is all just coming at me like 200 mph. Make it stop baby Jesus. PLZ...✌

And trucking on ..I now go to the next..

Yes ! The Pretenders are playing now.. Good Tunes this a.m... what  great mix to keep my mind occupied .. for a bit anyways.

Gonna buy stuff.. make lists.. discuss what we need.. and are going to buy the shit.. and then for last few days he has come with and or ordered everything but what we decided we wanted an needed. Even sent him text reminders.. while he was out shopping.. still no dice.. came home with dog toys etc.. instead. Hurts my head .. it does.. why? Still need to get hair catchers for drain so we can give dogs bath in tub and not kill our septic tank. Need cooking Pan.. new cuttingboards.. stuff that we could use every day.. and still no dice. It could be me.. IDK

he also has turned into Jade officially with the bringing me stuff home and or stuff for me.. yet he takes it.. drinks it or eats it.. and never says a word. No I didn't want any of that Mt. Dew .. for the 2nd time.. or want or need any supplies I asked for 20 times.. hahha

It has to be me !!

Another day in September now.. getting closer to Anniversariess I am having a very hard time dealing with. Memory reminders on every social media site too are not helping me.

I still feel same way. I am just along for the ride. My life has already stopped etc and so on !

I need to stop apologizing for being right, having feelings, and being me !

Tired of being everyone's damn it doll and patsy . Being blamed for shit.. so ppl don't have to admit shit,, it is getting sickening !!

Love All. Trust a small few. Do wrong to none. Ok, that sounds great in thery .. but it gets old when you get  no charge.. and you have given til u just cant. Just saying.

Try to focus on WHAT YOU CAN control today.. not all the BS you cant. That is what my task for the day is going to be. So I can make it through this day really.

As I am working off 2 hours of sleep in like 4 days. I find myself running mostly on caffeine and sarcasm. 

Lonely Saturday

Reverse Psychology only works when and if.. it is applied correctly ! Jus Sayin'...💕
More giggles were needed y'all.. sorry. HAHAHHA
It was just one of those Randoms of mine that came to me a bit ago as I struggled to take a shower.. yeah.. IDK

Last nights  advice... heheheheh

The latest

I am so outta sorts now.. hours have gone by now. It is going on 1500 hours.. I feel like I have been hit by truck.  Needing to do health status.. so I can keep up with my stuff too..
Spots all over me.. hands, arms, legs.. Having trouble with chest severe pain, Fever.. Confused,..
If I start repeating myself.. just ignore it.. lol..
Decided to post B&W pic so you can see the spots.. But will post a color one too..

Crazy stuff going on.. Seems to be one of my skin diseases flaring with a vengeance. I just cant keep track on it all. I weighed too a bit ago.. I am at almost 173 lbs.. My weight still yo-yo .. I gotta drink cokes and eat shit candy etc.. to keep weight on at all!!! I am swelling bad everywhere... so IDK.

My headaches are increasing and getting scary. That feel like someone reaching through my head.. wow.. but also my ears and etc are worse today too. These infections are making stuff worse everywhere, .. I think my body wants to go on strike  now.

Wow

Still going strong.. my flowers and balloon .. after  all these days.. Hubbs got them for me on 4th.. gave them to me on 5th.. and still beautiful.. wow.

The white roses are beautiful too.. I took them outta vase yesterday to hang them upside down in other room and dry so I can add them to my collection of pretties.. yay 🌹

Saturday Blues.. and I am even wearing it for UK .. lol

Internet issues again for the 5th time at least.. WTF? Oh well.. I  am cooking now with Crisco.. I am.
Been struggling hard last few days. About 3 or 4 days now having this new issue with my insides. I am unsure if it is Small intestines.. Pancreas.. or what.. Honestly all are an issue.. Every organ I have is in pain and wanting to stop already.. I am sure. It comes and goes. SO much pain I cant eat. move, do anything.. even lying still in bed.. on meds.. Hemp oils on it and other stuff.. I cant stop the pain. Lower back too.. My hubby been putting all kinds of stuff on my back and I gave up with ice.. or heating pads. DONT WORK.
I just have to ride it out..12th was worst and longest.. Then it was in spurts and yesterday it was once in afternoon and then again last night. The pain has increased and the times and lengths now vary.. only thing I can do is keep track of it.. not as if it matters though..
It feels like someone has a weed eater inside my body and its ripping everything up and trying to force it outta my body.. I also am having issues with body gases and fluids.. different from ever before. I cant burp even and my other gases have all but stopped. My muscles and everything in there is braking down. I am not going to be in here much longer I suppose. Last night I honestly thought I wasn't going to see this morning. Couldn't sleep but hour half if even thought. Couldn't breathe and trying to deal with my infections and now all this crap. I don't know what to do. Trying to figure out how to manage it.. warning signs etc.. last night I knew it was coming back.. my whole body did a complete turn around and almost shut down mode. But I tried to ignore and just deal with what was going on around me with Jade and Sparky.. My chest has gotten so bad.. it literally feels like someone has a vice grip squeezing my tubes closed. we shall see.. I suppose.

 Regardless of how shitty I feel... The show must go on.. Been trying to stay busy all a.m., now shower and meds and chill.. later Phil will be home from Fishing and I plan on watching some Football if I can. Hope all have a safe day out there.
Todays giggle and chuckle:
I hate when people ask me what I am doing tomorrow.. I don't even know what I am doing right now... LMAO❤

hhhmmmm

It amazes me how sometimes I can go, go , go.. with lyrics from all the 60's, 70's, 80's, and  90's songs going  through my head and actually be singing out loud and then I walk into the kitchen and I go completely brain dead and forget what I originally intended on doing? I have to now.. walk back out of kitchen.. and start my tracks over.. a literal rewind to think about what I was gonna do. It is crazy I know.. but a literal rewind.. is the trick.. for now anyways.. until that too stops working. Then I will have to come up with something new... Trial and error .. it is always trial and error.
When ya get up and put something in the oven to cook.. aren't you suppose to keep track of what you are cooking? I mean.. really putting something in the oven and just walking away.. and assuming others will finish cooking it.. and then get upset.. even though they saved what you were cooking.. cuz you were burning it.. wow . The crap I put up with.. not a thank you for saving my shit, but all the other BS instead. What a crazy world my house insides in !! Twilight Zone aint got shit on me.. ~

Randoms

Thought for the Day:

We make choices .. those which effect and have ripple actions for not only ourselves , but all others around us. But even so.. shit doesn't have to be that hard, difficult, and frikkin complicated... IT REALLY DOESNT PEOPLE.

Find and figure out what the problem is.. once identified... find the solution and set into motion. Conflict  Resolution Y'all.. NOT THAT HARD.

Fix it and move on 

Morning News

Debate surprise.. giving away lots of $ and free stuff.. hahhaa.. Not a big thing.. That's what Dems do.
Got another storm brewing.. next name coming soon and could get to be a huge Hurricane.. Season not over til November .. and we have been lucky.. so in the over all look.. not bad. We just went through Dorian.. and I only hope that we get some of this one.. IT looks to actually be coming more inward .. if it stays on its current path.. YAY.. RAIN
Everything else still the same hoopla .. blah.. blah.. blah.. as usual.💁

Yep.. it be Friday and it be the 13th.. It is suppose to be a great day out there and lucky.. so don't screw that up people.. just breathe and enjoy the day. Tomorrow Football Saturday for many.. yes.. I AM TALKING ABOUT ME.. hahhaha
My Cats play Florida Gators.. and itsah gonna be a game I am sure. CAN'T wait...🏈
I can't listen to the Political arena this A.M. tooo much stupid shit.. Let them eat themselves alive and do us a favor.
Friday Tip:
Don't be an asshole today Y'all.. if ya are gonna go in .. go all in.. be a WHOLE ASS INSTEAD.

70's kinda day...

Just HANG on

O MY GOD.. so this up and down is killing me. I feel ok, then  I do shit and I feel horrible. I cant control the pain, I cant control the timing.. nothing. I think that's the main reason I hate these diseases.. I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER ANYTHING !!!
I don't think anyone around me gets that either except .. one of my neighbors.. and every once and awhile my Hubbs & Jade !! When people cant see my problems.. or they see me outside.. then hour later I am in bed.. so they are told.. and they think I am just not wanting to come out.. NO, I really am in bed and can barely function.. IT SUX. It is the worst ever.
Sometimes.. well most times.. to live is just an act or great strength and courage ~
I am struggling with another infection I got from my neighbor the other day.. stood by him 5 minutes, he hugged me.. etc,, and bammmm.. just like that. Chest, sinuses, cough, Diarrhea... etc.. I cant eat again.. Well I did and still sick from like 5pm yesterday.. My girl got us Popeyes … my fav stuff.. and it about killed me.. Still hating life.
Maybe today some of my other orders will be here and I can think about other stuff.. I am expecting my other Mark Levin Book, Red Friday Bracelets, Kick ass Hippie chic shirt.. Meds and a few other things.. YAY..

Be strong people.. you are going to be fine.. I say.. if you are like me.. you come from a strong line of Lunatics'.. and you got this ~ lol

Free Ride (Audio).. YEP

My list .. just wont stop y'all

In so much pain.. just want to crawl in bed.. but I still have house chores, outside chores etc to finish.. it is NEVER ENDING. Not doing dinner tonight though.. ggrr. I will be putting myself in time out in a bit, and that is where I am staying !
Just a reminder folks.. your loved ones if sick like I am will still be feeling these things today even if they dont mention it...
Numbness & Tingling
Dizziness,  Vision problems, Emotional BS, Hearing loss, LOTS OF PAIN, Bladder issues, bowl issues, Seizures, TIA'S... Tremors.. inverse and outwards. Walking, Talking, standing and motor skill issues.. Itching, Muscle spasms, sexual dysfunction.. WANTS NONE ! Fatigue, swallowing issues, Depression, Sadness, Anger, Frustration. Cognitive dysfunctions... Headaches.. And a WHOLE ARRAY of other awesome fucking things. Just kiss them, help them. and tell them you love them and are on their team !
Humor burst.. I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life y'all ~ 😎
Only Wednesday and already wanting Saturday football... hhahha.. My Cats play Florida Gators.. thats gonna be a good one.
I have lists to go make, Laundry to finish, and things calling my name. Damn, I might be changing my name soon.. HAHAHHA
 From this nutbasket to yours... I LUVS YA ALL.

All in one !!

Not much new to report.. all still in YO-YO mode I suppose.. but seem to be on the up side at the moment.. that is my plus for today. All seems good in the hood.. this for on all fronts.. so I can dream right?

Full Harvest Moon and Friday the 13th,, yay. The moon is rare and will not be like this again til like 2049  or so.. it is going to be interesting to say the least.

No sick smell in the house right now. I really dislike that SICK smell. and if ya say there isn't one.. you are nuts.. just like there is an OLD PEOPLE smell. anyway. you may not smell it unless around it constant... so I wont fault ya on that,, lol

Sept 11 humor factor.. LMFAO... had to .. sorry 😆

Hands getting worse, sight getting worse, mouth, throat, infections.. bad bad YUCK !

Todays Photo moments.. lol

Have a great and safe afternoon Y'all… xoxo

11 Sept.. engraved in our Souls...

Keeping it mellow

Tuesday Time warp song list: ( for Today)

Grand Funk Railroad

Starbuck

Tom Jones

Eagles

Gerry Rafferty

Stephen Bishop

Fleetwood Mac

Elton John

CCR

Styx

and the list goes on.. I will try to stay mellow today with these ~

They are there.. I PROMISE

New day.. some how old stuff still plaguing me. My lips are peeling again.. that means the other stuff is coming again. I can't control the infections right now. Even taking double meds for certain stuff.. IT IS OUTTA CONTROL.
My tongue is in flare up again. It hurts so bad sometimes all I can do is keep a grip on it with my teeth. I bite down and put pressure until I cant anymore.. it helps for a minute.. then I just have to cry and ride it out. Hemp oils aren't even helping that anymore..but makes sense to me... because that is like the hugest craziest muscle in our bodies..
Spot, bruises, and marks.. pains etc.. everything.. is accelerating also.. left arm, hand, leg, and foot.
I am so broken y'all. O WELL.. it is.. what it isn't.. I always say !
Had a final sign yesterday.. I have seen them all now..
This Dove came an landed by me.. the other stuff. I will not share just now. Everyone will just scoff at me and laugh if I do..

I am thinking my sweet Neighbor Tanya and her hubby Billy brought this over weeks ago and I should open and drink it.. I haven't cuz I have been sick etc.. BUT TODAY MIGHT BE THE DAY.

Still have flowers since before my bday on 5th.. wow.. They are a sign also.. 

Time warp Tuesday

I need to come up with a Tuesday dance.. lol People wouldn't  have to think I am nuts.. that way they would know I am nuts.. hahah. Really, when ppl need to start worrying is when I loose my humor.. FACT !
Songs this a.m. on the list are the great 70'S ! Hell yeah

Help will soon come.. MAYBE.. lol

Current mood: I think I am only emotionally capable right now of dealing with coffee.. LOL
(pretty much)
Thought I would share some Tools and tips on this Tuesday morning.
As a person we have different levels .. layers.. we can work on especially when we are ill. WE need to focus on working on our MIND, BODY, and our SOULS.
I will kinda break them down to how I try to work on it.. for that is all I can share really is what I know... works for me.. and maybe it will help someone else out there too.

MIND :
Affirmations
Cognitive behavioral therapy in a sense...and always mindfulness breath working, feedback and in a positive nature..
Yoga & exercises.. YOU WILL KNOW WHAT WORKS FOR YOU.
BODY:
Vitamins and or good Supplements
Having and implementing always healthful foods.. HAVING A GOOD DIET HELPS ALL AREAS.
Getting plenty of sleep.. and complete rest.
Bubble baths and or exercises such as dancing etc.. Helps on multiple levels..
SOUL:
Asking for help
Working on inner self
Staying connected with loved ones, Friends.. and keeping that social networking alive..A MUST
Enjoying Nature
Art work or using creativity.. regularly !
Some of these ..you will find... can cross over.. USE THEM WHEREVER AND WHENEVER YOU NEED TO !